The Last Reverie
by LaylaEvercrest
Summary: "No matter what the world decides, I will stand by you as your knight until the end. I'll protect you from those who are cruel, and vanquish those who've come to destroy you. The only thing you have to fear is getting lost in our own romantic dream." Life after Ultimecia should have been peaceful, but a break in Squall's sanity proves his troubles have just begun.
1. Chapter 1

_****FFVIII Belongs to Square Enix. I'm just borrowing them for fun!*****_

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><p><em><strong><span>The Last Reverie<span>**_

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><p><strong>Her fingers entwined themselves lovingly in his hair. Desperate to hold his focus steady before his mind could slip away once more into the seduction of her euphoric scent and the warmth of her bare skin on top of him.<strong>

**"We can't pretend this isn't a problem anymore..." Her hands slid from his hair to his face feeling the rough texture that had grown on his cheeks since their resolve of not leaving her bed until they were forced apart once more by duty. "Just please, promise me that?"**

**His voice got painfully caught in his throat leaving the room in a burdening silence.**

**She urged more urgently now. "It's the only thing I'll ever ask for... I promise."**

**She could see the instant rejection of the idea in his face which only made her more determined now in her movements, pulling herself deeper on to him, then in a mock attempt of strength she pinned his roaming hands to the bed.**

**Cascades of that raven hair he loved so much was grazing his face.**

**"I'm serious!"**

**He wondered what kind of reaction she wanted from him. His tactful side should weigh the odds of the request and easily agree that it would logically make the most sense for him to be the one. Never before did he have to worry about his own conscious coming into play and interfering with the business side of things. He wondered if she was waiting for him to quietly agree with her or passionately fight against the notion, like those men in her romantic novels he caught her reading the other day. He was sure she wanted one of those two things. Her eyes pleading with him told him so. Why was it so hard to just a clear emotion either way?**

**He looked away, taking the easy way out once again. It was just easier that way. Ignore the situation. Don't respond.**

**He easily pulled his hand out from her grip bringing it to his hair forcefully brushing it back, matching the frustrated sound leaving his chest.**

**He didn't need to look at her to see the disappointment his actions had caused. He could feel her body rise up to look down at him more clearly.**

**To say the lest, it was an awkward silence.**

**He could feel her fingertips slowly graze his stomach, etching his defined skin as if she was doing a maze. Despite the building frustration in his head, her fingers made the heat rise in him again setting off the unnaturally arousing fire that could easily consume him.**

**He glared at her and she responded by giving small sheepish smile knowing he didn't enjoy the newfound powers she sometimes used to get the advantage in bed. He knew she enjoyed the fact that she had this power over him, both the magic and natural ability to over come his senses.**

**Not that he truthfully minded the sensation, just not being able to return the pleasure he felt.**

**She quickly retract the smile pretending to go into a serious frown of disappointment, mocking his very look he was sure, till her face could no longer take the unnatural expression. Then she laughed.**

**It was her laugh that made him let go of his anger now, as he grabbed her hips enough to throw her off balanced to throw her down and pull himself on top. She was hardly a match for him strength wise, and thankfully that would likely never change.**

**She gave a small delighted laugh, unalarmed by his intent of moving past her taunting's in order to finally get the connection his body seemed to never cease yearning for.**

**He grabbed her legs and pulled her body to meet his causing her body to arch back in pleasure.**

**He stabilized himself over her and this time was gentle enough to let her catch his pace. He lowered his lips to hers as soon as the sounds left her lips in agreement of the position. Her lips gravitated to his, matching his own need in strength, only to surrender when the moans lodged in her throat needed to escape.**

**Her hands clawed in rapture at his back, drawing him closer with each movement gaining more momentum then the last. He could feel her body tensing and slowly without warning the light in her eyes seemed to drift away for a moment as he felt the staggering release flow through her like water. Her breaths, uncensored, made her chest heave deeply into his for a few moments before the ultimately falling back into it's normal state. Suddenly he stopped.**

**"What's wrong?" Puzzled and slightly embarrassed by how his eyes suddenly retracted from her face all at once. "Squall?"**

**He pulled himself back nearly falling off the bed he could feel his muscles tensing up sporadically as he quickly pulled his clothes to him.**

**"Where are you going?" She said alarmed, trying to reach out to stop him as he stood up. He dodged her clumsily, as he pulled his jeans over his bear hips, nearly falling over on the way to the door.**

**"Squall!" She shouted, trying to find her clothes, but her calls where only answered by silence.**


	2. Chapter 2

**FFVIII Belongs to Square Enix. I'm just borrowing them for fun!***

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

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><p>"Commander?"<p>

He didn't want to open his eyes.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!"

But that high-pitched voice wasn't going to stop for anyone else, but him.

Squall reluctantly ordered his eyes to open to take in the last few seconds of peace his mind would get likely for a long while. The sun right above him blinded his sight instantly, forcing him to wince in pain as the cold wind whipped through the field of flowers unique to Centra.

He lifted himself up begrudgingly, barely able to see over the wild tumbling flowers for the brunette searching the field with her oversized num-chucks in her hand. It took her a few moments to pick him out in the sea of garden that surrounded them, but once she did she celebrated it like a dog finding his stick.

"I found him!" She jumped joyously before bouncing towards him at uncomfortable speed.

"Indeed you did my flower." Irvine. They sent out whole search party.

"Squall everyone has been waiting for you at Ragnarock. What are you doing waay out here?" She pouted with her hand on her hip till Irvine showed up behind her draping his arm around her small frame.

"Sometimes my darling, a man needs to be alone with his thoughts-"

"Sexual harassment!" Selphie called out her warning shot making Irvinne pull back reluctantly. She quickly shrugged it off.

"I was meeting someone out here." Squall replied not wanting to elaborate any further despite the confused looks on his comrades faces.

"Who would meet-"

"-Come on Squall!" Irvinne said reading he end of discussion cues better the Selphie could. "I have three very angry ladies back at the ship. I could use a little reinforcement."

He dragged his stiff body up from the ground wondering who the third lady would be but selphie answered before he even needed to decide if it was worth asking.

"Zells mad because it's hot dog Tuesday at the cafeteria." Selphie said turning away her voice nearly losing her words in the wind. "He told ya that today. He's on severe nitrate withdrawal!"

"Bitches louder then any girl on the rag that's for sure." Irvine shot Squall an all knowing glance before trying to walk away, but not fast enough to escape the furry of a steamed five foot one ball of wrath known as Selphie.

"Kinneas I will drive the Ragnarock right over your butt if you keep talking like that!"

Squall couldn't take the lovers quarrel any longer. If this was pay back from Zell for being late Squall would have to remember to inflict a hot dog shortage that hasn't been seen in years.

He walked passed the two still bickering and headed in the direction of the large gleaming red ship knowing he would have to face his fate sooner or later.

The bantering didn't end when Squall entered the cockpit. Unfortunately it got even louder upon seeing Squall.

"How can you do me so wrong, Squall?" Zell shouted from the control seat. "I've been talking about this day since our mission started out here- you did me wrong!"

"Zell, it's hot dogs. They will have them again." Squall slumped into the seat next to the controls hoping in a small way he could become invisible to the group that was nearly at each other's throat. They've been spending to much time in these cramp conditions lately.

"Don't you listen to anything I've been saying, man? I've left like a hundred notes in the comment box! They've limited hotdogs to a once a month food item!"

That genuinely surprised him.

"They have? Why?"

"Because they're unhealthy and have very little nutritional value." Quistis spun around in her chair near the charting computers, clearly exasperated from Zell's ranting. "Nobody is going to hire a bunch of fat seeds!"

"Well put a limit on 5 hot dogs per person then! Don't punish the whole garden cause some people have a lack of self control."

"Zell, she's talking about you." Irvine said leaning next to Selphie, both already had forgotten their earlier fight.

"ME?" Zell pivoted in the control seat. "I ain't fat! I'm all muscle!" He turned to the rest of the group flexing his biceps. "How can you guys all let this happen?"

Quistis rolled her eyes. "You can thank me, when you realize your metabolism slows down at twenty."

"Squall!" Zell thrust his hand out towards Quistis in protest. "See what I mean?"

"I don't want to get involved." Squall buried his head in his hand to cease the headache that was coming on. "If you have a complaint-"

"Fill out a comment card! I know! But no one reads the comment cards!" Zell said tweaking with anger.

"I do." Irvinne said with a half smile on his face. "And I take the time to read each one. It's very amusing to read how angry some unanimous ones are-"

"Damn it! No one takes this seriously-"

"Somebody fly this damn thing before I lose it." Squall ordered giving Selphie the order to tackle the sulking Zell out of her chair.

"So where's Balmb's next direction Commander?" Irvinne hovered over his usual spot behind Selphie's chair. As much as Kinneas wished he was a ladies man it appeared to everyone but him and Selphie that he only had his feelings for her… Not that Squall gave two shits about their personal issues.

"Timber." Quistis stated simply when the silence grew to uncomfortable.

"Oh. OHHHH…." There could have been a light bulb illuminating above Zell's head from his reaction. "Time to visit the Princess!"

He started to box the air in his excitement.

"It's a job Zell. Calm down." He knew this direction was going to be disastrous.

"Since when is seeing Rinoa a JOB?" Zell stopped in his tracks.

"Job?"Irvine chuckled and then spouted quickly "More like a booty call."

"Kinneas-" Squall could feel the limit being reached.

"I know, sexual harassment." He deflated slightly as Selphie grinned deep in though.

"Secret mission: get Rinaul Laid!"

"Rinaul?" Zell looked up. "For once Selphie your made up words make sense."

"Don't encourage her." Internally Squall was dying from the idea of someone actually calling them that.

"Squall you don't need to be shy! Nothing wrong with a Knight needing his Sorceress nice and close!" Selphie seemed determined to help speed up the reunion pushed the throttle forward all the way.

"Enough!" Quistis shouted making everyone in the group except him jump.

"Jeeze… speaking of the rag…" Irvine looked over at her briefly.

"Irvine, I still have a spot in those sexual harassment seminars open if you feel the need to refresh yourself on protocols what being affiliated with SeeD entails…"

"Again..." Zell couldn't put help making the crack. It would be his fifth seminar.

Squall zoned out the others around him as the conversation turned back to Zell's issues with lunch meats and their nutritional statuses. He could see Quistis concern look from the corner of his eye, but did nothing to acknowledged her. He watched as the smooth ship launched it's self over the vast ocean, reminding him exactly how long it had been since he had last scene her. He would need to visit Dr. Kadowaki, or he'd never make it through this reunion.

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><p>Her hands glided across his neck, holding firmly against his pulse counting the beats that were driving him insane in his head.<p>

"Your heart rate is elevated Commander…. Nervous about something?" Dr. Kadowaki Smiled all knowingly.

"Just hate doctors. Nothing personal."

"From you commander? Nothing ever is." She rolled her eyes before lifting her hand to write the all important numbers down on her clip board.

"Any vision changes?"

"No."

"Blurred vision?"

"No."

"Speech slurring."

"No."

"And crazy lunatic tendencies for violence besides what would be considered normal for you?"

He really didn't want to answer that question but the prodding from Cid forced him to reluctantly.

"No."

"Well I see nothing that wouldn't give you a clean bill of health as long as you follow the treatment plan. "

"So he will be fine then?"

"I'm a doctor not psychic." Dr. Kadowaki chastised Cid. "I'd say it's a safe bet though. Short excursions like this is nothing to work about."

Squall launched himself off the table grabbing his shirt and bomber jacket in a hurry to get away from this hellish place, but Cid stopped him short of reaching the door.

"Should I be worried?" He asked, his face was filled more with a look of fatherly concern then he was use too.

"No." He filled in the blank with what seemed to be the answer of the day, pulling his arm free to walk out the door into a waiting trap.

"Squall…" Quistis waited with her arms folded into her chest, leaning against the wall.

"Not now." He started to storm the hallway pass the few cadets that starred at him in awe, as if he was a freak of nature amongst them.

"Stop scowling, they just look up to you." She seemed to have the unfortunate ability to correct his thoughts, lately. It was annoying.

"Have you thought of what you're going to tell them when they see her?" Quistis asked, trying to keep up with his increasing pace.

"No." That word again…

"I can't do all the explaining for you Squall. It's going to come up and you better-" He cut her off hitting the elevator button several times, willing it to come quicker.

"Just… leave it be. You can't control what they are going to feel on the subject. They are going to think what they want and that's how it should be." He quickly stepped into the elevator pressing the button for it to close.

"Squall, listen…" She stopped the door with her hand. "I'm glad you came to me for help. I never thought that day would come, honestly… but-"

"What time is our meeting with the new mayor?" He asked looking at his watch.

She stopped cold in her tracks knowing she was facing her defeat… "Thirty minutes on the Garden dock. Then we will head off to Mayor's Hill."

"Good I'll have time to change into my uniform." He said once again pushing the buttons.

Quistis took a few steps back as the doors started to shut her out, just like he had. Once the elevator started to hum to life, he could feel his guard slowly starting to fall, and the anxiety he rarely felt, slowly began to surface. It was much easier to put a strong face for everyone else, but in private he can feel his own inner cracks getting wider.


	3. Chapter 3

*** Ok, now I have time to introduce myself. I just signed up for fanfic and this is my very first story! YAY! So with that said reviews would be helpful to keep me motivated, otherwise I tend to get sidetracked in my hectic life. So even if it's just a "good job!" or a "This doesn't suck!" keep it coming. I try to write everyday so hopefully it won't be long between posts. I'll always try to post often… even if it's short. Happy Readings Everyone!***

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

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><p>She couldn't help put fidget with her blazer on the white concert Garden dock, despite Zone's glances to stop. It had been nearly nine months since she had last scene him, not that Rinoa hadn't tried to get into contact with him, but getting a hold of the Commander of the infamous Balamb Garden was no easy task. It took her to get elected as Mayor of the newly liberated Timber, something not easy for a Sorceress to do given the last few Sorceress roles in political history, and a job proposal before she finally was allowed a meeting with him.<p>

Rinoa had fought for and won Timber's independence when he disappeared without a trace. She had always hoped that hearing of her struggles he would have showed up at some point. She had to learn to stop dreaming of the impossible.

Now there was much more at stake then just Timber's independence... That's what had leaded them to this fated meeting. A Commander would have to take the meeting to discuss the mission, plans, and most importantly payment, even if she was going to be there. She was counting on it personally. She really wanted to look into the eyes of the man who abandoned her with her new found strength, but it had been so long and their last moments together was leaving her paralyzed.

"They should be here any moment now." Came the rough voice next to her only raising the anxiety that much more.

Then as if on Que., she could see something glimmering in the distance, fast approaching them with massive golden halo spinning under it. It was Balamb Garden in all its exceptional floating beauty, and right on schedule. Seeing the massive ship flying towards them brought up every imaginable feeling all at once for her. Awe for its beauty, nostalgia for all the time she had been protected there, and pain for the person which it housed away from her.

She blinked away the ideas quickly, and was fast to put on her smile. She had to focus on the people she would get to see again, and the mission at hand. She needed to find her strength to push everything else aside till later.

The garden hovered over them for a moment before backing up so it could slowly descended down on the newly constructed garden dock that cities around the world were quickly building for the Garden's new abilities.

Her hair flew every which way until the garden made landfall, and the golden halos powered down, allowing the air to around them to be calm once more. Everyone but the man standing next to her started to fix their hair from the assaulting blast.

"You look fine. Stop fidgeting. All their eyes are watching you." He said referencing the people with cameras standing and judging behind her. Press was the only thing that scared her more the man she would be seeing in a few seconds.

"Noted." She said raising her chin up as the garden doors unlocked.

He was the first person she saw, even with his uniform blending him in to the sea of officials standing behind him. He looked no different from the last time she had scene him. His wild unruly brown hair framed his sharp features that held his stoic face into perfect alignment, despite the imperfect scar running through his it. It was the only thing that wasn't perfect about him physically. Emotionally, that scar was the lest of his problems.

He walked forward with his escorts all at once, finally breaking her trance to see Quistis next to him. She should say, Administrator Quistis, Rinoa chastised herself to keep all the titles straight. The last thing she needed was to show the world she was unstable around her Knight.

"Mayor Heartilly!" Quistis smiled striding towards her to shake her hands, intercepting her plan to go for the Commander's hand first.

"We were so surprised to her hear of your winning election. Timber has gained a fantastic leader."

The words were for the cameras behind her, she was sure, but the smile was genuinely warm towards her. Only now did she see the whole gang behind them, and their stares were less then friendly. Not towards, Rinoa but the man standing next to her.

"Been a long time Instructor." Seifer's cocky smile was perched on his face and wasn't looking to go anywhere anytime soon.

"Administrator…" Quistis frowned.

"Right. Right." He knew what he was doing, and it took everything in Rinoa not to turn around and hit him. She had the cameras to think about.

"Irvine, Selphie, Zell-" The last name was the hardest one. "Commander Squall, thank you for coming to meet us today."

Her voice was as warm, and as pleasant as it always was, but nothing she said broke the frozen stares on the SeeD's faces. All but Squall seemed to be unaffected by Seifer's presence.

"It's good to see you again, Mrs. Heartilly." He played the role of commander so well, but she always knew that this would be the role he was destined for. His formal tendencies and strong leadership skills made him born for this job.

"Yes." She stated, though it did fall a bit flat. "Anyway, we have private cars waiting to take us back to Mayor's hill."

"Not before a few photo ops." Zone corrected her making her flush slightly. "You understand right Commander?"

He tensed up, but begrudgingly nodded following Zones instructions to stand next to Rinoa in order to have the garden as the backdrop.

"A bit closer Commander!" The press shouted to Squall whom quickly obliged.

This would be the best opportunity she would have, as any, to get into his head. She plastered a smile to her face that would please the photographer, and let her mind drift off into the humming mind next to her.

She could normally feel his presence from afar, but now standing so close it should be clear and easy to slip into. She never really got a lot of words from him, at lest not clear words, but she could feel the moods and shifts in his head. Normally his silent state was a low hum, often with words like 'whatever' or inappropriate images would come across. Whenever he was in deep thought, he would come off as a static manic state, with minor expletives that would come across quite clearly.

However, this was nothing she had ever felt before. His mind was dull, and nearly silent. That was unnatural for any person. Nothing would come across the connection she had opened. She pressed harder on the bond trying to prod any sort of thought out from him till he turned to her suddenly.

"Get out of my head." He said below his breath, with an awkward smile that was more then forced.

She instantly pulled back too embarrassed to even hide it, when Zone targeted her to cheer up more for the camera by exaggerating his own smile.

She did as her publicist instructed, but couldn't shake the feeling he left on her. He was drugged, and heavily at that. His mind was so dull and put through a fog, that made it impossible for her to read anything. Was it purposeful? What did that mean?

"I think you got your shot." The commander pulled away to rejoining his staff, who were huddled in a circle talking to Quistis.

"I'd give my left nut to be able to hear what they're all saying right now…" Seifer once more glued himself to her side.

"They're upset over you being here." She turned away unable to look at them. "I'll pass on the payment though."

"Huh. Figured they would've figured us out by now. We've had a few spreads in the paper-"

"Real SeeDs are too busy to read a paper." That was mean and she already felt bad about it before even finishing it.

She could see the tense anger in his face. Unlike Squall, you always knew how Seifer felt. It was about the only positive thing about him.

"A real SeeD and Knight doesn't leave his lady." Seifer was fast to come back with a blow. She expected it, but didn't make it hurt any less.

She didn't say anything else, as he led the way to the waiting cars. Sharks waited by the gate, readying their cameras to get their snap of the Sorceress meeting her alleged Knight. This media frenzy was still in it's full chaos that had been haunting them since the demise of Ultimecia.

Back then it had been relentless hounding that knew no boundaries that ultimately lead to a three-month vacation away from prying eyes. Back then she was almost thankful for the media circus, because it gave her the time to learn more about her knight personally. Now this circus was only going to bring back more pain.

"Sorceress Heartilly!"

"That's Mayor!" Seifer held back the throngs of reporters looking to find their next scoop. Looking for any mistake that could lead her down the same path as Ultimecia.

"What do you have to say to about the Galbadian Army trying to interfere with your election?"

"We have no comment about that right now." Zone shouted trying to push a path through to the cars.

"Is that why you are meeting with mercenaries?" A voice came over her head as the people began to start pushing from each direction for a piece of her.

"I said no comments!" Zone tried hold them off, but it took Seifer's arm around her waist, and his brute strength to make the hounds move out of their way.

"Get the hell back! Unless you want me to smash your camera!" The anger in his voice shook Rinoa to her core

"Is this your knight?"Someone asked throwing a microphone in her face.

The question made her stop in her tracks, much to Seifer's chagrin and Zone's orders. She turned and faced the cameras that started to rapidly fire off in eager anticipation for what she had to say. More importantly she had direct view of the one person she wanted to say this too. Squall had been walking with his people behind her, and now she had his full attention.

"No. This is a man my father hired to protect me. My Knight is Commander Squall LeonHeart of Balamb Garden. Keep it straight." She waited for a moment to see his reaction to her admission, while the world erupted in to chaos of more questions. It took him forever to dismiss her statements, and head directly to his waiting car without so much as reaction. His stormy blue eye's never betrayed their master and shared what he thought of it.

She wondered what had happened to her Knight that was causing him to fall so far from her reach. What happened to those words he shared with her so convincingly, she actually believed him. He promised to be her knight, even if the entire world was her enemy, but she was now standing in front of the world and she was alone.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own these Characters….but I can dream right?

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

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><p>His body slumped into the back seat of the car having a hard time coping with the medication coursing through his body. Squall could hardly function with the mood altering drugs that affected his thinking and slowing his reaction time. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and let his heavy eyes close in a desperate bid to kill the nausea Rinoa had created from trying to gain access to his mind. They had expected her to try, hence the drugs, but the pounding in his chest, and twisting in his stomach was a new side effect of trying to deny her entry through medications. How could he be expected to fulfill his role around her acting like this?<p>

He expected Quistis to be the one who'd fly in to the seat next to him, not Zell. Most likely he drew the shortest straw, and was being forced to get the answers Quistis warned him his group would want from him upon seeing Rinoa with Seifer. Zell Slammed the door on the frenzy Rinoa's words had started.

"Hurry man! Let's get out of here!" Zell shouted at the driver as Quistis's hands started knocking on the window furiously. but it was too late. The driver assumed it was from the photographers and peeled out in a hurry.

"You ok, man? You look pale!" Zell concern seemed to grow when he didn't respond right away. "That was some declaration out there, Squall, but kind of out of place given the relationship you two have… or is it had?"

What did he want from him? His head already had an unbearable pounding in his head… he couldn't take another. Where was Quistis? How did she let this happen?

"What the hell is going around here?" Zell blasted unsympathetic to his pain. "Rinoa is walking around with the fucking asshole from hell, and people seem to think he's her Knight! What the hell is he doing here?"

"Obviously her father hired him-"

"And your ok with that?" Zell didn't buy it. "This is the same asshole who would let Ultimecia kill her... OH... and the whole fucking world!"

"I fail to see where this is my choice, Zell."

"I can't believe that the garden did PR work to fix his reputation after Ultemcia! Possession my ass! The loser should have gotten what he deserved, and faded out into obscurity, not be touting around under the protection of all three gardens-"

"Just drop it, Zell."

"What the hell man? Are you defending him?" He jumped on him. "That asshole had almost costed us our lives, and the world for the fucking matter! Are you junctioning Gf's again or is your memory really that screwed up?"

Might be the later.

Zell pulled back a bit reading every move Squall made. "It really doesn't bother you that he's here, does it? What's going on Squall? He's sitting where you should be-"

"-Don't tell me what I should be doing!" His hand dropped from his face now but his eyes only clenched tighter.

"What the hell Squall?" There was no hiding anything from Zell. He could read him too much and that means it was just as clear to the others as well. This was no good. Quintist was right. He should have thought of something to say to them before hand.

"What could have happened for you to just stop caring like this?"

A lot had happened.

Squall looked out the car window seeing Timber's trees slowly thinning out as they closed in on Timber. He could still remember that night and the following hell it had sunk him into.

"You've changed, and not for the better man." Zell's lowered voice groweled out.

Yeah, he could agree with that despite knowing all the events that had lead him to this point.

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><p><strong>He fell into the streets of Esthar with pain that was ripping him to shreds from the inside out. Despite it being early morning, his world had seemed to fallen into near blackness, except for the occasional searing streaks of lights that would flash in front of his eyes disorienting him. He held his chest as he stumbled forward, losing his balance, causing him to fall into the street hitting his head on the smooth metal that carried the busy traffic.<strong>

**He could hear the car coming at him, but his world spun so fast he couldn't tell which way was up to make the attempt to move. He could smell the fuel and the sounds of the car's desperate plea to not run over him. The only relief for him was that there was no further pain, which meant the car indeed stop in time, but he was losing his fight against the darkness.**

**"The hell are you doing?" The driver shouted getting out of his car. "Shit! We need to get you to a hospital."**

**"No!" Squall demanded trying to find his center of balance to stand up, but faltered back to the ground. The driver came to his aid, lifting him up off the street. "No hospitals but I need to go somewhere."**

**"You need medical attention-" The man's voice was shot from the sweeping panic he was experiencing.**

**"Yes, but not a hospital…" He tried to think past the pain his body was in. "The Presidential Residence… Drop me off there"**

**He didn't need to see the man's face to know he was alarmed.**

**"If you don't, I'll tell everyone you hit me." Desperation was making him in to a cruel man, but it was enough to force the man into doing his bidding.**

**The driver helped Squall into the back seat of his car where he only lasted a mere second before his strength left him to the darkness that was beckoning to him. There he felt like he had been dreaming the same dream for an eternity. He could see the cities burning around him, and the smell of blood on his hands seemed too real as he walked amongst the ruble around him.**

**He was searching for something, or someone. Rinoa. That's what his mission was for. The pounding in his chest wouldn't let go of his need to see her, to know she was okay, because the adrenaline coursing through him spoke of danger. Everything around him was a threat that needed to be eliminated, and nothing would stop him till he saw her once more. Her soul was calling for his. It called for his actions against those who would hurt her. If she wanted this destruction of her foes, he would provide it till it pleased her. Till she would reward him with her touch again.**

**"Squall!"**

**It wasn't the voice he wanted to hear. He wanted to eliminate the threat but his body seemed heavier in the burning city then it had a moment ago.**

**"Get a hold of yourself Squall!" The voice wasn't coming from these ruins. The threat was suddenly nowhere to be seen.**

**His eyes flickered open, like his dream he was surrounded in a haze of destruction. His shoulders pinned to the ground with a face he recognized slowly.**

**"Ward?" The raspy voice didn't feel like his own and neither did his vision. He was surrounded by a blurry world and pain. A lot of pain. "Where am I?"**

**He then saw Laguna standing over him and his mind went silent.**

**"The presidential residence in Esthar. Do you know who I am?"**

**What a ridiculous question.**

**"The president of Esthar." When the answer didn't seem to suffice he added. "Laguna Loire…."**

**His possible sire, not that he was sure about that. THAT conversation had been conveniently held off.**

**"What am I doing here?" He breathed through the pain. "Ward, you're crushing me."**

**He could see the expression change on Laguna's face, but to what he was too far away to see. No matter how many times he tried to blink the fog away it seemed to stay.**

**"I think it's alright now, Ward. Get Kiros…" Laguna got down to one need unsteadily. His age was beginning to show.**

**"You haven't answered me…" Squall said looking around the room that had been trashed. "What the hell happened in here?"**

**"You happened, Squall." Laguna looked him over. "I found you on my door step a week ago, delirious might I add."**

**His door step. Squall had to think about that long and hard but it all started to ring true.**

**"I did this?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Ward and Kiros…?"**

**"Held you back from burning the whole place down." Laguna said it in jest, but something about the tone he said it in made him think it might be partly true.**

**He tried to sit up but every part of his body was in terrible pain.**

**"We can cast a cure." Laguna quickly offered seeing the pain on his face.**

**"If it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience." Snarked Squall.**

**Laguna offered his hand only to have Squall pulled away**

**It was a knee jerk reaction to that man. He really didn't deserve it after what he clearly did to his home while his sanity had been absent. The cure was a basic one, but it took most of the pain away. However the blurred vision still remained. He was also unstable on his own feet, and finally relented and took Laguna's arm in order to make it to the couch that had been over turned. Thankfully there was not enough time for the silence to grow awkward before Kiros came in, following ward.**

**"They can be here in a few minutes." Kiros promptly informed the President.**

**"They?" Squall looked at him betrayed.**

**"Cid Krammer came looking for you-" Laguna tried to clarify but was caught off.**

**"You told them I was here? Thanks for nothing" He furious trying to figure out how to stand to get out of this place on his own.**

**"Squall they expected me to tell them if you showed up here like you did…"**

**"What?" Squall snapped on him. "What does that mean?"**

**Laguna looked at Kiros with another expression he couldn't read clearly. What the hell was wrong with him?**

**"Cid knew you might be in trouble, Squall. That's why he demanded you take a leave of absence from being Commander."**

**What where they talking about? He wasn't in trouble and this episode wasn't the reason he was here anyways.**

**"No, we came because the media was hounding us-"**

**"Yes, another reason for it, but truthfully not the only." Kiros came closer, and was much more recognizable now to Squall. "Squall, why would they send you to Esthar of all places?"**

**Agreed, he wouldn't have picked this place for a leave of absence, but it was hardly a reason for a conspiracy theory. That's what he thought, until he saw HIM walking through the door.**

**"Well, you've always been a late bloomer puberty boy, but I guess it's better late then never."**

**"Seifer?"**

**Not just Seifer, but Cid followed in as well, momentarily distracted by the condition of the room.**

**"Oh, my." He muttered before coming closer.**

**"Will someone just fucking explain what the hell is going on?" He felt like a science experiment suddenly to have so many people staring at him bewildered.**

**"Nothing more, then you proving that I was telling the truth." He said that to Cid, more then him.**

**"Unfortunately it's true then." Conceded to something, but Squall couldn't tell what.**

**"What's true?" He lost it. "If somebody doesn't tell me what the hell is going on I'll just leave!"**

**"Sit down you pussy." Seifer walked over to an over-turn chair, lifting it up to correct it before slumping in it.**

**"Do you want to start heading down that road with me Siefer? The world may have let you live but I don't forgive as easily- "**

**"You know what REALLY pisses me off Squall? You always thought you were so much better then me, but in the end we're not that different you and I. That fact must be crush your ego…"**

**" We ARE different Seifer… I could never have done what you did to us!" His teeth gritted together trying to pull back from the urge to rip him apart right here. "I would never do what you did to my friends… what you did to Rinoa… Somebody you claimed to have cared for once!"**

**The blonde with the mirroring scar smiled all knowingly. "We'll see about that Squall, but the proof so far shows you would."**

**"The hell are you talking about?" Squall leaned back away from the man and his riddles. He was growing tired of this charade, and Cid seemed to notice.**

**"Squall, I'm afraid there may be some truth to what he is saying."**

**"Are you kidding right now?" Squally turned incredulously to the former commander he had always looked up to, at lest until maybe now.**

**"He claims he was under Sorceress Ultimecia's control during those times." Cid Clarified.**

**"That's bullshit." Squall dismissed.**

**"Fuck off, Squall." Seifer batted back. "Oh, and how's your eye sight right about now? Blurry as hell right?"**

**That made him flinch back a bit.**

**"Siefer." Cid gave a firm warning.**

**"A Sorceress does not have that much control over a person, not for that long of a period. I saw him myself, Cid. He was walking and talking on his own free will, nothing like when Rinoa was possessed!"**

**"Wrong but thanks for playing!" Seifer huffed again. "I never had a choice! Being that close to her and being her chosen Knight I was consumed."**

**Squall turned back to his nemesis. "You were following YOUR Romantic dream! He had control over your actions at any given point. You took her directions like a dog does from it's master!"**

**He could see Seifer tense his fist to know he was holding back his punches. It was the only mutual feeling they shared.**

**Cid tensed up to the hostility. "You're thinking is understandable Squall… That's what we all believed, and seemingly that would be true till now…"**

**"Wait, you're going with his idea that he was possessed by a Sorceress and did all that? Cid, you were never possessed and you lived with Eda for years-!"**

**"Sid left Eda before Eda gain Ultimecia's power." Seifer corrected through tensed jaw.**

**"So?"**

**"So? Are you fucking stupid-!"**

**"Hey now…" Laguna intervened.**

**"What Squally boy, need your father to stand up for your battles?"**

**Hyne, even Seifer knew about this man now?**

**"I admit," Cid tried to break apart the fight. "- it wasn't a story I was readily able to believe myself. He told me that initially he was coerced to follow her, but the longer in her possession the more he began to… warp."**

**"That was already an issue for him before her."**

**"Squall…" Laguna the referee? Perfect. Just what he needed.**

**"Watch out! Daddy is going to scold you." Seifer mocked.**

**"Hyne I knew this was a bad idea bring you with us." Cid ran his hand threw his head. "Being with a Sorceress has always known to come with risks of possession, and the bond- well you both understand the feelings that can come from it."**

**He knew what Cid was talking about. It was the emotional connection that made being apart from her painful. They feed off each other's energy, it almost seemed natural now that he didn't even think twice about it.**

**"You have double the power from having Sorceress with two sets of abilities. Rinoa has both Edea's and Adel's power running through her. The more power she has the more energy and life she leaches from you and as you can see the consequence is you going batty." Seifer summed it up quickly.**

**"You're saying Rinoa is causing-"**

**"-Causing you to lose your fucking mind?" Seifer let out a short laugh and looked around the room. "Looking at the state of this room and Kiros reports, you are well on your mother-fucking way."**

**The room. Those dreams. His stomach fell, remembering the dream he had. It was a dream wasn't it?**

**"I was here for a week?" He looked to Laguna seeing the irritating familiar traits he wanted to ignore staring back at him. "Was I… sleeping the whole time?"**

**"Far from it." Laguna looked uncomfortable. "You were trying to find Rinoa, and tried to destroy anything that would stand in your way."**

**That was no dream he discovered, and now Squall could see it much clearer. What he saw in his head, and the reality was so far from each other it paralyzed him on the couch.**

**"I didn't want to believe Seifer at first. It seemed to hard to believe, but following my cautious gut I set up this scenario."**

**"You'd chance people's lives like that? You purposefully wanted to see me go homicidal?" What the hell was he thinking?**

**"I told you I didn't believe it was possible. I did ask for Laguna to keep tabs on you-" Cid lowered his head knowing he bet on the wrong horse.**

**"-I never expected you end up on my doorstep. Clearly a part of you deep down recognized the danger and it brought yourself to me before you could do any harm. I'd say that is some impressive control…"**

**"Hear that Squally? Daddy's so proud!" Sefier mocked.**

**"Seifer I will KILL you-"**

**"With your eye sight I'd bet you'd trip over the coffee table before getting over here."**

**That was another piece of the puzzle wasn't it?**

**"My eye sight is affect by this?"**

**"Not just your eye sight." Seifer smiled. "Your whole body. Her powers need energy, more then her body can provide. That's why she craves her knight so badly. She will suck you dry till you die of exhaustion and in return you will pass on your insanity. You're just lucky that your sorceress isn't feeding into destructive ideas. Not yet at lest…"**

**"Rinoa wouldn't-"**

**"She could, eventually Squall." Cid states somberly. "If your stay here proved anything, it was that you were anyone, but yourself. If you passed that kind of energy off to Rinoa who knows how it would affect her."**

**"I'd know." Seifer rolled his eyes.**

**That was a somber realization for Squall. It was one thing when they were talking about his actions. In his head, he knew he could figure out how to control himself, but now hearing it would affect her… He started to laugh.**

**"Whats so damn funny?" Seifer hunched over wondering if he was going to go mad again.**

**"Before coming here, Rinoa asked me to be the one to eliminate her if she should go insane." The laughing wouldn't stop despite unnerving everyone including himself. What was suppose to happen when it he who would be the one driven insane? "What am I suppose to do now?"**

**Laguna was the one to answer this time, "I'd say a visit to Dr. Odine is in order."**

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><p>*** Ok I hope the plot makes some sense. If there is any confusion let me know.***<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Ok So I don't own any of these characters hence the idea of fanfic... you all know the drill. Please read and review... If it's criticism... be kind but don't worry I got big girl panties on. I can take it. That being said I'll be going back to the previous chapters because I use scrivener (anyone else use that app? it's amazing!), but scrivener can't up load on to this site. So I have to transfer it to word which i discovered messed everything up with spelling of the names and such. Don't know how I screwed up spell check that badly, but I did! I noticed a lot of people post longer chapters then I do. I wonder if it's better to post short chapters more often or if it's better to have fewer posts, but more to read. Let me know what you think either way. Sorry for being such a newbie..

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

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><p>She studied the faces that were now waiting for her to begin the meeting that had brought them all together once again, but the mood shift from meeting them on the Garden dock to here was unmistakable. There was a clear mutiny within the SeeDs, despite the professional outward appearance they tried to present, but being so close to them all it was apparent to Rinoa.<p>

Squall looked blankly down at the his note pad with a pen in his hand at the ready, while Quintist looked up at her as encouragingly neutral as possible, but the others faces alerted her to the trouble.

Irvine was protectively standing behind Selphie with his arms crossed closing himself off to anyone else's advances, and speaking of Selphie she was staring up at Rinoa with long lost eyes that hadn't blinked since sitting down. Zell…. Well he was the most unprofessional one, siting on the very end of the table with his body turned completely away from Squall and his foot was taping in anger.

Seifer cleared his throat behind her, urging her to move things along.

"Well I'm glad that we could have this meeting. Welcome!" She took a spot at the head of the table in between Zone and Watts.

"You have a job you want us to consider?" Quintist took over when she expected Squall to speak.

"Y-yes." Not the smooth start she had hoped for. "As you know the first election in Galbania in decades is about to happen…"

"Yes, your father former General Caraway is vying for the Presidency. It will be a tight race for him giving his daughter is a Sorceress." Quistis, all business and politics. Administrator was a fitting job for her.

"Yes, that's his problem not mine…" She smiled tensely.

It was not news to anyone in this room that their relationship with each other was more then strained. It was well reported that he did everything in his power to stop her election campaigns in becoming Mayor of Timber after the Galbanian occupation fell apart.

She wasn't a fool; she knew that her being a sorceress hurt his campaign. Just like she also knew she was being used by Timber to keep their independence. Even her father was fearful of her sudden interest in politics and where that interest could sudden branch off too. Despite the fact she hardly even wanted this job, and thought Zone would be a much better Mayor, she appreciated that it gave her roots since the only ones she had previously uprooted it's self in Esthar.

"Are you looking for us to intervene in your father's campaign?" Squall's first words came as he started to scribble words on to his note pad. "We don't get involved in family feuds."

"No! That's not what I'm saying at all! We intend to keep Timber out of Galbadia hands as peacefully as possible WITHOUT SeeDs. Should he try to reoccupy us it will be between him and I, if it comes down to it… " Rinoa flushed the moment his eyes reached out to her. She couldn't even finish the thoughts she had in her head with those brazen eye's poking holes through her confidence, but Seifer found no problem stepping in right then.

"We have found credibly threats against her life. From the intel we received it looks like this job is not being done by a small group with a grudge." He looked over to Rinoa unsympathetically wincing. "… From the plans we intercepted it's a large scale operation not looking to spare any expenses to achieve their goals and might I add it looks like a pretty painful way to go, Rinoa."

She hadn't heard the details and she was thankful for that.

"It's more then just her life though," Watts took over before anyone could react to Seifer's lack of professionalism. "Her life is just the start, it looks too expand into a complete anti-Sorceress movement. She's just the first target but the threat includes all Sorceress."

"Any information why they are looking to do this?" Quintist asked.

She thought it would be obvious but maybe that was just a routine question in their evaluating prospective jobs.

"Oh, I don't know just a few too many homicidal Sorceress wars in recent history might have stirred the pot a bit." Zone irked by the same thought of it being obvious but Squall didn't seem too convinced.

"Any thought as to who is behind this?" Quistist

"Not even a start, though this kind of operation on a massive scale would tell us it has to have government backing of some sort-"

"So that leaves just about every running candidate in Galbadia , Esthar, Winhill, Dolet and hell even Fisherman Horizon could be in on it for all we know." Seifer groaned. "Using deduction I'd say Fisherman horizon has no interest in wars, Winhill would like to follow in Timber's footsteps and get out from underneath Galbadia, puberty boy's father presidential father in Esthar is fond of Rinoa so we can scratch that off the list-"

"Whoa- wait, your father is the President of Esthar?" Zone looked at Squall surprised.

Seifer did that for kicks, and Squall refused to respond to it.

"How do we know it's not your father behind this?" Squall deflected looking up at Rinoa. "As mentioned having a Sorceress as a daughter ultamitly hurts his campaign and your an opposed their occupation. Maybe he is taking out his problem himself?

"Squall…" Her voice in her throat drop at the coldness he was displaying, even for him. "My father is the one who gave us the intelligence..."

"He did?" Squall seemed surprised and it was beginning to piss her off.

"Hired me to protect her." Seifer said in full arrogance.

"Is that so?" Quistis lost her neutrality.

Seifer who sent Quistis a mocking kiss and a wink before responding, "Papa gives a shit about little princess here, despite the conflicts politically, and it will probably will cost him the election so lets rule him out, shall we?"

"So specifically what do we know of their plans?" Irvine asked what was probably going through each of the other SeeDs heads.

"There will be a rally for the Independence movement to coincide with the political debates being held in Deling. Apparently, from the information we got, there will be an attack on Rinoa during these rallies-"

"Couldn't you just protect her?" Squall's eyes were red now like he was trying to fight sleep. " Seems to be a waste of Timbers small resources to hire us."

"If the threat was really just an attack on Rinoa's life, sure I could protect her. It's bigger then that Squally-" Seifer laid it out. "They want her to look bad. They want a reaction that will start unsettling the world again. My hunch and It's only that… a hunch…. Is that they want her to use her powers against opposition. The Sorceress wars is still too fresh in many people's minds…"

"So the plan is for us to take them out before they can take a attempt out on me. I'm taking an oath of patheism of Sorcery at the Rallies. I won't use my powers even in defense. I can't risk it…"

"They will defiantly want to challenge that oath right off the bat." Quistis agreed with her as Squall's pen stopped writing all of a suddenly.

"You'll take the job?" Zone prodded.

"Depends on the payment, what level of SeeDs you are requiring-"

"Wait wait wait!" Zell shot up clearly he'd been sitting far too long then that ball of energy could take. "What are you talking about? We're gonna to do this! I'm not trusting some seventeen year old with something this important!"

"Most of us were seventeen when we saved the world…" Squall eyes skewered Zell.

"Sit down Chicken-wuss… the adults are speaking." Seifer cracked leaning against the door with his arms folded.

"I WILL KICK-"

"Zell!" Squall said forcing Zell to turn around an unleashed his furry at the air behind him.

"I'm with Zell! Nobody else is good enough for Rinny. I'll donate my time!" Selphie thrust her hand up in the air.

Quistis turned to Selphie. "You're not allowed to just volu-"

"I'm with the rest of them. We're a team and we gotta stick together." Irvine nodded to Rinoa giving her with a half smile.

She couldn't help but laugh at the fact that both Squall and Quistis were losing the majority vote despite being the sole dictators of Balamb Garden. There was so many things she missed about her old family, that seeing their traits peak out behind their new found maturity reminded her that somethings wouldn't ever change despite the time that passed by. Really only one person had changed in this room… Which reminded her…

Rinoa let her mind wonder back to his, slowly prodding the delicate resistance he had build up against her. The drugs he had taken were wearing off, leaving his mind much more active then it had been earlier, but still nothing close to the energy she loved about him.

His hand tweaked at the intrusion. She now knew she could get the reaction she wanted; she just needed the perfect moment to deploy it.

"We can work with a payment plan..." Quistis resigned. "However to work with a third party-"

"Requires another contract." Seifer huffed annoyingly. " Like what? That I won't go crazy?"

Now was a good as time as ever with both keepers distracted. She prodded very hard into the mind of her Knight demanding entry. The intrusion made Squall drop his pen, but with everyone arguing around the table, no one seemed to notice the disruption at all.

Squall slowly met her eyes with a warning of their own. It was wouldn't work this time though. She kept pushing through the walls faster then he could rebuild them thanks to whatever he was on. Soon she broke through to exactly what she needed to hear. The sound and comfort of his mind and the very expletive assault words coming through; more clear then ever.

He suddenly stood up, but no one noticed until he was out the door.

"I got it!" Rinoa, pleased with the result, bolted up… much to the displeasure of the gatekeepers who were mid-contract and were unable to just drop everything to tear them apart. She would have at lest a few minutes before someone would try to retrieve him and she had to make it count.

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><p>She found him holding his head pacing in the halls, but this time the naughty words were out loud and not in his head. The moment his eyes recognized who had followed him out into the hallway he turned and stormed into the male restroom. Like that would stop her…<p>

She slammed the door open and his face dropped knowing he was cornered.

"You think you can escape from me that easily?" She kept him cornered despite his attempts to go around her.

"Isn't that little action back there a violation of your oath your about to take?" He cussed with such anger she really almost didn't recognize him.

"Haven't taken it yet so it's fair game." She said taking a step forward forcing him backwards. "But I'm going to take that oath Squall, really soon. You left me with no other option, but to corner you like this." She expected him to fight her, or say something but the love of her life kept silent, even when she backed him into the wall.

She pinned her hands on each side of him. There was nowhere else to go Leonheart. She would pry it out of him by force if she had too.

"What happened Squall?" She tried to catch his cold blue eyes, but they were far away from her. Not from the drugs… just lost in time. "I-Is it because I asked you to be the one? Squall, I'm taking the oath. I'm not going to be like those other Sorceresses. I won't need you to do that-"

"Rinoa..." He tried to stop her.

"If it's not that then what is it? Hyne help me, I've been a wreck trying to figure out what I've done wrong!" She pleaded knowing her time with the all-important man was coming to an end, and she was no closer to figuring anything out. "After everything we've been through… I thought you finally broke free of the insecurities of needing someone? How did we take ten steps back?"

She suddenly felt the urge to do what she had been denied of for so long. She acted on it knowing she may never get another chance like this again. She reached out touching his face, slowly tracing the sharp line of his jaw in absolute awe of how good it could feel to just feel his skin again. It seemed almost unnatural.

His eyes fell on to her now, either with passion or rage flowing through them. With Squall the two looks were very close if not identical. If she could shut her eyes right now she knew she could make herself believe that the touch was wanted. She could dream of what those lips on her would feel like again, but she didn't dare break her eyes way from him. She was too afraid of waking up to him being gone again.

"We need to have this conversation, but now isn't the time…" He finally spoke words that made sense. "I can't do this now. Don't ask me too."

He was pleading with her. It was harsh, and cold, but for Squall it was the most honest thing he has said to her in a long time. Maybe he was sincere in those words. Maybe she would get the closure she needed after all.

"But do you promise that conversation will really happen? Really?" she asked in a whisper. As he started so say something the door swung open behind them, crashing into the wall, snapping them out of the moment.

"They need both your seals to approve the contract." Seifer interrupted.

Squall suddenly looked conflicted in his thoughts. She was risking everything right now and she could see the hesitation in his mind turn to denial once more. She couldn't help herself as she quickly pressed her hands in to his shoulder pinning him firmly to the wall. But the act of strength ended there when she could feel the stinging sensation spreading through her eyes and her voice started to betray her emotions.

"You-still-love-me…You-still-love-me…" her voice was shaking as she fought hard to keep his eyes and herself together. "You still-"

Suddenly his eyes went cold and focused on her. His hands grabbed her wrists, squeezing tight enough to get her to release him. "-Love-me." She whispered painfully, as he moved passed her, leaving her to blink away the crushing defeat.

The two men left her in the bathroom, though to be fair Seifer did glance back to make sure she wasn't hurt. She tried to find a way to be calm and collected, even if it was just in appearances, before returning back to the boardroom.

He was quick to sign the papers throwing his signature messily across the bottom before demanding to leave, much to the protests of his fellow SeeDs, but the leader was quick to have his way.

"We'll see you later tonight Rinny!" Selphie bounced before walking out the door.

"Tonight?" Squall and Rinoa questioned at once.

Watt smiled at her and then gave her a wink. "Celebration party, duh!"

Quistis quickly pushed the Commander out the door, before he even had the chance to say anything.

She turned to Zone and Watts as the door closed. "Celebrations party? Why didn't I think of it?"

Her smile quickly faded upon seeing Seifer glaring at her from the doorway. It wasn't her idea for him to be here and as much as she tried to push him out the door he refused to leave. Memories of the past wasn't able to forgive so easily and his pissed off attitude didn't make it easier. He turned and walked away into the huge Manor they all now called home.

She couldn't help but take one last peek at her Knight walking next to Quistis, suddenly linking his arm with hers. Rinoa's jaw tensed a bit as the pain of the touch sparked jealousy in her. She shouldn't jump to conclusions, but that kind of physical touch was out of the norm for Squall. Rinoa could feel her stomach beginning to twist inside.


	6. Chapter 6

***I don't own these characters. Just love them!***

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><p>Chapter 6<p>

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><p>They jumped into the car and that was as far Squall could make it before turning.<p>

"Get us the hell out of here!" He shouted at the driver who jumped in fear to react quickly. "Drive damn it!"

Quistis sat up straight and turned to him with her cool piercing glance to try and reign him in. "Squall, are you alright? Speak to me."

He leaned back on the seat and laid his head painfully back on the seat as his two sides raged war on each other. The darkness was closing in on his eye sight again.

"I'm fine…. I'm fine."

He was far from fine.

He didn't know what to expect finally being that close to her again, but it sure as hell wasn't that! Hearing someone was threatening Rinoa brought him right to that edge. He could see what he was looming over and a part of him wanted to take that jump. It just about took everything in him to keep him from leaping full heartedly into the darkness that he felt, and with her trying to jump into his head like that… just to force him to see her… almost cost him everything. Her cornering him in the bathroom ignited everything he was trying his damndest to keep hidden.

He was craving her… in more ways then one.

The feeling that her over all presence had on him…. how did he not realize how much it had changed after Ultimecia? Just being near her gave him a peace that he unknowingly was missing desperately.

He wasn't sure he could blame that on her powers getting a hold of him, or if that was just the part of him that missed her, but being that close to her again made all their private moments rush in to his head. It made it almost impossible to restrain his body into holding her the way he used to. He was sure he was going to cave into those frightening persuasive lips that questioned him with frustrations that matched his own.

If Seifer hadn't come in at that moment, what would he be doing with her now? It was terrifying reality check, to how little resolve he had in this plan.

That was till she started whispering those hypnotic words again. They were new words, but just like the first time she used her hypnotic 'powers' at the graduation celebration, she got him out of the darkness and out of his own head. It snapped him out of it so quickly; it took even him by surprise. He did love her, and now he wished he had actually said those words to her. At lest once before this hell would fall on them.

But more importantly, he did still love her, and he wanted to protect her. He wanted her to have her life be her own, like he promised it would be. He would be there waiting for her, but from a far. He could take the burden for both of them. At lest for now… until there was another way.

"Drugs." He demanded holding out his hand.

Quistis nodded in his hazy vision that was slowly returning to normal. She pulled out the small pharmaseutical pill container and handed it over; to which he started to pop them into his mouth one by one.

"That doesn't look like fine." Quistis knew better then to push during these episodes though. It was why he trusted her with it all in the first place.

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><p>"<strong>Dr. Odine, Thank you for coming on such shor-"<strong>

"**Let me Zee my patient!" The short flamboyant man flew past Laguna, who nodded somberly following behind. The man could be nothing short but be described as odd, with his purple flared ensemble and collared neck that seemed to be counterproductive to his movement.**

**Squall pulled the blanket around him tighter around himself being that he was still in the same clothes (or lack there of) as the night he left. Now seated in the formal living room of the Presidental Residence, he was going to be subjected like a lab rate in one of Odine's experiments, and only now did Squall remember his fear of doctors. **

**Dr. Odine leaned into Squall's personal space, "You've been nothing but trouble Zince the moment I firzt met you, but nowz the payoff! The missing link in the book of Zorcery! The role of the Knight, in it'z earlizt of ztagez! And you-!" He turned to seifer stretching out his finger. "-Gone through to the end and out the otherzide. Fazinating!" **

**Dr. Odine pulled out his notes and started to scribble down his thoughts, thinking faster then he could write, droning on and on about theories that made no sense.**

"**You've had theories about this?" Laguna looked shocked.**

**Dr. Odine looked up excitedly. "Of courze!"**

"**Thanks for the fucking warning you, Quack." Seifer rolled his eyes.**

"**You Inzult me?" Odine puffed up, rolling his sleaves up, making Squall drop is head into his hands.**

"**Dr. Odine," Laguna quickly diverted the small meltdown with his diplomatic ways. "From what I told you over the phone, do you think Squall's reaction-"**

"**He waz anzwering the call of hiz deztiny!"**

"**Hear that Squally-boy? You've got a romantic dream all your own." Seifer smirked.**

"**Shut up."**

"**Hiz abilitiez iz enhanzed around her, and maybez that is the ztrength behind hiz defeating Ultimezcia, I dunno! But I do know too much powerz on the mind and he will go inzane!"**

**Seifer had been telling the truth. He could feel his stomach drop, and for once the bastard didn't even have a cocky attitude about it. He was leaning up against the back wall voided of all emotion as he watched the doctor inspecting him.**

"**They will feedz off each otherz and BOOM! Dizazter!" **

"**Is there a way to stop this Dr. Odine?" Cid was the one to interupt this time.**

"**They can keep far apart. Likez you and Edea. It'z that eazy."**

"**That can't be the only solution!" Laguna shocked everyone. "Ripping these two apart-!"**

'**-What other choice is there Laguna?" Kiros asked but Ward stood next to Laguna complete agreement**

**It was bizarre for Squall to listen to the people around him discuss his personal life openly as if he were dead to the world, but the same thought was running over and over in his mind. He was about to lose her… He was about to lose the very person who exposed his dark world and brought him back into the light. He finally just understood what it was like to have someone in his life again and now the idea he would be forced back in to solitude started to build the rage again.**

"**Therez all wayz the Odine Bangel theory." Odine sighed trying to wrap his mind around the problem.**

**Those words struck familiar ground. To Squall "Wait, Rinoa used one on Edea when she was possessed by Ultemcia. It didn't work."**

"**No of courze it didn't! It waz too weak… Iz never imagined zuch power!" He said in awe of the situation.**

"**Could you make one to contain Rinoa's powers?" Laguna seemed inspired.**

"**No ideaz. I abandon the projectz when zomebody wanted to trap a zorcerezz in zpace."**

"**Oh," Laguna looked down sheepishly as Squall rolled his eyes. "not good."**

"**I can make no promizez, but I'll look in to itz." Odine nodded in deep thought.**

"**My vision… Will it return to normal?" Squall was tired of siting in the haze that prevented him from getting the hell out of there.**

"**Yeah. It will come back… eventually." Seifer said with his face still somber. "All you can do is kill time… Personally, I fished a lot." **

"**Well I guess all we can do is wait for you Dr. Odine. Thank you." Cid said as everyone began to shuffle towards the front door talking about the two Knights once more without holding back on their ideas of how to make this work. Squall couldn't take it anymore**

**Squall turned towards his sworn enemy who still hadn't moved from the wall. Squall wasn't the only one subjected to this science experiment. There would be no doubt Odine would want to study Seifer as part of the missing link. He couldn't be sure, but from the way he was standing there taking the comments about the moments of his insanity, he seemed to be just as invested in this as Squall was. **

**But why? It didn't make sense to him. He turned his back on Seifer long ago and frankly the fact he was here unnerved him.**

"**I probably should say something." Squall stated, but didn't move any closer to an apology.**

**Seifer let out a sudden laugh of annoyance and turned to Squall, still lacking his normal cocky attitude.**

"**When I came out of the mind-fuck Ultemcia left me in.. it was me against the world. All the gardens turned their back on me; every city I went to shunned me. The only two people who had any faith in what I said were Raijin and Fujin. You though…" He started to laugh again shaking his head in disbelief. "… Golden boy here gets a whole team and a fucking fan club to stand by him."**

**Life handed Seifer a raw deal and even Squall could admit that, now. The idea that Squall could've just as easily turned into that same path seemed foreign but the idea was coming around. Still one thing still hung unanswered.**

"**Why didn't you let me crash and burn? Had to be tempting right?"**

**Squall could see Seifer mulling it over in his own head.**

"**The whole world might remember you for saving it, but you'll have to remember that it was I who saved you from yourself." He looked over in what seemed from the tone of his voice a smug expression. "That's enough justice for me... for now."**


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, I do not own these characters. I'm just having fun with them!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 7<strong>_

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><p>The mood was less then ecstatic on the drive back to Garden. Zell sat eerily still in the front passenger seat, while Irvine and Selphie sat in back watching their car push through the media that had waited outside the gates. The flashes bombarded looking for the perfect picture that would be splashed on the cover of every newspaper, from here to Esthar by morning.<p>

No one said anything, until they returned to the home base and walked into one of the many secured staff rooms, on reserved for important meetings. If there was ever a time for a special private staff meeting, it was now.

Irvine glanced at the brunette, who was the first one to pick her seat, stared down lifelessly at the floor, looking like someone had just kicked her chocobo. It was a sad sight to see someone as spritely as Selphie be that depressed. Irvine couldn't take it anymore when he positioned himself strategically in front of her.

"Hey guys, snap out of it! It could've gone worse." Irvine made it his job to get everyone out of this funk. "We get to protect Rinoa! It's the whole team back together again!"

His enthusiasm was met with no response, till Selphie looked up to him. "Maybe… but 'Operation: get Rinaul laid' ended in fiery flames."

And with it, probably his own chances of finally getting laid that night.

Damn you Squall.

He sunk into the chair closest to him, and under his weight forcing itself to turn in a few times, before throwing his cowboy hat on the freshly waxed table.

"So, did he say anything in the car?" Irvine looked to Zell who leaned against the door; forbidding entry to anyone hoping to disturb them.

Zell looked up at their eager faces before he began to shake his head in disbelief

"Nothing." It was like he suddenly gave Zell the permission to explode. "Not a damn thing! He just went back to his bullshit quiet self!"

"Meanwhile, did anyone see Rinny's face?" Selphie.

Both the men looked at each other before shrugging clueless, causing the brunette to frown. "She seemed just as tense as us around Squall!"

Irvine cupped his mouth with his hand, thinking about how everyone was surprised when the Commander showed up at the garden a month ago, cutting his Hiatus short. Well actually, that didn't surprise them. That was almost expected of Squall, but showing up without Rinoa did.

Eventually they learned she was in Timber and heard about her campaign to be come mayor. It had been sort of a consensus between them all, that this was the path both of them had picked during their stay in Esthar. That was till today. Clearly only one of them had decided this, and all of them were in the dark till now.

"It's really none of our business." Irvine reminded them, knowing it was going to be the unpopular opinion. Selphie jumped down his throat the moment the words flew out of his mouth, reinforced that idea.

"Of course it is!" She defended vigorously. Yup, there was no chance he could sweet talk her into his bed tonight. "How is this not? We're all a family and it's falling apart!"

She started to whimper a bit, holding back both anger, and the tears that wanted to come. Zell too shot Irvine a look that was a warning to get on get on board with their plans, or step out of their private meeting.

Irvine hated the truth as much as anyone, but maybe they all had to accept that things might have ran their course between the Commander and Rinoa. Sometimes relationships do not last. It was a simple part of life, but it was also not a shock that his cohorts were feeling this disillusioned by the crushing news. All of them suffered from abandonment issues from growing up in an orphanage. So of course it would hit them the hardest to see two of their most ideal mates split. Even Irvine had to admit that seeing the awkward exchange made him less secure in perusing his own desired relationship.

"Doesn't it bother anyone else that Quistis seems blissfully unaware of what's going on?" Zell threw out his hand looking for reactions.

"A good act, but she can't fool me!" Selphie perked up, her sadness slowly fading into excitement. "She totally knows what's going on, right?"

"Hellz yeah she does! She's practically kissing his ass every day. How couldn't she know?" Zell leapt off the door into a chair next to Selphie leaning too lose to her for Irvine's comfort. "I wonder what she knows about Seifer being there?"

"She didn't seem as shocked as us that's for sure." Selphie admitted racking her brain.

Watching these too was almost as good as any soap opera. Irvine couldn't help but watch these two with a smile. How they could go from sadness to renew strength to fight on was inspiring to anyone.

"Operation get Rinaull back together!" Selphie questioned to Zell leaving Irvine out of the equation.

"Operation get Rinaull back together!" Zell confirmed with exuberance once more.

Selphie and Zell gave each high fives, before setting their eyes on the lanky cowboy still straddling the preverbal fence. Oh, how he wish he was straddling something else right about now and his answer would defiantly be affecting if he was going to be anytime in the near future.

Irvine watched those virescent eyes holding his. Selphie's light pink lips slightly parted anxiously protesting that Irvine actually had to take his time to think his answer through.

While the majority of Irvine's gut instinct was telling him that whatever those two were about to come up with, it was only going to lead them down a path that could royally get them in trouble with their Commander.

With that said, he couldn't deny that he too had this gnawing sixth sense that Seifer suddenly showing up a month ago, along with the sudden estrangement of Squall and Rinoa, couldn't be coincidence either.

Against his better judgment, Irvine threw his hand down on the table.

"Well, what are we waiting for? What's the next move?" He smiled seeing the faint traces of a smile grow on Selphie's face.

After all, his life was about women and guns and not about bros…

_Sorry Squall_.


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own these characters. I just love them!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<br>**

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><p><strong>When Dr. Odin left the presidential palace, Squall was given respite through one of the few rooms he hadn't destroyed during his psychotic break down. The murkiness of his vision was disconcerting giving he fully knew that the room was lightly lit by lamps on the far side of the room. Still he had trouble pushing through the darkness enough to get a sense of the lay out of the room.<strong>

**He had told Laguna and Kiros that he would be fine by himself, but truly this was the first time Squall was hesitant on his own decision. He tried to take a few steps forward only to trip on a chair that had suddenly materialized in front of him. Squall should have been able to recover quickly, but his world seemed to tip sideways making him over compensate, sending him to the ground.**

**The crash was loud, and truthfully, Squall was surprised when it didn't bring the all ready on edge hosts rushing back to his room incase he had another laps in sanity. Thankfully, he wouldn't be mortified by anyone seeing his impaired status.**

**Squall took his time righting himself, before finding the only safe way to navigate the room in his current condition was through use of his hands as guides along the wall, soon finding a door leading to the bathroom.**

**The lights in there must have been blindingly bright, as it added a little clarity to his dark world. He could see a reflection of a man starring back at him, and from his mimicking gestures it could only be himself. **

**Squall leaned in on the sink taking a long closer look at his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognized himself. Disheveled would be an improvement. He looked gaunt and war torn. Even from the haze it was obvious he had spent the last week sleepless. While he never had worried about the condition his hair was in in the first place, even he was embarrassed by the unkempt nature it was left in through his struggle to gain his sanity. **

**In the moments of his mental break, he clearly had not been worried about his own nutritional needs. He had slightly thinned out in his face leaving his cheeks haggard looking. He slumped over slightly holding up his bruised and tattered hands that told of his struggles against Kiros and Ward. If his bruised and dirty hands didn't confirm it, the sweat he had built up told him more about his struggles then anyone ever could. **

**Hyne, he'd give anything to gain some perception to the emotion that was raining down on him at this moment, but it was as foreign to him as the situation was. **

**He forced the beaten pair of pants he was wearing off and with his hands as guides, lead himself along the tiled wall, to the walk in shower incased in a dark stone covering that took away the little sight he had gained. **

**He stood naked, trying to adjust the shower, first being pelted with icy water till fluctuating it to a more tolerable level. He stood there, placing each hand on either side of him, and let his body weight rest against them for a moment before letting his head drop forward absorbing the water that fell down on him. **

**His long hair clung to his face, as he forced his arms to bear the brunt of his weight for a moment, unsure if he could stand on his own. He stood like that allowing himself to feel the ragged breaths constricting his own chest. He was indeed alive, though he didn't feel like it. The unbearable beating of his heart was the reminder of it. **

**What was wrong with him? What did he want?**

**His body answered him with a longing that was so unnaturally compelling that he nearly surrendered to its demands once more. He wanted Rinoa. More then physically, he wanted to feel the bond that had grown eerily quiet in her absence. He wanted to hear her voice whispering his name, as her lips crossed his in light kisses of praise. He wanted to feel her softness of her hands touch his back, giving him her strength to continue to fight on against the people that wanted to separate them.**

**This wasn't him. What was it? The insanity?**

**He was mostly in his right mind, at lest enough to push away the darkness that begged him to fall into its fold. But like the most addictive drug, she still was calling out to him, luring him in with promises of peace from the aching pain growing in his head. It was all the proof he would ever need that everything Seifer had been saying was true.**

**He felt his fist flying into the stone connecting at damaging speed, but in feeling the piercing pain a second of clarity cut through what was clouding his mind. **

**It felt good. The pain felt real when nothing else did.**

**He struck with his other fist, again the pain of her missing bond subsided, however once he started he found he couldn't stop the need of physical release. He smashed his fist hard in to the unforgiving stone several more times, letting the wall take the rage of injustices that had befallen on them. That was until he felt a scorching pain from above, knocking him backwards out of line of the shower's spray. **

**In his moment of weakness, he must have struck shower controls putting it on the hottest setting, which inadvertently set his mind straight once more. He didn't need to see the blood on his knuckles to know it was there. He could feel the pain and wetness that wouldn't go away. He leaned his head back demanding his heart rate lower once more before sticking the injured extremity in the scaling water in order to turn it off.**

**He struggled less on the way out, finding a towel to wrap around his waist and a smaller version for his hand. All he wanted to do now was fade off into a different darkness; One that would lead to a new day and hopefully more recovered state of mind.**

**He limped out into the dark room but froze quickly. He knew someone was in there waiting for him, and he hardly needed to see the shadow of the intruder to know whom it was. He would know the signature that he gave off from anywhere. That was one of the side effects from spending so much time his head.**

"**I had brought you some of my clothes." Laguna's voice attempted to remain neutral, but the embarrassment came through despite his diligence.**

"**Oh." Was all Squall could manage to say. He had hoped that would be the end of it, but the lack of movement that followed said otherwise. **

"**The clothes?" Squall reminded when the silence had remained too long.**

"**Oh, right." The voice said growing closer till Squall could feel soft material touching his free hand. "I guess your vision hasn't improved?"**

**Squall took the bundle of fabric in silence hoping that would be enough to affirm it. He shuffled a few steps till he felt a bed hit his knees and allowed his hands to search the fabric for a clue of their identities.**

"**Your left hand is holding a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. You dropped a pair of grey sweat pants on the bed- Oh the boxers are new. We had, um, sent out Kiros earlier…" Laguna stumbled over himself with the last but very important information. The last thing Squall wanted to learn about this man was whether he was a boxers or brief kind of guy.**

**Squall stalled waiting for some sign that Laguna had made his way out, but unfortunately it was appearing it wasn't going to end that way as Laguna's next sentence came floating back slightly muffled. Most likely from his back being turned to Squall. **

_**Because my life couldn't be any tougher right now**_**, Squall thought.**

" **You know, I've spent the last eighteen years of my life thinking I had lost my only chance of having a family of my own, back in Winhill…"**

_**Was he seriously going to do this here and now? While he was half naked?**_

**Squall had no idea how to react to the uncomfortable situation he had been placed into. He had been condition not to be a prude when it came to changing in front of people. After all, being on recon missions it was often that SeeDs would be in tight corridors where privacy was a luxury they had to do without. But the idea of standing in front of his possible genetic donor, as he was determined to unearth some sort of lineage connection, was hardly comfortable to do clothed and nearly impossible in his current state.**

"**We don't need to do this now-" Squall was quickly cut off.**

"**Apparently, I do or it may never happen." Laguna fidgeted and from what Squall knew of him it was likely a leg cramp coming on. "This may be the only time I can get you in a room with without you either decking me or walking away. I told you back in Ragnarock we needed to talk, but from what Mr. Almasy has told me about you, you would be determined to not have it at all."**

**Squall sunk into the cursing in his head. And pinched the bridge of his nose. He was wondering how Seifer had found out about his paternal issues. Now things became a little more painfully clear. Laguna had asked Seifer about him…his former arch nemesis. **

_**What was this guy thinking?**_

"**Disregard everything he has told you." Even if it was truthful in this situation. Squall bit the bullet disrobing and started to dress as fast as he wish he could run out of there.**

"**I figured some of the information was a bit… skewed." Laguna admitted from a dark corner of a room. "When Ellone came to Esthar and told me about the child I had no idea existed… Well I was more then stunned, to say the least. I actually wanted her to be wrong. I doubted her at the time. Part of me wanted me to forget what I was told."**

**Squall would have liked to interject on that last part, it might have been preferable for both parties if he had, but Laguna, subconsciously knowing Squall's hesitance, didn't allow for him to interrupt.**

"**Although seeing you in person back then... I lost all those doubts that you're Raine's child. You truly look so much like her. I don't have any doubts that you are mine."**

"**You don't?" Squall certainly did. More like he wanted to have doubts for his own security, because trying to imagine himself genetically related to this man… well that would be disappointing.. Weather it was embarrassment or annoyance but Laguna continued pretending he hadn't heard Squall's remark.**

"**I've wondered what I'd say if I ever got this chance to talk to you alone. Honestly, I could never come up with anything good. I wonder what Raine would say looking down at the two of us right now."**

**That idea was uncomfortable. He personally left the idea of his mother out of this equation. She was gone. She wasn't thinking about anything anymore and Squall would like to keep it that way.**

"**Don't make this any more difficult than this needs to be." Squall said now dressed and awkward sitting on the bed he so desperately wanted to be sleeping in.**

**He heard a laugh that frightened to his core. It was a soft stifled laugh. Too much like his own that it paralyzed Squall's mind in sheer terror.**

"**I could imagine those exact words coming from her. Just like that…" He suddenly had got serious. "That being said, I'll just come on with it-"**

_**It's ' come out with it' you moron.**_** Squall, lowered his head in his hands.**

"**I know you're grown. You don't need a father anymore, and even if you did I've been absent your entire life. You probably wouldn't want me in that role anyways. Despite having regret, there's little I can offer you, except one thing… To be there in anyway you might need me. Now and in the future."**

**Squall mulled that over. Laguna could do whatever he wants. Squall wished he had ended up somewhere else that night he barreled out into Esthar's streets. Had he known it would have lead to this conversation, he would have gone to the hospital instead.**

"**What are you planning to do about Rinoa?" Laguna interrupted Squalls thoughts.**

**Did he really have to tell him? Wasn't it obvious?**

"**I don't have much of a choice. It seems that the general consensus is that I must stay away from her."**

"**That's what everyone keeps saying." Laguna's voice dropped dramatically from his normally carefree quality to something more strikingly pessimistic. "Will you tell her about all this?"**

**Did he want an answer right here and now? **

**Squall hadn't thought that far a head, and he was hoping not to until he was forced to come up with a plan. But there was one thing that had been lingering on the back of his mind for hours now, and it was eating away slowly at him.**

"**I don't want to lose her." It came out instead of remaining in his own head.**

**Why the hell was he mentioning this to him? Squall was so mortified by the out loud admission, that he threw himself back on the bed, and covered his eyes with his injured hand.**

"**I feel like somehow this is my fault that this has happened to you." Laguna said still without his normal freeing attitude, Squall guessed somethings apparently did change with time.**

"**That doesn't make any sense. None of this has anything to do with you." Squall's voice cracked harder then it should have.**

"**I know who Rinoa is, or I should say, who her mother was-"**

**He was NOT going to go there. Rinoa and Squall had pieced the awkward information together already and agreed to never bring it up again. **

"**I feel like I passed some of my personal woes to you somehow. Is it possible to pass on love misfortune to your offspring?"**

**Squall needed this conversation to end. NOW.**

"**Scientifically that's not possible, and unless you had something to do with Rinoa absorbing two different sorceress's powers, you are off the hook. So stop talking about it."**

**Some reason Squall knew the next few words were offered through a weak smile. "Can't say that I did, but if I could take this burden from you two, I would in a heart beat. Since I can't, I just want to give you something to think about. Maybe it's the only thing I can offer you in the end."**

"**Oh and what's that?" Squall mocked slightly.**

"**My mistakes. Learn from them. I don't want you to repeat them."**

"**You mean fathering a son that killed your wife and abandoning you responsibility?" Squall questioned. "Not sure how much you know about sorceresses, but offsprings is not an issue we have to worry about." **

**Yeah, it was cold, but it wasn't like Laguna picked up on it anyways. One thing was for sure, for as dense as Squall apparently was for other's emotions, Laguna was equally dense when someone was mocking him.**

"**No, I don't want you to get so wrapped up in saving the world from impending doom, that one day you wake up to find there is no one there for you to share it with." His voice seemed further away now. "I got so wrapped up in Esthar's problems and lost what really mattered. I don't want you to suffer the same fate I did. Life's too long to have those kind of regrets."**

"**There are really no comparisons between your situation and mine." Squall defended.**

"**From what Almasy said, you carry the weight of others on your own shoulders-" **

_**Damn you Seifer...**_

"**-You're planning to not tell Rinoa about all of this, are you?"**

"**I haven't really thought about it." Squall mumbled.**

**That was partially a lie. Deep down he knew that would be the most logical way for him to move forward. He could take the pain for both of them. Of course he would hurt her in an unimaginable way, leaving her with very little reasons as to why he suddenly was pulling back, but watching her struggle with hope that someday maybe they could be together? What if that day never came? He didn't want to see her spirit broken and eventually that free spirit would be.**

**In time, if there were no way to bind her powers, she would forget about him and move on. Her mother suffered from a broken heart but eventually did- Hyne maybe you could pass misfortune on to your children. **

"**I wish I had leaned on your mother more. Who knows how life would've been different had I kept her close … and if I had known about you…" His voice stopped suddenly, tripping up on the pain before pushing it back. "Don't follow the same path I did, Squall. You two should do everything in your powers to keep the hope alive. Don't live with the kind of regret I have."**

**Squall did have hope. Granted the chances were minuscule, but he had gone through several sorceress battles and time compression to get where he was now and the odds were probably worse then. He would be damned if he gave this up with out a fight, but still the practical side of him always had a back up plan incase of failure.**

"**Esthar is always open to you, Squall. No matter what you chose to do." Laguna stated from the darkness. "I'll be working closely with Dr. Odine, but promise me you'll just think about what I said. "**

**Squall never heard Laguna's footsteps leaving the room but he knew the exactly moment he was gone by the traces of his energy suddenly disappearing.**

**Squall was left with the solitude he had welcomed most of his life, but now, more then ever, he realized how much things had changed for him this past year and a half. And how badly he didn't want it to change. Again.**


	9. Chapter 9

These are not my characters. I just love Them!

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

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><p>Evening was falling on the Garden, finally putting to rest the torturous day to rest. Well that would be true for everyone, except the man storming the courtyard, next to her. Normally, when all the students would heading off to their dorm rooms it would signify the start of his day of boring paper work, but it was clear to Quistis that Squall was finding it harder and harder to focus while being docked in Timber. He was tense, and clearly distracted by the thoughts in his head. So much so, that he hardly saw the potted plant, before Quistis gently pulled him out harms way, gathering a few looks from the students that surrounded them.<p>

Irritated with the almost embarrassing collision Squall pulled over to the side of the courtyard and managed to just wait long enough for a group of junior cadets to walk out of hearing range before, he started take his anger out on her.

"I can't be expected to keep going like this!" He said rubbing his eyes for the millionth time. They were red and water from the irritation "I can only imagine what our clients thought when the Commander of Balamb Garden ran into the door frame. If rumors start to spread about me, what is that going to do to our contracts?"

"You're being paranoid, Squall. So keep it in check. The only thing hurt by that little incident was your pride." Quistis stated trying to keep him grounded to reality. From what Laguna told her about him back in Esthar, it wouldn't be the first time that thoughts like these would spin off into violent outburst that would be far more damaging to him then him walking into objects. "I'll casual bring up the next time I see our clients, that you had you're yearly eye exam and you had your eyes dilated. I'm sure no one would question it further."

He only responded in a scoff before blinking a few times.

Quistis was glad that her boss wasn't able to see the expression on her fact at that moment, or how many times she had rolled her eyes since their contract meeting had ended. This day had already been too long, starting with that uncomfortable meeting with Rinoa, and unfortunately for her Commander, it hadn't improved as he had to sit in an office all day listening to others extending their contracts for bids.

Normally, she would suggest he work out the building stress in the training center, but his vision worried her greatly. Dr. Kadowaki had warned her about what symptoms to watch out for, but she had seen very little evidence that this sorceress bond existed. That was until now.

Watching him suffer endlessly like this was difficult for her, and the fact that there was nothing she could do for him troubled her greatly. She couldn't even assist him with the piles of paper work that had filled his office while he was on hiatus in Esthar. Everything needed to be done by his hand and his alone. There was no time for this poor man to rest.

Then there was also the problem looming on the horizon concerning his friends that he seemed blissfully unaware of.

"You should know that our friends had occupied a staff room, for a _private_ meeting, a few hours ago."

That got his attention, away from the embarrassing moment he had just experienced. Squall closed his eyes letting his weight shift to one leg before speaking in so quiet tone, which was nearly drowned out by a large group of overexcited cadets. "That's a complication I don't need right now. I want to keep them out of it."

"I don't think you can Squall. They're already suspicious, and truthfully, maybe it would be better if they did know. Maybe it would be better if everyone knew-" Quistis took the opening before being quickly cut down by the erratic Commander who seemed on edge.

"We've already had this conversation, and having it here of all places-" Squall eye's opened to chastise her till she cut him off.

"-Talking about it here will finally give me the opportunity to say what I think before you run away again!" She said bluntly giving into the frustration. "Hyne, Squall what would be so wrong for you to lean on the them a bit?"

"I have your shoulder don't I?" He asked, his face dropping all expression.

That was a fine line for Quistis to walk. That last thing she wanted to do was alienate him about the subject, because he did come to her, and she never thought she would see the day Lionheart would find something he couldn't handle on his own. She was beyond honored that he came to her, but at the same time she questioned if keeping this from them was really beneficial.

"They are your friends. I know they'd want to help you just as much as I do, Squall."

"So tell me, what do I do if I tell them, only to find Dr. Odine can't come up with anything that will help me from losing my mind? What if I'm forced to stay away from her forever?" His voice held the concern that his face didn't display. "You are the one always concerned about other people's feelings, so tell me how do I break it to them if we fail?"

The situation killed Quistis to think about. As SeeDs it was nearly impossible to find someone who can understand their life style, let alone accept it the way Rinoa had. Most SeeDs go through their lives alone or with multiple partners to ease the loneliness. For Squall to have found someone, and then have these extreme circumstance keep them unjustly apart…. Well, Quistis could actually sympathize; more then her commander would ever know.

"I'd rather they move on thinking I'm the jerk that broke her heart then having them feel pity for me for the rest of my life." His voice while hushed was still gathering looks from the few cadets that hung out near by.

"People are looking now." She let him know, allowing him the chance to back off the conversation, before drawing more attention.

"That's the problem. People will always looking at me Quistis. I want them to see strength and not weakness."

"That's a lonely way to live Squall." Quistis whispered.

"You're telling me something I already know." His steel cold eyes seemed far away. "I would've been fine living my life another way, but since fate is sick enough to throw this at us, I have to do what I need to keep Rinoa and the world safe. That's my only mission."

While his personality had always been a little tensed, being near Rinoa this morning had elevated his erratic behavior. Even now he seemed to be fidgeting ever so slightly, which was odd for a man who could nearly fit in with the statues that adorn Balamb.

Her eyes scanned the marble courtyard that was losing it's evening light, and now that evening classes had let out, was flooded with students that were standing around in small groups, still discussing their commanders rare presence in a public space. Unfortunately the attention was drawing the conversation to a close.

"Come on." Qusitis pulled on his arm to follow. "Dr. Kawdoki is waiting for you."

That garnished a lengthy look from the icy blue glaciers that he was born with. She linked her arm around his, ignoring the silent warning of his stare, and the increasingly strange looks casted by the students.

"I'm fine-" He protested in his words, but his feet followed blindly to her guidance.

"It's a requirement from Cid, and frankly even I'm concerned about you right now." Quistis said truthfully. "Let me take you there-"

"Don't you have a party to go to?" He suddenly reminded her of the commitment she had completely forgotten about.

"Squall don't be a pain in my ass." She shot him a look knowing he was trying, once again, to get out of the mandated doctor visit Cid had set up.

"I'm serious." Squall pulled back freeing himself. "Be my eyes and ears. If you won't go, I'll be forced too. "

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" She asked not amused.

"I can handle walking down to Dr. K's by myself. I've done it before, so go."

Squall watched Quistis look up at the richly engraved clock that served the students and teachers alike, but as it stood now, she was running late to meet up with the group for the transport over to Mayor hill. If she had any chance of going now would be her only chance.

"Fine." She relented hesitantly. "You better be go to this appointment, Squall or I won't hold back in kicking your ass, even if your blind as a bat."

He nodded a few times automatically, making her wonder if he was even listening to her, but it was too late as he started to walk away, letting his hand gracefully touch the wall for guidance.

The last thing Quistis should be doing was letting her _'teetering over the edge'_ commander be storming the halls by himself, but personal matters were over riding her sensibilities once again. It seems like she always let her personal life over take her professional one.

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><p>Quistis saw the group waiting outside Garden near a waiting car, clearly arguing with each other if they should leave without their remaining party, but it was quickly broken up with Selphie being the first one to spot Quistis.<p>

"Quistis-!" Selphie's smile quickly faltered after quickly assessing she was alone. "Wait, where's Squall?"

Quistis smiled slightly as to answer the slight panic in the rambunctious brunette's voice. "He still has one more meeting this evening. I'm sure he will try to join us if it doesn't go too late."

He would not be joining them. That was for sure, and it seemed like the group understand that too.

"Well, shall we go?" Quistis looked at the boys standing lethargically behind Selphie. It was Irvine who broke into a smile first.

"I know I am!" He clapped his hands making the group jump slightly. "I'm ready to see what kind of party goes on in Mayor Hill. Perhaps a few drinks and scandal clad women…"

That made Selphie turn around shooting him a dirty look. "What kind of Mansion do you think Rinoa lives in?"

"Hey I'd settle for you under dressed any day."

"Settle?" Selphie eyebrows raised in ire at a very unfortunate choice of words the cowboy's used.

Irvine realized his gaff right away and tried to back track. "I don't mean it like settle-settle"

Selphie walked by him to take the singular seat in the front seat of the car, dooming the Cowboy's plans of wooing instantly.

"Great with the women, huh?" Zell grinned popping the door open for them to slide into the back seat of the car. "Should we be concern about your marksmanship, too?"

"Shit, and this evening had promise too." Irvine feigned the dramatics before getting in next to Quistis.

The followed the road to Mayor hill relatively quiet this time, with none of the circus that had occurred earlier that morning, but she still had the same amount of anxiety knowing she may see him again.

"You don't think Seifer would be there, do ya?" Zell looked over at her suddenly forcing the other heads in the car to follow suit.

"I would expect he would be at Mayors hill." She said more calmly then how she felt. "He is being paid after all by her father to watch her."

"Why do you think her father would pick a psychotic ex knight that tried to take over the world?" Irvine supposed. Of all people it was Irvine that made Quistis the most nervous. Despite his mask of only caring about woman and guns he seemed to form a great attachment to the group and seemed to be quicker then most.

"I don't know. Caraway has never been a SeeD supporter, so he had to find someone else capable of the job… Or Perhaps he wanted to hurt her campaign, but if it was that I would say it back fired." She pretended she had no idea. "I must remind you all that he is a third party in our contract, and is protected under all three Gardens, so whatever personal opinions you may have it would be wise to keep to yourself."

Zell was always the one who had the hardest time keeping his mind to himself. "You're kidding right?"

She didn't respond which made the blonde spiky haired martial artist even more wound up. Now for her sake she hoped Seifer wouldn't be foolish enough to invade their space more then he had too. That was asking a lot.

The car drove up to the rough iron gated mansion and after everyone handed over their credentials there were allowed to pull forward to the massive three story home that had been hand lovingly made from timber's logs generations ago.

Quistis stepped out of the car as the giant elaborate timber door opened allowing a beaming Rinoa bolting through.

"Welcome! Welcome!" She threw up her hands in excitement.

"Looks like someone started the party without us!" Irvine shouted excitedly, noting Rinoa's altered state.

"Correction! You all-" She pointed to all of them. "- are late!"

She stopped for a moment counting heads realizing they were minus one, but if it had bothered her she masked it well. She held the door open, beckoning her guests to join her.

Zell bounced up the stars the fastest, but Selphie wasn't far behind, and finally caved into her urge to bear hug Rinoa as tightly as she could, making Rinoa slosh her drink. Once Selphie released her to bolt into the home, Irvine draped his arm around Rinoa's shoulder, and the two were instantly submerged in conversation. They picked up like they had never lost contact in the time after Ultimecia.

Quistis was jealous of her friends around her being so carefree walking into the house, and it was only then that she thought maybe Squall was right. Maybe it was better that they had these moments where they could simply enjoy life. Even Quistis was hung up knowing the truth behind why the commander wasn't here. It casted a long shadow on a night that should have been filled with laughter.


	10. Chapter 10

I do not own these characters! I just 3 them!

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><p>Chapter 10<p>

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><p>"Shortness of breath?" Dr. Kadowaki looked down from the usual checklist, her black hair pulled back from her robust face that was pulled tight in a serious expression.<p>

"No."

"Slurred speech?"

"No."

"Changes in vision?"

"No."

"Violent out bursts?"

"No."

Dr. Kadowaki looked up at him, folding the clipboard in her arms, pursing her lips together in thought. He sat on the steel table watching the waves on the printout the machine was picking up from his breaths and pulse. She put her pen to her lips unfolding the lie detector papers studying his answers with a critical eye.

"So nothing to report from your Meeting with Ms. Heartily?" She asked once more watching his answers carefully.

"It went as smoothly as you had predicted." He answered watching her face for a clue to how he was doing

"And the antidepressants, I had given you?" She was determined not give up so easily.

He hesitated. "I don't like the effects but I do believe they did their job."

"I never expected you'd like it." She looked at up at him with his report card in hand. "Seems you have passed the lie detector with flying colors, Commander."

"I have nothing to hide." He looked at her. "We're all on the same side, aren't we?"

That when She suddenly flicked her pen at him hitting him the face which caused him to exploded.

"What the hell-?" He said suddenly enraged. "Do you normal throw pens at your patients Kadowaki?"

"Not normally, but the ones that tend to lie to their prescribing doctors and mess with their lie detectors get specially treatment." She said setting down the clipboard. "How about we go over this again. You lie to me again and I'm going to throw something a lot bigger at you and I'm guessing you won't catch that either."

Squall let out a frustrated sigh knowing that her threat held some water he lowered his head in defeat that he knew would come.

"Shortness of breath?" She asked again.

"When I was near her… yes." Was it necessary to do it like this? He felt his nerves bring pushed to the edge. It was so hard to tell what was his normal resistance to personal questions and the irritability he was fighting to hide.

"Slurred speech?"

"No."

There was a long pause from the doctor as she made the uncomfortable silence last longer then it needed too.

"Does it sound like I'm sluring?

"Changes in vision?"

Squall looked away and Dr. Kadowaki nodded already knowing the answer. "How bad would you say?"

"Relatively Minor compared to Esthar and it seems to be subsiding." He looked up at her. "I think if you threw something large then a pen I'd catch it."

"Violent outburst."

That was a hard one to answer. "Not outwardly, but inwardly… I'm restless."

"Are you finding yourself having delusion of grandeur?" These were not the normal questions. He bit down on his lip knowing she had concern about his actions… Maybe rightfully so…

"Nothing I can't control." He wasn't anymore convinced in his own words then she was.

"Squall this seems serious." Kadowaki started to scribble words faster then she could think crossing a few things out as she went. "My recommendation to Cid will be to pull you off Rinoa's contract."

That wasn't a surprise. He was already warned that that would be likely the case anyhow. Still the words were upsetting to the demon in him. So he remained silent, hoping he would be excused to go to work out the frustrations on the paper work in his office.

"Now here comes the part between you and me. How are _you_ handling this?"

He stopped and looked at her before turning his gaze to the floor. Was she really asking him this? Could he even put words to all of this when he wasn't even sure what the emotion plaguing him was?

"Is there such thing as patient confidentially with a sorceress knight?" He ran his hand through his hair wondering how much longer he would have to sit here before the doctor would give up.

"You are still my patient Squall, and I will be frank with you. I'll tell Cid the things I deem crucial to your health and personal goals of keeping everyone sage, but personal things that have no part of it, will stay between us."

He was trained not to put thought into his emotion and until now it had been working for him. He was trying to keep a clear focus on his task and do what would protect her.

"How did you feel seeing Rinoa? I'm sure your friends had quite a strong reaction to your coldness."

He focused on a small part of the wall letting his mind wonder of his friends and the day for the first time since coming back to Garden.

"I'm - disconnected." It was the only words he had, and wasn't surprised when it puzzled the doctor. He had a hard time understanding what it meant himself.

"You'll have to explain what disconnected means to you, Squall. It can mean a very different thing to me."

He took a painful breath in before adding more to appease the doctor that would get him off the table. "From my life... I'm not talking about the medications or the darkness-"

"From your friends?"

He looked at her and after a second he nodded. "I thought after Ultimecia I could finally start living my own life with out being part of some greater plot." He felt something bubble up at that moment that made him sick to his stomach. "I'm always a pawn. I'm …"

"Resentful? Resentful of being forced away from the path you would have picked?" Dr. Kadowaki offered her own words when he lacked his own. "Let me ask you something, before the incident in Esthar, did the two of you talk about your future together moving forward?"

Truthfully they hadn't done a whole lot of talking back at their hotel in Esthar. They had spent much of the time out of the public eye exploring each other and doing what others took for granted. They had worried more about learning each other and how not to get on each other's nerves and when that was unavoidable there was a lot of making up to do. That part he had found very rewarding.

"Ok well, what did _you_ want after your hiatus?"

"I don't know." He said that automatically while trying to figure out what he had expected. " Come back here, I guess. Do what I'm doing-"

"With her?" Dr. Kadowaki questioned.

Squall looked away giving time for Dr. Kadowaki to make her point.

"Listen, your grieving in your own way Squall."

"She's not dead-"

"No, of course she's not, but your ideal future is."

Great another romantic dream reference, because he wasn't sick of that by now.

"I chose this. I don't have the right-" Squall pointed.

"To morn what you had? To get closure. Even you need that Squall." Dr. Kadowaki paused before her hand sunk into the pockets of her long white coat trying to find something lost in the deep pockets. "I can only imagine what Rinoa must feel about this situation."

Squall looked down at the floor that was slowly coming back into focus. He heard something leaving her hands and instinctively he caught it before it had the chance to pelt him in the face. He looked down to see a set of keys dangling from a silver ring.

"Seems like you're vision has improved, Squall. My car is in the staff parking lot spot E3. Damage her, and I'll be throwing scalpels at you every chance I get."

"You're not serious?" Squall looked down at the keys.

"About the scalpels? Afraid so." She laughed, but when the Commander refused to move she let it drop into a noise to clear her throat. "I'm hardly sending you out alone. Quistis mentioned the whole group would be there, so make your peace Squall. For better, or for worse, you're stuck in this."

It only took him a minute to realize he had jumped off the table with his shirt in his hands, still clutching her keys, and another few minutes to realize he was indeed heading to the staff parking lot. What he was exactly planning to do? He wasn't sure. The need to drive, however, was overwhelming, and for once he was certain it had nothing to do with the dark knight in him.

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><p>Sorry, i feel super lazy about these chapters. I just want to get to something so badly, but the set up needs to be done first, right? Please R&amp;R. The next updates is going to set up for some DRAMA!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

I do not own these Characters. I just love them!

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><p>Chapter 11<p>

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><p>Rinoa had been self-medicating responsibly,<em> if there was such a thing<em>, since the SeeDs had left their house that morning. With the weekend finally allowing her a moment to breath from the troubling threats that seemed to be following her, and unending work schedule she had endured this month, she gave herself a pass to be anyone, but her responsible self for a night. The idea of a impromptu party from her clever associates was the perfect back drop to indulge in a little adolescent behavior, but by the time her guests had arrived she courted quite a few drinks and was pleasantly numb. It only made it that much easier on her when she realized that they were short one person.

Or at lest she was going to stick to that story, until it felt true.

"You're cheating!" Selphie pointed at her triad cards in horror at how her friend was behaving while impaired.

"I am not!" Rinoa acted insulted, but her smile was completely giving it away. She threw down her cards. "Ok, I might be taking some creative liberties-"

"That Rinny, that IS cheating!" Selphie fumed before Quistis interjected on the couch behind them in the formal living room, that had been rearranged with slightly less furniture incase if things should go wild.

"You've turned the card into a drinking game, the old rules hardly apply." Quistis shook her head.

"Always taking her side." Selphie pouted but her foot suddenly hooked on to her drink, flooding the old timber flooring that made the house she lived in a piece of art. Both girls dived in a desperate bid to save the precious cards from being ruined.

"You so did that so you wouldn't have to drink it!" Rinoa laughed as a slightly embarrassed Selphie gathered the cards.

"I got it!" Qustis jumped up being the only to abstain from the poor decision-making that was happening that night. She dived into the swinging doors that lead off to the kitchen, which made Selphie's attention beeline to Rinoa taking her guard off.

"Rinny," Selphie attempted to whisper discreetly, but she may as well as been talking at a normal volume, by the amount of whine put behind her name. She then mouthed a very clear and obvious 'are you ok?'

Rinoa's brows furrowed in confusion, looking sideways at her friend, before responding, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

But before she got her answer Quistis returned with a roll of paper towels sopping mess.

"So I've been keeping up on your blog, seems like Garden's social calendar gets fuller and fuller now a days with you running it-"

"Yeah Squall calls it wasteful spending, but I see it as preventive measure of getting another antisocial SeeD like him. Oh- did you read the gossip column last week?"

"Are they really forcing Squall to teach a class?" Rinoa laughed at the idea of Squall standing in front of a bunch of thirteen year olds lecturing on proper gunblade stances.

"Yup, Cid's making him teach a class Centra history." Selphie eyes widen at obvious poor choice in lectures. Put a boring subject with a terrified teacher. The thought and Rinoa laugh.

"Those poor kids will have to listen to him drone on in a flat monotone voice as he reads from a book." Rinoa tried to imagine it but it got to painful. "What was Cid thinking?"

"He's teaching him some humility on how to be a leader when NOT in battle." Quistis smirked throwing her self back on the couch.

"So speaking of him-" Selphie started but it was at the same time Rinoa had noticed the lack of testosterone from her party.

"Where are the boys?" Rinoa looked around seeing the sudden absence of more then half their party.

"Talking about guns!" Irvine walked back in to the old living room suddenly accompanied by Watts, Zone, and Zell, each brandishing a drink of their own. Rinoa had lost count, but by the assorted glass bottles on the table in the corner she knew they were well on their way to surpassing Rinoa's numbed mind.

"Why you bringing up that guy? He's not worthy of being mentioned if he can't excuse himself to make it the party!" Watts snorted before challenging Zell a drinking slamming contest.

The two sized each other up before suddenly launching into a race against time. Both lifted the bottle up to their lips and leaned their head back. Rinoa laughed shaking her head at the foolishness. Zell had no idea what he was up against, for Watts was well known in this area for his talent of making liquor disappear, and it's also well known fact SeeD's were not allowed to drink in Garden. Poor Zell would never stand a chance.

Selphie pouted only for a microsecond before giving up the topic of Squall, to Rinoa's relief, instead Selphie looked around the room until her eyes settled on something behind her.

"Hey, lets get some music going!" Selphie jumped up seeing Rinoa's entertainment unit, stealthily hidden in a corner as not to ruin the historic atmosphere of her home. Soon country music blasted through the boy's cheers as Watts threw down his empty bottle first. Rinoa couldn't help but turn towards Selphie making a disgusted face.

"Really?" Rinoa shouted displeased about Selphie's choice in music. Selphie grinned before suddenly being distracted by Irvine who abandoned the men in favor of the piette woman who clearly he was held captive by. It made her smile seeing the two of them interact with each other but also reminded her that the effects of the numbness were wearing off as a part of her heart began to ache. Suddenly the floor under Rinoa vibrated making her jump.

Confused. She looked under the couch finding a silver cellphone with a screen shot of Balamb as it's back ground and a number listed as 'Blocked' calling.

"Quistis!" Rinoa held up the phone waving it urgently.

Quistis did a double take seeing the active phone. Clearly it was an unexpected phone call, which made Rinoa interested in who it was.

"Who'd be calling at this hour?" She seemed genuinely annoyed looking over at Rinoa apologetically.

Rinoa gave her a sympathetic shrug, as a very tipsy Selphie suddenly placed herself within Irvine's arms, dancing hilariously to the country rock song that had taken over her home. Irvine quickly took of his hat and placed it on Selphie's head making her squeal in glee.

"Quistis.." Quistis looked confused with her phone to her ear trying to hear over the music. Her faced dropped. "Who is this?"

There was a pause of sudden recognition on her face but from what Rinoa could tell Quistis wanted her not to be following this conversation.

But why, she wondered trying to keep her powers out of her head.

"How did you get my number?" Quistis asked before there was a long pause as she listened to the phone intently over the music. Rinoa leaned over looking at her checking into seeing if everything was ok.

Quistis looked startled at Rinoa's sudden movement that garnished her a second eyebrow raise from her friend.

"Just a second-" Quistis covered the phone. "He Rinoa is there a room up stairs where I can take this phone call?"

"Yeah, sure." She pointed with her drink still in hand "Upstairs third door to the right is my room."

Quistis sat up from the floor nodding her head in thanks before rushing up stairs.

Rinoa raised her drink to her lips watching her friends around her enjoying themselves. It had been such a long time since she had been able to be carefree like this. She seemed to be swept up in a whirlwind of chaos lately, which kept her busy with things she wasn't passionate about- Not that she didn't love timber, She did, but these goals were never hers.

She looked over at Zone and Watts who were mimicking Zell's martial art moves in what could only be a sad pathetic attempt to learn how to throw a proper punch. These two were the heads of timber in reality and looking at them right now boxing the air, well it was sad for timber.

Suddenly she heard the house phone rang from the other side of the room.

That was odd.

She jumped up before Zone or watts even registered the noise.

"I got it!" She was reduced to a ten year old when she drank which was why she rarely ever did. She lifted the receiver to the old home and placed it to her ear. "Mayor Hill, Rinoa Heartilly speaking."

"Evening Mayor Heartilly, this is security down at the front gate. We have a visitor who doesn't have any identification on him. Were you expecting another party to be joining you?" She could hear some argument erupt in the background.

"No…" Rinoa said concerned as the shuffle seemed to get louder till the receiver seemed to trade hands and a low voice washed over it.

"It's me." Her mind froze at hearing his voice so unexpectedly. "Let me up?"

He seemed slightly out of breath from what she could hear and she could stay on the phone with him all day just listening to him breath. She really had been reduced to a ten-year-old girl, but she couldn't find the strength to say anything that would end the conversation.

"Rinoa?" Squall questioned wondering if he had been disconnected.

"Who is this?" She Shut her eyes painfully annoyed by her own attempt to drag it out further.

The breathing suddenly stopped.

"Rinoa, don't play games."

"Jeeze, calm down Squall." She had irritated him. That was just great.

"This was a bad idea. I'm going to go…"

"Hyne Squall, " Rinoa let out a frustrated laugh, rubbing her forehead before finding her voice once again.. "I'm just having a little fun, at your expense. Learn to take a joke! Your always welcome here. Mind handing over the phone back to my security team- oh and don't hurt them! I'm kind of in need of protection lately, you know?"

Rinoa looked at her friends that seemed completely aware of Rinoa's predicament.

"Mayor Heartilly?" Asked the guard again, seemingly impatient with their sudden guest's lack of professionalism.

That made her laugh, usually that's all Squall was ever about.

"Yes, send him up." She said before slamming the receiver down trying to block the panic attack that seemed to have gotten everyone attention.


	12. Chapter 12

I do not own these characters. I just love them!

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><p>Chapter 12<p>

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><p>Quistis couldn't believe that her work phone started to go off at such a late hour as Rinoa's hand shot the phone up into the air wildly. She couldn't name one contact that would need her at this hour, unless it was an emergency.<p>

_Had something happen?_ Her mind went instantly to the worst-case scenario about the ten contracts being full filled at this very moment. Most were with new SeeDs fresh from taking their test last month. She quickly raised the accosting device to her ear.

"Quistis.." The music made the voice on the other end almost sound like a whisper, but it seemed errily familiar though she couldn't place it right away.

"Sounds like a real party."

"Who is this?" Quistis asked but it was the laugh that came next that sent chills through her. She thought she would know his voice from anywhere, but it was clear that the time apart had affected her too. That same laugh gave her quite a lot of anguish in the classroom, and fear on the battlefield when it had turned against them.

"Who do you want me to be, Quistis? Nida? Your golden boy? Anyone but me, right?"

Quitis couldn't tell if Seifer's voice was saying it in amusement or if in complete serious. When it came to Almsay, she never could get a good feel for when he was upset and that in it's self made her nervous. If he was angry that cocky smile would still be plastered right on his face, keeping her guessing to the true emotion behind it.

"How did you get my number?" Quistis she demanded, knowing that simply hanging up would create more attention from the sorceress sitting in front of her.

"I borrowed Rinoa's phone earlier. Though… I wouldn't tell her that." A sharp laugh broke out as he took in a long breath. "She might not like the idea of me going through her contacts. As you can tell she already hates that I'm here watching her. The last thing I need is to be higher up on her shit list. She's difficult, you know? Kind of like you…"

There was a long pause between the two of them and Quistis was certainly not going to be the first one to break it.

"Look like you're on an important phone call, and ask Rinoa for a private place for you to take it." He ordered hastily.

Quistis hesitated for a second, which he seemed to pick up on.

"Why Quistis, I'm hurt." But his voice sounded otherwise. "Of all people, I thought you wouldn't stone wall me after finding out the truth… Or do you still have doubts about that too?"

That made her look over to Rinoa who seemed to be studying her, now. Either way this conversation needed to move out of possible hearing distance or she needed to end the call. Since her fingers were seized on the phone and seemed not to respond to her commands to disconnect, it had to be option A.

"Just a second-" She covered the phone looking over to Rinoa who's face started to grow in concern. "Hey Rinoa, is there a room up stairs where I can take this call?"

She made sure there was no tension in her voice, but she was afraid her friend could somehow see through the charade. She wasn't sure how in tune Rinoa's powers were as some have said Sorceresses could read minds. Regretfully, that made Quistis uneasy around Rinoa. The last thing she wanted was someone she respected as much as her to discover all the secrets floating around in her head. Squall had insisted that she her powers were nowhere as invasive as people made it seem.

She felt instant relief, as Rinoa surrendered to the impression that Qusits purposely gave that it was a simple business phone call and lifted her drink towards a dark staircase that ascended in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, sure. Upstairs, third to the right is my room."

Quistis jumped up at the permission and quickly put the phone back up to her ear once more; the voice talked once more.

"Pass her room and go two more doors down. You'll find me." The connection suddenly died the moment her foot hit the first stair. She hesitated on the landing for a moment, was she really taking orders from him?

_No, of course not_, She muttered to herself.

But the sudden outreach was surprising since she felt that she was the last person he wanted to reconnect with from the icy reception this morning. She had no idea what to do in this situation, because truthfully she was so angry with him that even seeing him earlier took everything in her not to charge up to him and take him down a notch. She had to keep reminding herself that she had to be the strong leader for everyone else; for group and for Squall. Her personal emotions couldn't come into it, just like it couldn't come into it when she saw him as the Sorceress's knight. She had to hide her true emotion at seeing him next to the Sorceress and threatening everyone she loved.

Her feet marched up the stairway until she was no longer insight and closed the phone wondering how she could go through with seeing him now. She didn't need to confront him, but she still stood there unmoving. She had faced many trails in her life that were far more frightening then this so why the moment of weakness?

She forced her self a few steps forward and then it seemed her body was no longer in control of her self. She counted the doors, passing Rinoa's rather quickly from there out, her pace seemed to Falter still she was standing in front of his door.

She looked down the hallway where the music still flowed and voices were over heard chattering in excitement. She missed the days she felt like she could relate to those people down there, but it had been a long time since she felt whole, but maybe this would finally give her the reason to move on.

Quistis opened the door seeing the very traditional wallpapering of white and green pin strips that went from the baseboard to the rich mahogany crown molding that encircled them. It took her a moment for her eyes to focus on the figure on the four-post bed that was covered in a white comforter that seemed to contrast him in this light. She looked around for a moment out of habit looking for any possible danger but besides the antique writing desk in one corner and over stuffed forrest green chair that had his white trench coat neatly folded over it.

Only then did he managed to look up from where he sat, his blonde short hair was a mess as if he had been running his hand threw it before she walked in. He raised his square chin letting the light from the hallway highlight the edges of his well structured face and then, as if on que, he let his crooked smirk grow wide making it seemingly accented his high cheek bones that lead her up to those eyes. She once them held in battle questioning the sanity behind them, and eventually, it ended in condemning them.

Now, everything was different. She could see the student that held so much promise, and couldn't see any traces of the monster that wanted to drag them down. It was like seeing someone come back from the dead and no matter how many times she would see him that feeling would come back.

"Instructor Quistis." The smile dropped allowing the words to form on his lips as he remained on the bed.

"Administrator." She snapped back which brought back the smile that she wanted to cruse out.

"I know. I what can I say? I have a thing for teachers." This time he stood up, but it was with caution as he saw her return an icy glare. Caution was something he rarely exuded, but around her, once in awhile, it would appear. "Truthfully, I was wondering if you'd even come here."

"Here I am." She said feeling the tension build in her and as he with each slow step he took closer to her she could feel it wind up in her up.

"Stop she warned." But of course his eyes remained fixated with curiosity, as if he wanted to push her to her limit, just to see what she would do.

He found out when her fist slammed into his chest, knock him back a half a step. But it did nothing to deter him from repeating his action again, stepping closer still, which met with another violent action of her own. Seifer quickly secured her hands that slammed up against his chest, but this time; pulling her hands away from assaulting him.

She did even realize she was nearly yelling at him or the tears that edge to the corner of her eyes. The cracks she had hidden so well until now were exposing themselves and Seifer would not let her weakness go unanswered.

"The hell are you beating up on me for?" He asked with annoyance, but that seemed intrigued by the idea of the physical contact. "I should be the one that's pissed."

She pulled her hands back taking a step back into the door behind her. She tried to compose herself before she lost every ounce of restrain.

"Don't start with me!" Quistis warned, the amount of anger coming from her even surprised herself. She didn't know how she would respond in finally seeing him again, one on one, but wouldn't have thought it would be this.

"What's got you so riled up now? That I called?" He asked her his smile taking some pride in her agitation.

Quistis leaned her head back in disbelief and let out a laugh looking to the ceiling wondering on how she could ever explain this emotion to him when she didn't even know herself. It was a mixture of wanting to beat the life out of him, and pull him in closer to get a better look at him. Her snarky mask though was winning out.

"Tell me something Seifer, in the six months since the war, why are you only now reaching out to me?"

His smirked faded slightly. "Nobody wanted to hear from Ultimecia's lapdog. I'm surprised you even walked up those stairs, honestly. Being under the sorceress's darkness or not, I still make you uneasy, don't I?"

Her silence was his affirmative answer.

"Seeing you betray us… " She finally started. "I told myself one lie after another, because I didn't wanted to believe that you were capable of that."

"Seems like you believed it easy enough to me."

"That's what you think. I spent the entire time praying to something I don't even believe in that there was something we couldn't see. I wanted there to be a reason that would explain how you could do that to us. Honestly, we all wanted to think that Seifer, but slowly… it just became easier to think the worst. It was just easier to grieve, then to hold out hope while watching someone destroy their life…"

She could see his jaw tightening hearing that. She looked off to the side trying to remember back then and the raw emotion she had felt seeing him fall to pieces, wondering if they would have to take his life, and now seeing him here… alive….

"It kills me that we didn't see it." She whispered. "I'm guilty of giving up on you."

"Hyne, you're not the only one who abandoned me, Quistis… Seifer shifted seeming uncomfortable.

"Yeah, but of all people I should've been the one to see through it, right? I should've seen the slip in sanity and not walk away so blindly."

"I didn't bring you up here for an apology." Seifer wanted her to stop, but she couldn't. Too many of these thoughts and secrets that were hidden were finding their way to her lips. She couldn't contain the pain anymore.

"I've failed Seifer. I failed you in so many ways… it hurts. I wasn't a good enough instructor to control your impulses and because of that, you failed to become a SeeD. I failed to recognize when you were in peril, I-"

"-I couldn't give a shit about any of that." His voice cut her down; making her look into to those deep green eyes that could swallow her whole.

"You don't?" She pierced him into submission of the truth. "Then why is this the first time you are reaching out to any of us? You obviously didn't trust me enough to come to me-"

"Would you have believed me?" He stared down at her his eyes held on to the passion that was teetering almost to rage. "When I told people about what happen, the turned me away. You think you would've done something different? I would've thought with our history, you'd get why I didn't come to you. I can take rejection from anyone, _but_ you."

"Seifer, don't bring that up. That was a long time ago."

Bring their little known history would bring back all the feelings she had been able to deny existed. What good would it do for both of them to go back to that?

"It's not that long ago, Quistis." He purposely was egging her on now. "And I'm not ashamed of it, so why not bring it up?"

"Well I am!" She gawked at him. "I was your instructor! I've violated that line that should've never been crossed- with a student!"

"What are you talking about?" He blasted back at her. "You always say that, but it's not like you were with some kid! We were the same age!"

"How many times do I have to explain this to you! It doesn't matter what our ages were! There are some Ethics of SeeD you do _not_ cross and I _did_!"

He broke out to laugh shaking his head, suddenly reaching up taking a fist full of his own hair in frustration.

"See! I never had a chance in joining SeeD. There ideology bullshit drags good people down, when they don't agree with their pretentious standards."

For a moment neither one said anything. She just watched the ex-knight night's chest rise and fall clad only in a white sleeveless tank that left his muscular arms bare. His dog tags caught the light that pulled in to the room from the far window, and as his fist relented and fall to his side Quistis new she needed to put their history where it belonged. Once and for all before she couldn't find the strength to do it at all.

"It's what I had signed up for Seifer. I'm glad they fired me after you failed the SeeD program. It was not nearly justice, but it was something for failing you." Quistis straighten herself up readying to leave. "You might find my ideals bullshit, but SeeD was the only thing that has kept me going after what I thought happened to you. I wish you could respect that and leave the past where it should be."

He seemed to be frustrated by those last few words.

"You know, when I saw your golden boy in Esthar, he asked me why didn't I let him crash and burn for abandoning me. I told him it was cause I wanted him to live with the fact that had I saved him."

"You're going to tell me that's NOT the reason?" She rolled her eyes wanting to leave now, but he quickly called out to keep her attention.

"No it certainly helped, but it wasn't the only reason."

"I know you started to see Rinoa after our…" Now she was the one bring it up. "…Moment of indiscretion to get back at me, but it's obvious you still care for her." She looked down.

"Quistis stop thinking about other people for once!" He growled infuriated. "Damn it, of course I don't want to see Rinoa get pulled under anymore then the rest of you, but I did it for you!"

Quistis looked at him for a moment before looking down not knowing how to process that kind of information. A part of her suspected it, but she was hoping that he would make it easier on her and had gone with her explanation.

"Maybe it's always been one sided after that night, but I haven't stop giving a shit about you. I hate what being under Ultimecia's control has done to my life. How it's affected you… Maybe your so called friends can't see it, but I do. Your walking around with a good guard on, but I don't pretend not to know why it's there. I put it there when I betrayed you and I'll have to live knowing I can't change it."

"Seifer…" She said wanting those words to stop.

"I'm not stupid enough to thinking that I can fix the direction my life has gone, because lets face it, no SeeD staff should be anywhere near the traitorous ex-knight. I'm a fucking public relations nightmare, and I know garden is only protecting me out of guilt of abandoning me in the first place and out of gratitude that I saved their wonder boy!"

That was true and thankfully he wasn't looking at her to deny it.

"So if it meant I have to protect… him…. From suffering my fate, to keep you pieced together. It's what I owe you. I'll do my damnedest to prevent it. I'm going to protect those ideals you want so badly…" His voice suddenly trailed off closing in on her pinning her against the door. He touched her cheekbone with the tip of his fingers before hesitated and pulled them away.

" Even if it was the ideals that took you away from me in the first place." His voice was so low and so deep it reverberated in his chest that leaned against hers.

He now looking at her, looking for some sort of emotion or some sort of reaction, but all of those feelings had dried up at the sound of his confession. She knew he had harbored those feelings still. A part of her blamed herself for him turning to Ultimecia, wondering if her rejection and the lost of SeeD had driven him over the edge and into the hands of a sorceress. There was some relief to knowing she hadn't forced him down that path, but it was short live knowing there was no way to change what was between them.

"Thank you." The words were so quiet but from the look in his eyes he still heard them. "And for what it's worth, I believe you. I know it's late, but I do."

That seemed to make the face on the ex-knight drop. "That's the only thing that mattered to me…" He said under his breath not moving.

Everyone had lost a piece of something in the battle of Ultimecia. Rinoa has unknowingly given up her love, and most loyal knight, who would do anything to save her. Her gaining the powers had broken apart the family entire group had come to rely on.

No one knew of her loss, and as wrong as it had been that she fell for the disruptive member of her classroom, it was the same boy who had shown her the way to the secret place in the training center, and who listened to her troubles when no one else would. When she had lost that, she felt like she lost everything. No one could have replaced that for Quistis.

But now, he was no longer her student and no longer the enemy, yet still there was the unbearable pressure of being forced away.

This was the kind of pain, Squall was trying to avoid for Rinoa. Quistis in away wish she had never known the truth about Seifer. It would be easier to stay away then.

Could she ever walk away, now?

He didn't move even though sensing her inclosing presences, she hovered close to him hoping the right answer would come to her before it was to late, but when he finally looked up he was actually bewildered by her lips on his.

He hardly moved. Very unlike Seifer, that she almost pulled back, questioning if her advances were even wanted.

"You'll only hate your self later." He said against her lips unwilling to participate.

"That's probably true." She said against his lips feeling his heavy breaths against her. "Soon, I'll have to go back to Garden and forget about…"

She stopped. What was the word that should have filled the silence? Us? Him? Maybe the whole conversation and most certainly about what she was about to do?

One thing was for sure, she failed at many things in her life, and this decision not to walk away, would be another failure to add to the list of the many things she had done wrong. At lest, maybe this time, the failure will lead her to the peace she had searched for in other people.

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><p>Just building up the moment for everyone. Rinoa is finally going to be face to face with her Knight, but what will Squall say? And Seifer and Quistis? Seems like there is quite a bit of history behind them as well. Maybe we will find out… that includes me… cause truthfully I'm writing it as it all comes to me. Please feel free to point out anything… like where the story is lacking or if there's something you want to see. It's trail and error right now. So please R&amp;R.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

I do not own these Characters... Just love them!

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><p>Chapter 13<p>

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><p>His fist landed on the door and instantly the heaviness of the bond blanketed over him all at once, shocking his mind by the wavering tension that flowed between them. Her mind being so close was like an instant drug that mellowed him and in the same time could incite riots with in him and this feeling was only intensified by the fact that the person on the other side of the bond had been drinking and quite heavily from the feel of it. The door swung quickly open as country western music filled the silence of timber's night and assaulted his ears on it's way out.<p>

Rinoa's eyes rested on him, as she clung on to the door for security. He wasn't sure if it security from him or from the evident effects her drinking binge had left her in but it took her a moment to say anything to him which gave him the first time to really look at her with a clear mind.

Rinoa swiped a piece of her hair behind her ears that from the looks of it might have been neatly curled once but long has since fallen in to a heavy messy waves that were entangled with each other. The over sized red sweater fell from her shoulder, giving hints to the black bra she was wearing underneath that sent his pulse soaring despite trying to keep a level head around the darkness trying to pull him under. She looked smaller and more fragile then he remembered from this morning but perhaps it was the bond that was affecting him. The fragile part might be the emotional state.

"Surprised you came." A weak smile was offered politely but the rest of her spoke of the insecurity she was feeling.

This wasn't what he was hoping for and it made him nervous which must have been apparent by how quickly Rinoa opened her door in order to persuade him from following a swift retreat.

"Welcome. Come on in." She offered looking him over once before falling a step back.

"This doesn't seem like the right time-" He started to back up, but a high shrill of a voice suddenly halted the music.

"NO WAY! It's Squall!" The music cut dead and Selphie bursted into the entryway before stumbling at the sight of him. "Jeeze Squall, couldn't you manage to out of your uniform before coming. It's kind of a buzz kill."

He felt like he was standing in a firing squad suddenly and every scenario he had played through in his head on the drive over hadn't anticipated everyone inebriated like this. This was falling out of his control and wasn't sure how to get out of this.

Rinoa's hand reached out grabbing his arm sending a even more powerful shock down him that she seemed not to notice.

"Don't scare him off." She chastised as he stepped into to tiled entryway being steered by Rinoa, before being able to follow his gut instincts to walk away. The moment he was steered into living room Irvine was there to greet him extending a beer out to him with one hand while about to take a sip another.

"Hey, welcome man I've been saving this for you!"

"I'm working tomorrow and so are you." Squall angrily took both drinks from him prompting Irvine to gawk at his Commander

"Hey man it's a party!" Irvine held his hands out in surprise.

"Not with him around. Might as well kiss this party goodbye." It was Zone from the corner of the living room sitting at a high-top covered in empty bottle's who brought the party to an uncomfortable silence.

"Hey!" Rinoa looked at Zone pleading with him to have some sympathy. "Come on now, he came all this way let just have a good time like we used to."

Squall felt bad for Rinoa who was waisting her breath. Maybe it was because he was about the only person in this house that was sober, but he could see the icy reception from both Zone and Watts gave him from the moment he walked in; his presence was only welcomed when it included aid by SeeD, apparently.

"Can I take your coat at lest?" Rinoa asked clearly uncomfortable by the formal get up herself. He didn't want relinquish his coat knowing it would prevent him from being able to make a quick escape if things became unbearable, but he had hardly had the time to refuse before Irvine practically ripped it off of him.

"Where's Quistis?" Squall asked feeling panicked triggering Rinoa to flinch.

"She had to take a business call. She's in my room." Rinoa recovered quickly. "She went up there maybe five minutes ago?"

"She's nearly as bad at this party thing as you." Irvine smiled taking a seat in one of the oversized blue chairs before Zell suddenly jumped in the conversation

"Well you're just in time for the big surprise anyways." Zell said hunched over in front of a large screen t.v. that had cords dangling in chaos from someone's inept ability to orderly make all the connections.

Squall's eyes fell instinctively to Rinoa, who moved with curiosity to the couch in front. "What are you doing, Zell?"

Selphie beamed with excitement, before taking a seat on the armrest of Irvine's chair. Quickly secured him his arm around her she bounced slightly as she gave a mischievous smile that only could mean something terrible awkward for Squall. "It's a special video made by yours truly of the garden festivities. Of our lives almost six months ago!"

Squall's faced dropped realizing what that meant.

"You're not talking about-" Rinoa's voice was in shock but it was unclear if she was happy or upset by the turn of events as he was.

"The Garden Celebration party!" Zell jumped up as the Tv came to life.

"I thought I destroyed the original…. and all the copies." Squall said in horror from behind the couch.

"You missed one in my porn stash." Zell smirked while hitting play on the remote before taking a seat on the floor.

"Squall come sit." Selphie pointed next to Rinoa who looked up at him awkwardly from behind.

"I think I better see what Quis-"

"Squall-" Irvine interjected, his voice falling to a new low of seriousness. "I think you should just take a night off. We're friends remember?"

"No, we're family. That's more important." Zell said from the floor.

Cornered by several sets of eyes, Squall looked for his jacket finding it purposely placed next to Watts and Zone who huddled together in the corner of the room conspiring against him. At this point he could afford a new jacket, but the keys to Dr. Kadowaki's car was something he couldn't leave without. Refusing to budge Squall leaned against the back of the couch unsure of how to persuade the group from going through with this. A part of him was cursing Quistis for being so absent in all of this and leaving him here at the mercy of the others…. But the other part of him cursed himself from enjoying the comfort of being so close to her.

The screen jolted to life focusing on awkwardly Selphie's eyes nearly tipped side ways as she tried to determine if the damn thing was on.

"Hey, there's me! Don't I look so young?" Selphie pointed in delight.

"It was only six months ago." Squall mumbled, getting glares from everyone, but Rinoa who remained focused on the images flashing across the screen.

"I still think I look older." Selphie said enthralled in the memories.

"Hotter too." Irvine commented, garnering affection from Selphie and sounds of disgust from Zell.

The camera jolted, as it's amateur videographer attempted to turn it around on the party at full swing. From the background, an orchestra was in the middle of a triumph waltz, as a the camera panned through a few students ill ultimately ending up on it's intended targets, Quistis and Irvine, the later doing some mortifying dance moves. Most of the group busted out into laughter, including Irvine, which Squall couldn't understand because watching it just made him painfully comfortable.

"At lest your moves improved!" Selphie offered though Irvine seemed not to hear it.

"How is no one noticing Quistis drinking?" Irvine pointed to the screen.

"That's because she's not. Look she set it down without taking a sip." Zell looked over to him frowning.

Irvine frowned. "Ahh… Nothing changes."

While both men sat there criticizing the mysteriously absent Quistis, all Squall could only think about how he was going to be spending the next forty eight hours with these two on the Islands closest to heaven. He may need a refill on those pills from Dr. Kadowaski if he was going to make it through it with any sanity left.

"Look at Quistis wave! She looks so cute!" Selphie said as Irvine suddenly snuck into the frame from below pulling her tight into him, much to her dismay. After Quistis finally pushing him off the camera panned over to her having a conversation with Cid who seemed had a few too many by Squall's standards.

"Look matron!" Zell pointed now. "She hasn't visited Garden since the party. I wonder how she's doing."

Matron hadn't visited since find out about Squall violent slip out of reality in Esthar. She, ever the mother, had become so guilt ridden over passing on her own power that ended up destroying one of her "children" happiness that she hardly face Squall. He had tried everything to convince her that she had no control over who she had passed her powers on to, let alone control over Rinoa receiving two sorceress powers invoking the knight's curse. Still it weighed heavily on her.

"She's been doing a lot of pro-sorceress work since then. She spoke on my behalf during my campaign."

_It's was the lest she felt she owed you after destroying your life_, Squall thought.

"What?" Rinoa suddenly turned to him confused.

He stopped breathing and made the thoughts disappear from his head instantly. He looked to the others who hadn't turned around confirming thought hadn't been out loud.

"I didn't say anything." He said blandly very careful to avoid making a scene.

"Yes, you did." She looked at him already questioning herself in the process.

Was there anyways she was listening? He felt the bond pulling on him, but other then that there was no other presence in his mind that would signify she was listening in. Normally, he could always feel her trying to gain entry… so what was that?

"Whatever." He said looking to the t.v. making sure to keep any further thoughts out of his head.

Irvine suddenly jumped in.

"Matron had no idea that I was little Kinneas. Look at her face! She couldn't believe how tall I became!" He smiled at the memory.

The camera suddenly shifted operators to show Selphie and Quistis.

"Oh look! I loved that cowboy hat! I still have it in a box somewhere!" Selphie looked to Irvine.

"Thief." Irvine smirked with happiness.

The clumsy operator slowly panned the camera to a bevy of beautiful girls, all gawking at the celebrated hero, which made Irvine's smile weaken knowing the issues that would arise.

"Right, Irvine the player. Almost forgot." Selphie rolled her eyes.

"Hey! It wasn't like that…" He started, making Squall quickly tune them out, picking to watch as the camera went to Zell stuffing his face with hot dogs next to a brunette.

"Oh man." Zell suddenly slumped forward unable to watch the humiliation coming to life on the television.

"Hey wasn't that the pretty brunette you were obsessed with that worked in the Library?" Rinoa spoke up finally.

"The very one." Selphie snickered.

"What happened to her? I thought you two were hitting it off?" Rinoa looked at Zell, who refused to answer her, though the rest of them knew the story.

"He stood her up." Irvine smiled as Zell exploded.

"I did not stand her up! I was just… in line! It was hotdog Tuesday and the lines were insanely long! Then the cashier registers locked up- I was planning on meeting her I just-" He grew increasingly more…. Zell…. The longer he was allowed to ramble on.

"-Stood her up for up for a hotdog. Oh, zell…" Rinoa shook her head in shame.

Zell settled down knowing that partial it was true. "Someday I'll find someone who'll accept me and the hotdogs…. Keep the gay jokes to yourself Kinneas"

Irvine's mouth was already opened so he had to close it quickly, which was just as well from Selphie's standpoint.

"Oh here here…." Selphie signal the people to calm down.

There was no way Squall could not look at the screen wondering what stolen moments might've been caught, and by now, forever stored somewhere. Squall watched as Angelo walked across the ballroom, and dizzy Selphie looking towards the dogs intended direction. Excitedly, she turned towards the camera beckoning it to follow, making Squalls stomach drop. Rinoa suddenly leaned over herself, placing her elbows on her knees. She was anxiously biting on her nails watching the screen as Selphie on the other side of the room was getting as worked up as herself on the T.v.

"Wait for it… wait for it…." She smiled in eager anticipation.

Sure enough the camera panned over to see a blurry Rinoa talking out in the balcony in the distance. The camera fixed it's focus before zooming in on her just as the dead battery symbol started to flash over the captured images.

"It's fine." Selphie said to herself despite the great concern growing on her face. "I'm sure I got it before-"

The footage showed Rinoa turning slightly for a better angle to see her smile grow wide as she pointed up. Then the screen cut to black.

"What?" Selphie exploded and dove to the t.v in horror. "No I was sure it was there!"

Sheepishly, Zell followed behind her grabbing her by the shoulders. As the two of them started to whisper back and forth furiously Irvine lowered his head taking a deep breath in.

"Well," Irvine said slightly depressed. "This is a call for me to drink."

He pulled himself up and out of the overstuffed chair, presumably started to walk to Watts and Zone behind Squall, only leaving Rinoa and his self left to stare at the black screen.

The tape ending was something both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the fact that something so private and personal to him would stay theirs forever, but it seemed like a curse foreshadowing what the future held for them. He leaned down low, so only Rinoa could hear him.

"I need a glass of water." He painfully said as Rinoa jumped up in alarm; clearly she had been in deep thought over the video.

She looked up at him understanding what he meant instantly and raised to her feet. He followed her through an old swinging door into a very outdated but large kitchen and was quickly met with a large bark.

Squall jumped from Angelo's friendly call and the move didn't go unnoticed by Rinoa. She looked back at him slightly odd before grabbing Angelo's collar. " Sorry, we keep her locked back here when there are guests in the house. She probably needs to go out, don't you girl?"

Leaving him alone only for a brief moment in the kitchen to mull over what he could say to her after all of that. Kadowaki said Rinoa would need closure to move on but the darkness cause by the lengthy delay was moving in closer messing with his mind. His racing pulse was proof of the internal fight he was having. He would need to make this quick as possible or risk falling into the darkness.

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><p><strong><em><span>Sorry, my 10 month old and myself have been sick. ugh! I wanted to get these chapters up all together since they are really happening at the same time, but it's been taking me too long to write them with the lack of sleep I'm under. So sorry if my writing is lacking. I'll probably have to go back and fix stuff but bear with me. Oh and just FYI the next chapter is... um... M!<span>_**


	14. Chapter 14

I do not own FF8. Just having fun with the story. Warning: this part is M. I would say skip this part if your a sensative reader but lets not kid ourselves... we are reading M stories for the good parts!

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><p>Chapter 14<p>

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><p>Quistis pulled on the edges of his shirt, trying to free him before inhibitions would prevent her from acting on the tension that was lying between them. Finally Seifer broke away from the abnormal hesitation that made him hold back at first. He had no idea what the hell she was thinking, but in very Trepe fashion, what she said to him and how she felt about him never seemed to match up. Hell, he wasn't her savior who would protect her from himself. If she wanted to burn and crash in his arms he would have no problem letting her.<p>

He pulled her into him, holding on to her lips as tightly as he could knowing that at any moment she could have a moment of clarity and they would be separated again. It was the thing he hated about her and at the same time reveled about her; her predictability was often lost when it came to him.

His hands released her quickly to aide his shirt over his head leaving his dog tags to fall against his chest, but they didn't lay there long, as her right hand grasp them. Pulling them out of the way, she tightened chain against his neck causing a kind of discomfort he enjoyed. He grew worried that it was going to be short lived when she pulled back suddenly in what Seifer feared was a moment of clarity on her part. Instead her hands went to her glasses taking them off and carelessly threw them to the green chair in the corner of the room, and released her golden blonde hair from their confines, allowing them to drape over the shoulders of her SeeD jacket.

No doubt Quistis had a fan club for a reason. Despite all the good effort she had put into her professional attire, her desperate attempt to play down her blonde bombshell looks for a nerdy book worm was completely in vain. The lips he couldn't help but pursue were full and the thick beautiful lashes did not hide well behind those glasses she kept on hand. She was coming into her own curves as a woman, and as Seifer's hands sunk down running over the smoothness of her hips underneath her skirt, he knew exactly what he had…. And that was every male student at all three garden's wet dream- his included.

When he had been with her before, she had just been his teacher, but now the stakes were much higher and he was getting a sick thrill from it as this was a whole new fantasy he hadn't even come up with yet. A fucking Admin of SeeD…. It was going straight to the top of his lists of favorites.

It was clear that Quistis had only one thing on her mind, and that was to be quick as possible. Not exactly how Seifer wanted things… Had it been up to him he would want to take his time, taking both mental and digital reminders of what she looked like in that jacket... and nothing else. Or if that had been meet with resistance, which knowing Quistis it would've, he would want to slowly take off her clothes, layer by layer, till familiar territory would incite his senses into a frenzy. All of that wasn't going to happen, though. He couldn't afford to get too greedy, because the fact that this was happening at all surprised the hell out of him and he wouldn't take any chances that would possible end this.

Quistis kept her eyes down, undoing her SeeD jacket and let it fall to the ground revealing the white silk blouse underneath. Her fingers rashly went to her shirt next, having a tough time undoing the small buttons in the darkness of the room. He fought then urge to rush her by snapping them all at once, but soon the urgency left him seeing the trail of exposed skin descending down her front. He began to ache in a way no man should have to endure.

She pulled her self from the silk shirt, and quickly undid the skirt's zipper letting that come to rest on the ground along side the rest of her clothes. Only then, as she stood there striped to the nude color underwear, did her eyes seem to remember his presence.

"Are we doing this Alsmay?" She questioned his lack of progress.

His hands awakened and went to the belt of the grey cargo pants to manipulate. He watched her fingers grip the edges of her underwear forcing them over hips and quickly kicked them to the side. Seifer let his eyes wonder over her, before letting himself smile in amusement. There was very little mystery behind Quistis. She kept everything neat and orderly and that wasn't just limited to paperwork. She hoisted the bra over herself, not even bothering with the clasp, freeing her ample womanly curves making him stop completely in his tracks. They were fucking perfect in every way and all he wanted to do was touch them at that moment and get lost in her scent.

Her eyes flickered with impatience at his insistence of slowing things down. She took to his belt sliding it from the loopholes of his pants, and began to undo the buttons, as she forced him to back his way through the room till he felt the bed behind him. His pants dropped to the floor and she pushed him backwards till he was sitting on the edge of the bed, allowing his rising self to be direct with her which only stiffened more when he felt their bodies collided.

She straddled him, her hand reach down gripping him tightly making him want to lean back and watch her take charge, but she had other ideas gripping his dog tags and forced him to hold his position. As her lips took charge of his, she began to stroke him with every deep kiss. He moaned feeling the pulling on his most sensitive member making him want to go far further then just her hand. He slipped his hands in between her legs feeling her wetness grow from every pass he made, till testing his limits, he pushed into her making her falter slightly in her own movements.

Now he was the one who couldn't take the waiting much longer.

He let his right hand go in between them and let himself be in awe at how her breast perfectly molded in his hands. He had countless other woman, just like he was sure from Quistis had been with others herself. She never pretended to act like the blushing virgin many of the Trepe fans had idolized her to be around him. And thank Hyne for that, because it would take a real woman- a woman who knew what she wanted, to hold Seifer's attention in bed.

He pulled away from her lips to take in her salty flesh at her protruding collar bone. Her lead leaned back slightly, as He felt her push herself onto him, plunging him deep within her, and in turn made every part of him melt.

He looked up into the eyes that starred down at him that clearly held conflicting emotions behind them. Hell, he never concerned himself with what the other women he was with were thinking during sex, but she intrigued him. Often she would say how she wanted to feel- possibly wanted to think, but her actions would follow through differently.

Was that always how she operated or was it just around him? Nobody seemed close enough to her to know for sure. One thing was for damn sure, she was in dire need of control, riding on top of him- pinning him to the spot that she wanted. She was afraid of losing the last bit of control she had.

Well, that was just too fucking bad for her. She should've known what she was getting herself into.

He finally fought back, cupping his hands under her thighs lifting her and himself off the bed. The sudden movement, along with her resistance, nearly topple them both over, but he hoisted her up forcing her to reclaim her balance by wrapping her legs around his waist. Still buried in her, he clumsily moved to the wall pushing her against it gaining a gasp from her.

"Stop!" She ordered in a hushed tone that lost its intensity from the first thrust he delivered into her; forcing her up the wall she was against.

"Say, it a little louder next time Quistis. Then maybe I'll believe you." He smirked at what the lost of control had done to her. He pinned her against the wall, each thrust grew in intensity and went deeper then the one before it. She made a small effort to push him off her, but it went against what her lips wanted and slowly his tongue had penetration of it's own.

Her nails dug into his back gathering his skin painfully, as he rebalanced her to free one hand in order to cup her breast. He squeezed it hard, paying special attention to it's firming center, making a rather loud moan escape Quistis's lips. He picked up the pace as he could feel her entire body tightening against him. His lips attacked her neck, careful not to leave evidence of their union behind.

It was lustful and it was dangerous. The very thing that sent her over the edge.

Her face buried it's self into his shoulder, muffling any sound she might have made from being heard. He slow down just enough to feel the constricting muscles spasm around him, reveling in the sensation it brought to him. With it also came relief in knowing he wouldn't have to put off his own release much longer. The moment the first wave of pleasure pushed threw her, he focused on his own selfish needs, grinding his body into her, despite the sensitivity that had been he had created in his wake. The nails that bit into his shoulders would now leave marks and in that he found the tightening sensation that would make another day worth living in the hellish aftermath Ultemcia left him in.

Seifer pushed her against the wall, leaning his entire weight against her feeling her breast against his chest. He fell over the edge, losing himself in the moment of happiness that seemed to far and few between lately. For a moment he just leaned against her. Too reluctant to look at her knowing the moment he did it would all end, and honestly he would've even pushed the moment a few more seconds, but her legs unwrapped themselves from around him gathering more leverage to pull away.

"I need to go." She said with a roughness in her voice.

She was far from the bedroom talker most women were, that should have thrilled him, but somehow he remained unsatisfied. She pushed him aside in order to escape the trap both of them had fallen into. Quistis, looking for a quick escape, gathered her clothes off the floor and clearly would've been satisfied if nothing else would be said between them.

"Already regretting it, aren't ya?" He rolled his eyes trying to keep his tone playful despite the irritation at the lack of praise he was receiving. "I guess getting a pity fuck leaves me without room to complain right?"

"Who said I had regret?" She responded with her back towards him as she slide into her bra and underwear. "I regret what I did with a student… You're not my student anymore-"

"-No I'm the exknight who almost killed you and your friends." He wanted a reaction and was disappointed with the cool and collected look she turned around and gave him while zipping her skirt up. "Not sure if that's much an improvement is it?"

"Precisely why it stops here." She said throwing on her silk shirt failing to button it all the way to the top before putting the seed Jacket on. "You have you're burden to carry and I have mine."

"Oh? And what's yours?" He mocked. "That you get a rise out of banging me?"

That got the reaction he wanted. Her eyes rose to meet his for only a second before looking away to find her glasses on the chair.

"The same thing I've been dealing with since seeing you on the stage with Sorceress Eda in Deling." She twisted her hair up and secured it in a clip, but refused to look at him. "Losing the one person who might've understood me better then myself."

"I'm right here." He offered spreading his arms out letting her see him in his full glory.

Her hand twisted the doorknob slightly and her face reflected very little insight to what was going on in her head at that moment.

"Yes and yet, it seems that there are too many things standing in between us." She gave him one long but indecipherable look before dodging out of his room. Leaving him once again with the rejection that SeeD liked to bestow on him, but Hyne you'd have to call him a masochist, because at the same time he couldn't help but smile.


	15. Chapter 15

I do not own these characters. I just love them!

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><p>Chapter 15<p>

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><p>She led Angelo to the back door to frolic in the backyard watching her quickly disappearing into the night. She took a second to close her eyes before resigning herself to surrender to what she thought she wanted all long. She would get an answer, that was for sure, but now being alone in the same room with him she doubted the answers would be worth the pain. Her breath let out of her lips slowly, knowing there was no way to go back now, as she turned to face the man who held her heart so tightly in his hands.<p>

His face remained painfully still as he focused down on one spot of the tiled island counter. Waiting for her to return in, he remained deep in thought with his hands spread out to support his weight. He focused on his own breathing which frightened her even more. If he was this nervous to have this conversation, what did that mean for her?

She bit the inside of her cheek as she walked up next to him, taking in a big breath in, as she jumped up onto the counter next to him. There she waited for him to move, or start speaking, but he seemed determined to painfully draw this out. It had felt like an eternity since they were both- willing- alone together. How did it become this difficult to be so near to each other?Never in a million years did she think things would come to this. Something that felt so real just months ago now was slowly suffocating her? It all had an unreal quality to it that left her wondering if she was trapped in a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from.

Her eyes drifted up to allow her to examine the knight next to her and seeing him made her wish she hadn't, because nothing could have prepared her for how disheveled he seemed to be now. Before she hadn't seen the dark rings around his eyes and perhaps the soft lighting in the living room was able to hide it, but under the harsh halogen lights of her kitchen, everything was more apparent. From the dark rings that made him look hallow, to the blood shot redness that spoke of his unrest, nothing could be over looked now. He even looked physically thinner and more ragged then he had that morning. He was nothing like the well put together Commander she had spoken.

"What happened to you?" Rinoa's question left her lips in a whisper. "What happened to you in Esthar?"

She thought he would say something, but he remained motionless watching her. If there was anything going on in his head it wasn't going to be apparent to any outsider. She could pry into the bond, and Hyne knows how tempted she was, but she was scared to speak over a whisper incase it would scare him away.

"How could you leave me for a month having no idea what happened to you? Not even a single call to let me know that you were all right, or that you had left Esthar? Do you know how scared I was? I was looking all over Esthar for you! I even went to Laguna for help, only to find out from the news that me you had returned to Balamb."

Still no reply.

"Still, even then, you wouldn't take my call? You're not a coward, Squall. If you had gotten cold feet you would've just said so, so what happened?"

His hallowed eyes winced slightly in thought, but again the man next to her was doing nothing to let her in on what was stirring inside his head, and now the frustration was building. Why would he show up here if he was only planning on having a one sided conversation?

"Don't continue to ignore me… I can't take the silence anymore. Especially not when your right here next to me…"

His eye's finally dropped from her face and fell to the counter that supported him once more. This time she could see the chaos of thoughts running through his mind. She didn't even need the connection between them to know the kind of stress her questions was putting him under.

"I didn't know what I wanted." He said quietly. "I'm not sure even now."

She frowned trying to understand, but of course the man stood before her was not willing to share more then what he deemed was necessary. He was now carefully picking his words leaving nothing to chance.

"I feel conflicted even now. I care deeply about you and the last thing I want is to hurt you-" He started to falter again.

"But?" She wanted to cut to the inevitable. She just wanted to him to rip her heart apart, once and for all, so she wouldn't have to sit in the uncertainty that seemed to rule her life now. Anything was better then unknowing blackness he left her with, but he seemed not to be in a hurry to go down that path.

"What were you expecting to happen after Esthar?" Squall asked suddenly as if the right words finally had come to him giving him relief.

The question confused her. "I don't know Squall, I thought maybe we would get around to talking about that, but you ditched me back in the hotel with all my clothes off, remember?"

He leaned heavily on the island counter next to her staring down once more. She was irritated that he was going over the words he had obviously picked out earlier to rewrite them as wouldn't fit the script anymore. All she wanted was for him to be honest and open. This wasn't what she had in mind.

"I know this is hurting you." He broke from the rehearsed speech. She could tell from his tone suddenly getting quieter.

"Yes, but the worst part is I don't know why."

He looked slightly over at her but failed to raise his eyes to her face. Instead he starred at her hands.

"It goes back to what I had asked you before. What did you want to happen after Esthar?"

Clearly she needed to answer this riddle to get her answer, so she looked up to the ceiling and tried to put words to what she wanted, but she always came back to the same answer. "I wanted to be with you… other then that… I don't know…"

"I want this life as a Commander of Balamb-" He started

"-I don't want to prevent that." Rinoa jumped defensively.

"So you'd live in the garden year round? Doing what?" His words seemed to pick up in tempo as if he was finally getting the words right. She instantly went on the defensive feeling her mind tripping up on the words.

"I don't know off the top of my head, but it's one of the MANY options we could've made TOGETHER…"

"You'd hate living in the Garden Rinoa. You're a free spirit. The rules and regulations we live under would suffocate you, so what would be the point? You hate mercenaries so you won't become one of us, but yet you think you could easily live amongst us?"

"I would never know till I try." She looked at him as he held on to the pregnant pause for a moment.

"I wouldn't be around often. I would always be away from you and just about everything in my life would have to come before you. You might have put on a good face for a while, but slowly it would eat you alive. And as much as you love the others, in the end they're SeeDs too. This life of danger is all we know and all we want-"

"-Are you kidding me?" She exploded. "Of course I don't want to be a SeeD! But I was there for Ultemica and I'm somewhere in the middle with nowhere to go! I know exactly what your world is like now, and as much as sometimes I would like to hide from it, I can't! I'm too far in it to just back out-"

"You're not listening to me! I'm giving you the chance to get out now!" His voice cracked with anger that was only direct at her, making her want to shrink back but those darkening eyes pinned her in place. "You were a _big_ part of my life, Rinoa. _You_ brought me back to what matters."

"And that's back to something that doesn't include me in it?" She looked at him trying to see if something in his face that would tell her that this was all a lie, but his rough appearance didn't shift one bit under her scrutiny.

"The problem is I don't want you to be there."

How could he say that looking right in to her eyes? She felt like someone had just gutted her right then and there. If she had a heart, she couldn't feel it anymore, and her anger was building faster the she could have ever expected it to be. The pathetic desperation was sinking its teeth into her once more. She didn't want to be alone. She couldn't see life without her knight beside her. Her one true protector-

-_No wait! Not just her knight_, She reminded herself catching the errant thought that had seeped into her mind. He was much more to her then just a knight promising to protect her from the threats of the outside world. Squall was much more then the strength that held her together when she had given up. He was the irritatingly stoic man that became her best friend and lover. Right?

She suddenly was questioning her own motives. She loved the bond the they had, but she loved him more. Still… the most pressing thought running through her mind at that moment was losing her knight. Why was that so important? Why was she holding on to him? Because she wanted her protection? A stabilizer? No… it was more then that. Maybe she couldn't put it into the right words at this moment but she was sure deep down there was more holding them together. Why couldn't he just as easily see that as she did?

_Was it always this hot in here?_

"Why am I suddenly not important? I thought we leaned on each other-good through the bad." She wasn't holding him there for her own selfish wants, was she? Her mind seemed to swarm with thoughts that contradicted that idea, however her feelings of him not being a integral part of her life seemed almost threatening to her.

"I have my family I can lean on."

"So that's it then? Sorry, but just not interested anymore? This all came to you in Esthar? While we were-!" She grabbed his hand making his attention suddenly snap fully on to her with an intensity that made her go silent. The bond suddenly sucked her mind in so fast that she nearly lost track of where she was, or what they were talking about. All she could feel was the darkness that was pooling in his head and the desperation flowing through him to get away from her. The feeling that was ravaging around his mind; it was stabbing her soul like a million knives.

He pulled himself away coldly. Aggravated from the sudden intrusion that she had little control over.

"I just want to make it clear, that I'm not abandoning my duties as your knight. I promise if you need my protection, I will be there to answer the call. Balamb stands with you…." He paused for a moment in trepidation. "And I'll make that final promise. If the unthinkable happens… I promise Balamb will protect you from losing yourself."

Her entire body felt numb. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to be the one to stop her incase she lost her mind- Not Balamb Garden. She wanted to object, scream, or cry…. do anything to respond to the promise he was forcing upon her but it all got lost in her rage.

"You think I'm upset because I'm losing my knight? Or the protection of Balamb? I'm scared of losing you! Not any of those things!" She said but the hesitation in her own voice made her heart stop cold.

For a second the both stood there at a deadlock and Squall seemed to remain in apathetic fog that wouldn't lift.

"Does any part of what I'm saying make you feel anything?" She cried out feeling the tears she desperately held back sting her eyes. She had been fighting these feelings since Esthar. She held back every tear but now she wasn't sure how much more she could take. She was tired of being strong on her own.

"If you want to know if I should have done things differently, it's an obvious answer, Rinoa. Does it really surprise you that none of this comes easily to me? I didn't know what I want till it was too late… and then I didn't know how to ask for it."

"So in the end… all you want is to be commander of Balamb. I just don't buy it."

He stopped and looked at her.

"I want what is probably best for all involved. I want the opportunity at Garden where I don't have to worry about my selfish needs hurting the people I care about. I do care about you Rinoa…"

"This is almost crazy for me to ask but is this because of someone else?" She looked at him.

"Would it make it easier on to move on if the answer was yes?"

She heard Angelo at the back door starting to bark furiously, making Rinoa jump. But unwilling to pull herself away from such a strange reply she let the dog continue unabated.

"I'm confused, is that a yes or a no?" Jealousy started to peak in her a way that she never knew it could feel. For the first time she entertained the idea that maybe Squall really could have feelings for someone else and the idea made her want to strike out. Was this the Sorceress powers or was just a normal part of feeling hurt?

"I want to keep myself open to opportunities. I don't know what I want out of my life yet. That includes what we had." He had to raise his voice over the barking dog. "You'll hate me no matter what I do at this point Rinoa. It's either I cut you lose or make you miserable waiting for something that might never come."

Rinoa had enough of hearing these lies. She didn't buy that he came up with all of this that night when he was so physical enamored with her. She didn't know who this man was next to her, but it wasn't the man who fought for her life and protected her against Ultimecia throwing procedure aside to do so. Rinoa jumped off the counter to face him off once and for all.

"I don't know why you are saying these things when I know that these… excuses are nothing but lies." Her proximity was obviously a problem for him as his face suddenly rose to her; his eyes draining of life.

"You want to get away from me? Is that what you want?" She was practically shouting now feeling the violent urge to smash something.

He said nothing. He just looked at her slightly lost in the bond that was consuming the both. She put her hands on his shirt, crumbling the crisp fabric into a ball securing him closer to her.

"Squall… Look me in the eyes and just tell me it once more. Whatever the reason…. If you don't want me in your life then say it, but don't expect me to wait for you to figure it out. "

His bottom lip dropped slightly to say something, but the words got hung up in his mind.

"If you tell me to move on and then I will…" She leaned in closer feeling the need to touch him. Maybe this was all a dream. One they could wake up from, like a fairytale, with one simple kiss.

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><p>OOOOO<p>

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><p>Quistis floated down the stairs to an entirely dead party. Looking around she noticed that the party had split into two tense groups. One was the residence consisting of Zone and watts waiting by the table. Zone's jaw was wrought with tension as his eyes glanced over her quickly before dismissing her. Watts was a bit softer but equally as troubled. The second group waited by the couch huddled together and remain unmoving as she approached. What on earth did she miss?<p>

"What's going on?" She smiled tensely at the somber group. "Why is everyone so depressed? I thought this was a party?"

Irvine was the only one who looked up and gave a hesitant smile. "Yeah that ended awhile ago. Now we're just waiting."

"Waiting?" Quistis looked around counting the heads, quickly noticing their hostess missing. "Waiting for what? Where's Rinoa."

"In there… with him." Irvine motion towards door with a nod forcing Quistis to realize everyone was watching the kitchen door.

"Who's-" She didn't need to finish asking the question when she saw the formal SeeD jacket next to Zone. The entire contents of her stomach lurched suddenly upon seeing the fully decorated Seed jacket next to Zone.

"Squalls here?" She tried to hide the panic, but the quick attention the other SeeDs gave her spoke of her failure. She started to charge towards the door till a solid form blocked her way from the kitchen entry.

"What are you doing?" Zell crossed his arms his lips pressed in to a hard line.

She didn't have time for this. Not when Squall's sanity was at risk.

"We've all been called back. Get your stuff and have the driver pull up. That's an order." Quistis felt the cold glare coming from all around.

"Is that a real order from Balamb?" Zell's eyes questioned her. "I don't know how I'd feel about a false order-"

"Zell…" Selphie's face looked on in shock that must have mirrored Quistis's own. Somewhere in the back ground a dogs bark could be heard making Zone and Watts clearly uneasy. This distraction would make things easier on Quistis now that she wasn't the only one who wanted to check in on the Knight talking to his Sorceress.

"I'm not sure what your implying Zell. I'll do you a favor and chalk this up to your drinking being that I- a commanding officer- is passing on an order. Don't make me remind you what happens when you question a commanding officer." She held his eyes for a moment calling his bluff, while internally, the fact she had to lie to him was killing her. The most important thing to SeeD was trust between each other and right now she was defiantly violating that with Zell-with all of them really. She could only hope that maybe one day they could forgive her for this transgression. After all, she was doing everything to protect their family in the end.

Zell was the first one to look away leaving the fight where it stood and submitted to the order to stand down. The others who equally held their breath at the sight, shifted away from the door unwilling to step in now. One thing went her way, but still she had a larger problem on her hands, and she was reminded of that when she heard Rinoa's voice- while muffled- was shouting from the kitchen. Everyone's attention suddenly diverted giving Quistis her chance, but she wasn't the only one who had enough.

"That's it!" Zone shot up clearly unnerved as much as Quisitis with the commander's presence.

She took the cover Zone provided and followed behind him as he burst into the kitchen just in time to witness a sight that made Quistis heart drop.

The scene of Rinoa holding so tightly on to Squall and him leaning into her lips fathered more concern from Zone, who wasn't even aware that the sinister vibe he was feeling was real. This was a true threat that they both needed to disarm before it could get any worse.

Rinoa broke away from the kiss slightly from the intrusion but still hovered unapologetically looking into Squall's eyes for a reaction.

"I think you better leave Commander Leonheart. I may not be a SeeD but I'm confident that I'd be able to kick you out." Zone growled but still neither one of them them broke from their stare.

"Squall." Quistis's voice seemed to register on his face although he did not move.

"We've been called back. It's time to say goodbye." She hoped it would be enough to pull him away without incident, but she wasn't sure whom she was talking to at that moment. He looked distinctively disheveled and agitated from where she stood. Her concern was that it was far too late and cursed herself for not carrying her weapon in case a fight would be necessary.

"Damn it Rinoa! Don't you even hear Angelo!" Zone raced to the back door and only then did Squall finally swallow deeply, breaking the tense stand off that made Quistis held her breath.

"I hope you find happiness… despite me." Squall whispered looking down at her for a second before taking a few steps backwards out of her grip.

Rinoa's hands fell heavily to her side and the look on her face at that moment nearly broke Qustis resolve. Seeing someone she respected and regarded so highly slowly disappearing into depression in front of her eyes was something she wasn't sure she could remain neutral on. If it hadn't been for Rinoa's dog trying to escape the tight hold Zone had on her collar, she may have broken her word to Squall.

Angelo reared up trying to charge Squall, fiercely barking while bearing her teeth, making everyone except Squall jump in fear. The dog attempted to lunge, forcing Rinoa to break away from the moment of pain, to try to gather her thoughts on what had made her dog lash out in such a way. Whatever it was, it was a clear indication that she had to get Squall away from here as fast as possible.

"Sorry, but thank you for your hospitably- but we must go _NOW_ on Garden's order." She prayed her voice would lift him from the stand off he was having with Angelo and sure enough he let himself be lead away.

His movements were slow and hesitant. As she tried to gather their things from the living room, Squall stood there completely unfocused, completely withdrawn into his own mind. Quistis held out the jacket for Squall but he didn't move making Quistis take his arm and escort him out.

Once out of the house she could see the group was waiting with their driver and parked a few lengths over was a random grey car. Everyone's eyes darted to them waiting for orders. She quickly dropped Squall's arm knowing she was drawing to much attention as it was.

"Whose car?" Quistis asked under her breath to the commander.

"The key's are in the pocket of my jacket." He walked past the group on his own- seemingly perfect till he reached the passenger side door where he fumbled slightly with the door handle.

Quistis looked at the others who waited for orders with blank stares that remained unreadable. Hyne only knew what was going threw their heads now.

"Zell and Irvine, get back and prepare for an early call to Islands closest to Heaven on behalf of the President of Esthar." She took a big breath in knowing she would have to come up with something for the others. "Selphie you and I are going over the information I have received over Rinoa. Take time to sober up but meet me in the staff meeting room at Six hundred hours."

Her eyes fell to her hands that searched Squall's jacket finding a set of silver keys that hung on a small loop. She regretted turning her back to her friends, but as she walked to the driver side of the door she could tell she was protecting them from a monster that was just waiting to be unleashed.

Squall's breaths were on even and even in the dim lighting she could see his eyes dance back and fourth analyzing his racing thoughts.

She put the keys in the ignition allowing herself to take one last look in the rearview mirror at the SeeDs getting into the black sedan behind them. Quistis's hands went to the steering wheel in apprehension wondering if she was doing the right thing separating from the group in this sudden mental shift that had taken place, but Squall's voice in her ear made her mind go blank.

"Start driving. Anywhere except the garden. Now."

Right then and there, as she pulled the car out of park, did she finally come to realize that the man next to her was no longer her student or her friend; He was something in between.

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><p><strong><em><span>I just wanted to give extra thanks for those who reviewed! Couldn't ask for a better Christmas gift, honestly. Good or bad, it's nice to know someone is reading and if the story is going ok or if I should shake things up. I have some big things in mind for this story. I like to try to spice things up, and yet, hopefully keep it semi realistic. Hopefully I can up date again very soon. I seem to be averaging one week for an update but maybe I can increase this week, as my baby is FINALLY feeling better. Happy Holidays everyone!<span>_**


	16. Chapter 16

These are not my characters, but I can dream right?

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><p>Chapter 16<p>

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><p>-oooOOOooo-<p>

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><p>Fear was something a SeeD was trained to over come. They're trained to be able to look it in the eye objectively, and put it into perspective of the greater goal- no matter what the loss may be. Years of training desensitized him, but hearing the words that he was losing her tore his mind apart. She had no idea the destruction that was left behind when those lips pressed carefully into him in a final bid to keep him. She had no idea that at the same time it was a bid for him to yield into the darkness. She had unknowingly split him into two.<p>

Moments around him started to bleed into darkness that threatened to consume his soul whole. He started to see threats in everything around him; first started by the intruders that risked themselves to separate them, then followed by the beast who seemed to sense the power his Sorceress gave him. His desire to train that mutt to yield to his master preoccupied him until his ire turned on to the blonde who called for him to leave-

Quistis.

The name and sudden recognition seared through the derange thoughts for a moment, and the force of the guilt that overwhelmed him made him retreat peaceably if not nervously with Quistis's hands to guide him. The dark part of his mind was still in a heated battle for control, and he knew that at any moment he could fall backwards into the wickedness that called out to him. A part of his rational mind sympathized with the darkness and wanted to release himself to it. It all stemmed from the anger in him that wanted to rip apart the unjust world that seemed to place everything he ever wanted just outside of his reach.

He had a father, but he was abandon by him for the love of another country that wasn't his own.

He had a mother, and even a sister, but the GF's had stolen the memory of their love for him- leaving him broken.

He had friends, but undoubtedly they were beginning to turn from him even now.

He had Rinoa, the one who seemed to unlock everything inside of him to give his life meaning, but now he was being force to crush her light.

_Maybe this world was worth destroying for her? _

Was that the darkness now speaking to him? Or was that truly how he felt from fate betraying them? The two now seemed to be blending in together so effortlessly that it was impossible to tell what he really wanted-or what he should think.

He was consumed by the blackness to the point that he failed to realize he was outside until someone made a remark about a car. Maybe an insight to the truth of how much of this was his own and what wasn't. The moment he took his spot in the front seat the heavy weight of the world hit him.

For the longest time he had prided himself on being strong enough to hold up against the worst odds. Humbled, now he could admit he just might not be strong enough to win this fight.

The feeling in his chest that pulsed so violently was killing his mind. He didn't want to hear it anymore as it only confirmed that this was all real and not a dream he would be able to awaken from. The doomed knight that lived in him was asking to be unleashed now. He wanted the full reigns and get his hands on Balamb Garden. The source of all that was evil and wrong with this world- especially Cid. What did that man know about true sacrifice? He never fought this battle next to his sorceress and yet he dictated on how Squall should act. The man was spineless. When the darkness tore apart Edea's mind he sat behind a desk and watched it happen. Instead of fighting the world in order to protect her, he sent children to do the task he couldn't stomach.

_Cid deserves to die, _The violation he felt started to over rule his mind till a sudden burst of thought broke through turning his mind upside down.

Squall was no better then him at this point. He was watching his Sorceress in pain and walked away.

The tightening of his jaw reflected his mood. Who was he going to to be in his own story? The victim or the villain? Was he going to be her hero or the one who kills her?

He saw a set of hands gripping the steering wheel with a worry set of eyes glancing up into the review mirror. The light reflecting off the mirror only highlighted the expressed concern making him shake in anger.

A voice from somewhere with in him wanted to escape and for a moment he allowed it.

"Start driving. Anywhere except the garden-Now."

He heard the car pull out of park and instantly his mind reeled at the command. This wasn't what he had planned, but another side of him was warring against him.

He wanted to face down Cid, make him explain from under his feet why he felt the need to build SeeD to destroy his life! His hands suddenly clenched his head in agony as a riptide of emotions tore him to shreds.

"I'm calling Kadowaki. She can meet us out here-" Quistis said with one eye on the road reaching down for the cell she carried in her jacket, only to have him rip it from her hand before tossing it out the window. The car swerved on the road throwing him against the door.

"What the hell Commander?" Quistis tried to regain control of the car and her voice. "Are you still with me?"

"No one!" He shouted fighting himself to speak. "I don't want to see anyone. Not like she could see me now as we have her car."

Her vibrant eyes widened in realization of something but it was too hard for him to keep control over his own emotion less try to decipher someone else.

"Hyne, what was she thinking." Her voice aired her thoughts.

His eyes slowly went out of focus. "Maybe she knows something I don't."

"Squall, stay with me."

The desperation in her voice sounded so good. He leaned back on the headrest letting the tension soak in for a bit saying nothing. He just let the fantasies run through his head till one stood out in particular. Only then did he allow himself to speak.

"Take me back to Balamb." The relaxing voice was meant to put her at ease, but she the complete opposite reaction.

"Pray tell, who is asking me to do that?" Her eyes refused to look over.

"Aren't you tired of all of this Quistis? You know as well as I do who holds the power in Garden. It's us-Not headmaster Cid anymore. We're fools for letting Cid use us like this and we could stop it at anytime."

"What are you suggesting?" She drew in a breath of concern. "You love Cid, Squall. You love Garden and anything that would hurt Garden would hurt you."

"I don't love garden more then her," He said knowing the words would play on the weakness of her sisterly concern. As if on his command, she reacted to the forward admission that from someone like him would throw her. "I'm tired, Quistis, aren't you? Aren't you tired of being dictated by rules this man has created?"

"Squall, you need to remember who you are-"

"Am I striking a nerve?" Sure she seemed clam but she was holding back something as the speedometer started to climb into the illegal limits.

"Cid's taking something from me. What has he taken from you?"

"He gave us a home when no one wanted us. He protected trained us and gave us purpose-"

"In order to use us."

She bit into her bottom lip to keep silent against his claim, but that wouldn't satisfy him.

"Nothing will ever stop if we do it his way and you know that. Are we protecting Rinoa by leaving her exposed for all the world to judge? She has done nothing to this world yet everyone is against her-!"

"Not everyone-"

"Just people who plan to kill her. Why am I tearing myself apart for this world who can't even see threw their own ignorant bigotry to see that she saved them! Now I wished she had just let Ultimecia kill all these bastards. It would've saved me the trouble."

His anger was the only sound in the car.

"I see. You plan to turn on her back too. You're just one of them?" He glanced towards her.

"I'm doing what you ordered me to do. This is what you wanted. This is how you planned to keep her safe-" Quistis tried to list it off, but she was wrong! This was never what he meant and she was insane for interpreting it like this.

"You suspect I'm not thinking clear?" He laughed loudly making her eyes finally reflect the uneasiness she was feeling. "Your wrong…. It's the first time in my life that I had my mind open up like this. No one is telling me what to do, how to think, or how to react. It's… liberating. We've been trained not to want this, and now I can't return to that way of life."

He glanced over knowing she was listening despite the stone walled expression she left on her face, only visible when the lights on the side of the road passed them by.

"I'm her knight, Quistis. We owe her our existence. I should be by her side to protect her. I want to take her to Centra… to protect her." He undid his seat belt in one swift motion to turn towards her. "Help me Quistis. Help me protect her. There must be something out there you want to protect- something you want. Help me fight and take down Cid so we can finally protect Rinoa the way she deserves. Help me and the world will be at your feet. Everything you want will be yours and I'll protect it."

"I can't do that." Her voice quickly responded.

"Is that so?" His reaction was too quick for her to block, as he grabbed the steering wheel, veering the car on to the light of the on coming traffic.

"What the hell are you doing?" She threw her entire body to counter act him, but he steeled himself against her retaliation.

Too enthralled with the inclosing lights heading towards them on the desolated two lane road to realize her swift reaction of reducing their speed and flashing the high beam in order to warn the other car. However, it did nothing but create panic in the other driver who laid on their horn as the lights grew blindingly closer.

"You're going to kill us both!" Quistis, normally cool under pressure, cracked trying to throw him off, but in this position, she was at the disadvantage in every way. Why couldn't she understand that and submit?

"Did you know I used to secretly admire you as an instructor? Never would've said that out loud but graduating and becoming an instructor at 18?" He watched the fear in her face grow; growing more clear as the light enhanced till her eyes finally went to him in the last seconds to plead. He had never truly seen his former instructor frightened like this. Even faced with Ultimecia she hadn't known fear like she was experiencing now. He leaned in entranced and felt himself smile in wonder.

The deathly silent suddenly came alive with the blare of the other cars horn. As the light fixated on them, it suddenly swerved out of their way leaving them in a new blinding darkness that seemed to throw both of them. He failed to recover as quickly as she did and she took the moment of confusion to throw him off and gunned the car as fast as she could; correcting it to the right lane before a new dangerous situation could transpire.

His body hit the side of the car door pretty hard, which only made him laugh with vigor. He was loving the refreshed control the near death experience had brought to her.

"Garden fired you remember?" He shouted as the adrenaline coursed through him with life. "Their judgement on you was wrong and you proved that with Ultiemcia! Yet your settling to be one of their slaves? You're better then that!"

He saw the drastic move her hands made; cranking the steering wheel for to the right. The little maneuver made the car suddenly swerve over the curb and into the sandy embankment, jostling the two around before she let the car go dead. She pulled the keys out of the ignition before he could grab them hiding them in her hand. He tried to make a desperate grab for her but anticipating it she blocked him easily enough and thrusted him off.

"Get off!" She screamed before making a quick exit from the car leaving the door open from her hasty retreated.

He slammed his fists several times on the dash board continuing to confess the obscenities into the night before wrenching the door open to see his target run over the embankment towards the beach.

The heavy salt in the air that was carried by the wind made his eyes water as he tracked his pray along the coastline. Never feeling the need to run after her knowing too well that she wanted to keep track of him in an effort to keep him away from the one he needed to really feel alive. This was just a distraction, one he was willing to fall into if it would potentially gain an ally in his fight. Sure enough over the last sandy embankment he found her standing on the edge of the water break. She turned around seeing him calmly approaching her, and she went into a defensive position, one he didn't care to copy.

"This could all stop here Quistis." He let the wind carry his words to her. "Stand with me or you will fall to your knees with the others. Become my target or a part of my legion. Which is it?"

She stood firm against the wind picking up the sand around them, coating them in dust. "I'm standing with the real you, Squall. This isn't real! What your seeing-what you're feeling isn't real!"

He let the cold night air wind through his lungs as he squinted against the sand storm. "Your belief in this world is going to be what separate us?"

He started to approach her. "Fine. You had your chance."


	17. Chapter 17

I do not own the story nor the characters. :(

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><p>Chapter 17<p>

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><p>-oooOOOooo-<p>

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><p>It was cruel history repeating itself. Nothing could fill the void that left her soul the moment he raised his hand against her; A powerful para-magic building in front of a familiar face that harbored her death and destruction. Unlike before with Seifer, now she knew that those eyes that stole her breath away wasn't really that of her student and in away it made swallowing what she had to do that much easier. She casted a shell anticipating the drama that would unfold, garnering her an eerie smirk from her once commendable Commander.<p>

Then the rage stepped in.

He thrust his hand towards her expelling the magic in a wave of light that ignited their surroundings with a red hellish glow. She braced herself against it and was able to absorb what the shell could not allow her to come throw unscathed. The world shrunk back in to blackness, but wising up to how she was junction he moved on to the next attack, desperate for her to feel pain by his hand, he started the crackling of ice started to break through the night.

Reacting faster then he could in his haze, she went on the defensive and casted a silence spell knowing fully well he would not have anything on him to dispel it. It was one of the many foresighted restrictions Cid had placed on him incase a situation like this became unavoidable. His eyes twitched in annoyance as he drew in closer, his body positioning himself for a full on physical attack.

She could take him on for a while, but how long she didn't know. She needed to make a quick decision on how far she wanted to take this before exhaustion would wear her down, and his obvious strength would over power her.

He was the first to attack, so unlike his real nature that preferred to study his foe before making an rash judgment, it made it easier for her to block the first throw that was meant to incapacitate her and follow threw with a similar attack of her own aiming for his head.

Quistis made a slight mistake in her execution which Squall quickly honed in on, grabbing her arm pulling so her stomach meet his knee in a violent burst; evicting all the air from within her. Slightly taken a back, there was no time to waste on coughing as she pulled him down with her till both were planted into the wet sand- coating them head to toe. He recovered from the spill faster as he still had his wits about him. She felt his heavy frame climb on top of her pinning her underneath him as they frigid mist of the ocean spray covered them making both of their skin rise in retaliation. The only warmth now was from the hot and sticky breath from the lips laughing at her just above her as he leaned in, his forsaken eyes peered into hers sending shivers down her spine. She had always wanted to her him laugh, but now given the circumstances, she might be fine never hearing it again.

"We could do this all night, but it's cutting into the inevitable. You will not win against me!" He shouted despite the close proximity. He dug his nails in to her skin piercing it to drive home his point. "I will protect her from the world and if you stand by in my way, I will remove you from my path-"

"Squall! Do you remember the first time you met Rinoa?" Honestly, she shouted question out of desperation, as she looked for a distraction so she could searched for her next move not anticipating it would affect him the way it did. His smile slowly grew at the question, but then to her surprise, it suddenly then faltered; retracting a bit at the edges. Her eyes narrowed at the complex shift that happened in front of her and quickly moved on that thought.

"What about the first time you danced with her in the graduation ceremonies? Do you remember the dress she wore or the song you danced to?" The pupil of his eyes moved back and fourth searching his memory for answers, not only receiving silence as an answer, but a tighter grip around her arm confirming his frustration. "How about when you walked across the horizon bridge in order to save her-?"

"-None of that matters!" His voice sounded rough as the sand that blew across them.

She looked up into those blue eyes that bore into hers with such hatred now that reminded her of what she saw in Seifer not long ago.

"You can't remember even one of those memories can you? How can you be your true self if you can't remember one thing about her?"

His face suddenly shifted between pure rage and horror, but it was enough for Quistis to hook her legs around his waist throwing him off enough for her to go for his eyes in hope she could apply enough pressure to debilitate him and not permanently blind him.

He tried to escape her reach, but she pulled her legs around whipping him off of her as she took position over him giving him a blow to the head that he was unable to block entirely dazing him.

"Squall get a hold of yourself! Do you remember fighting Ultemica? Do you remember Rinoa saving you from time compression? Does anything ring a bell to you-?"

"STOP." He said clearly in a abrupt explosion of angst.

His eyes suddenly withdrew from her, letting his hands fall to his chest that heaved. A sign of the toll that the confusion was having on his body. He pushed her off to escape her questions, but by his look and his demeanor, he seemed like he was backing away from the edge of darkness. He started walking towards the water letting it crash over his feet. Quistis shot up to her feet completely on edge of what might now be running through his mind.

He turned his back to her as his caramel hair being thrashed back and forth from the high winds produced by the storm out at sea. An eternity seemed to have passed as he stood in the water without saying anything further to her but at the last moment, forgetting their earlier scuffle completely, he turned back to her his face completely drained of any color except for the redness near his eye that had come from the contact with her fist.

"She wants me to do this…" his voice said unsure of the words he already spoke. The clear eyes slowly fell from Quistis, and were once again lost in his own mind fighting a war she couldn't see.

"No, she loves garden Squall. You're staying away to protect her."

His face suddenly twisted in pain at the idea, but it was clear that he was slowly coming out of it. The emotional toll though, was now reeking havoc in his head, as he twisted away in anger trying to clear the intruding thoughts that was trying to consume him once more.

"I don't even know who I am anymore." He said in torment, looking out to the storm, the waves starting to knock him back slightly.

Quistis slowly approached him feeling the freezing water pierce her skin, taking her own breath away. The only way someone could stand in it for any length of time could be through possession, because the pain was almost unbearable yet he seemed to not even notice it.

"That's why I'm here." She said over his shoulder on the most soothing voice she could muster while still feeling threatened by his presence.

"Hyne, I'm losing my mind." The words dropped from his lips trembling.

That was when she did a firm strike to each jugular vein watching the lights go out of him. She caught his heavy mass with a exasperated grunt before slowly she started to drag him far enough back so that the water would fail to reach him. She let him fall into the sand and crashed beside him knowing this would only be temporary solution. Hyne only knew when her friend would come back to her in a more stable state for transport, and something told her to expect a fight or two if he wouldn't stay unconscious till then. She looked out to see the lightening picking up out at sea and started to pray for the sun to rise.

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><p><em><strong>Hope everyone had a good weekend and Happy Holiday! Is anyone other then me happy it's all over? I thought with it being the holidays and all it would be peaceful and more conductive to writing but boy was I wrong. 4 holiday parties and a in demand 10 month old has kept me running around to all the relative's home. SO hopefully this all makes sense. I hope it does but I'm writing this all in a fog. I'm soooo tired! Although I'm excited to write the next chapter. It will be a memory of Squall's that's very dear to him. Should be fun!<strong>_


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own these characters... just love them!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

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><p><strong>oooOOOooo<strong>

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><p><strong>He hated these kinds of things.<strong>

**Or at lest he used to…**

**Her finger pointed up to a star that had fallen amongst it's brethren; streaking through the night sky with it's final journey before falling against the breath taking backdrop that was a full moon sky as Balamb's garden passed through it's serenity. His eyes fixated on the spot where that hasty moment had taken place in under a blink of an eye, remembering the fateful moment he had witnessed during his graduation ceremony. A fallen star back then lead to a dance with someone who would forever change the course of his life, was this cosmos telling him that they've finally come full circle? **

**He really wanted to believe that it true.**

**Never before did Squall need a sign to tell him what was real, but upon facing the one who changed nearly every idea of what was possible, he felt unsure of what to believe in. Maybe- just maybe there was something out there watching over them.**

**Rinoa had an all-knowing smile devilishly placed on her face, knowing he had shared in the very same moment with her once again. He couldn't help but let that foreign smile meet hers this time. For once, it was natural and almost releasing as he relieved the memory with her in silence.**

**They were alive. The rush of that realization was something that no words could convey to the hauntingly beautiful spirit next to him. All of them had known the unspoken risk in facing Ultimecia. The once reluctant leader had found his place amongst his peers, and had planned fight to the death to preserve their lives. Standing before her now as a man freed of fate's twisted path it reminded the Knight of how so many took life for granted. That realization in the end was what made the next step possible for him. **

**He only meant to pull her in close into his embrace. Close enough to be able to feel her warmth and smell the light scent of her perfume was too intoxicatingly possessive, but his body reacted on it's own charted path. Leaning in, he brought his lips to hers. **

**Her eyes didn't question his journey at all, and as his lips trailed along hers asking for permission that she quickly granted. She linked her arms around his neck tightly, extending herself to give back with full passion that could have consumed them both. He had no idea what to expect, but what transpired between them was far from what either of them could have imagined.**

**The soft lips were the only source of warmth on the balcony, and it radiated it's unnatural heat through out his entire body bringing him closer into her mind. He would have pushed her way before, not liking the sense of being too close to her own personal and most private of thoughts, but once close it was too comforting to pull away from. There was no need to speak as the thoughts of what his presence had brought to her. He could feel the security through the bond and the immense feelings he had himself that he was unable to put into words now were left unexposed. **

**As invasive as the intrusion was, he almost preferred it's method to the one of words to communicate. No longer did he have to worry about his choice of words or even how to explain the complicated emotions he preferred to hide. It was all in the open for her to see and all she had to do was to look. **

**Her lips recaptured his mind from the bond, snapping him back into the moment that was theirs. Her lips swollen from his, her taste was far sweeter then anything he had ever experienced. He let himself physically surrender to her pursuant ways- until the moment in time was quickly shattered by their alarm.**

**Angelo's bark irreversibly broke the moment, and alerted them to the spies gawking from a safe distance. Being mortified was the first sensation that swept through the Knight upon seeing his comrades pointing and laughing in surprise at them. Then followed swiftly by anger at seeing a camera in Irvine's hand. **

**Rinoa quickly stuck out her tongue at her friends, before point Angelo to his next targets. Selphie let out a loud yip seeing the giant beast heading at full speed towards them, but the damaged had already been done. It was apparently by the annoyed and very vexed face Rinoa turned back to him with. Her duster jacket was hardly enough to keep her warm while the garden sailed through the night sky, and in the moon's light he could see the bumps beginning to rise on her skin.**

"**Well, guess that was caught on film for all eternity." She winced knowing how he would feel about it. He opted not to thinking about it. The next spare moment he had will be used to introduce Selphie's camera to his gunblade. "So what do you want to do Commander? Want to go mingle?"**

**The smile on her face meant she knew his answer already.**

"**Ok, no mingling." She conceded. "How about a dance?"**

**His bitter smile was all the answer she needed as she pressed herself against him fidgeting with his jacket, pulling it tight on him. She leaned her head up to the heavens in deep thought before finally letting out a sigh. "Alright, Commander, what do you want to do on such a momentous night?"**

**He looked off to the side unsure of what he should say as he ran his hands over her skin in an attempt to keep her warm. With an entire ballroom filled with people celebrating his team's victory there would be no way he could keep the attention off of himself long enough to be able to enjoy her presence next to him. **

"**Maybe we could go back to your room?" **

**The words brought his attention back to her now seeing her focus had fallen to her feet anxiously. **

"**My room?" He was just repeating the words as he heard it. Unable to translate the various meaning behind such a simple suggestion, he attempted to mask any reaction until she looked up at him and smiled innocently making him wonder if he had done a good enough job hiding the surprise look on his face. **

"**Sure, why not?" She took his hand quickly to drag him away from their party. Too concerned that giving him anymore time to think about her words would give him a chance to deny him. It made that foreign reaction come back to his face in amusement. Once again, like the very first night he had met her, she dragged him across the party on a mission of her own. Only this time there was absolutely no chance he would have rejected her to begin with. Squall had made a commitment that night standing under the stars. His priorities would change starting with the raven hair woman next to him. He swore during that moment he saw the store to never break her heart.**

**Getting away from the party unnoticed was the easy part. The long walk down the deserted hallway that leads to his room was the unbearable part. Her fingers were entwined with his, and that still felt unnatural to him, even if it did give him some comfort knowing she was only a half a step behind him. He was wondering what he was doing bringing her to his dorm? It was against the rules but that alone was a conundrum. After all who would people report it too? His self? Headmaster Cid, who would be turning the reigns over to him in a few months time?**

**Of course he had to lead by example, but that would start tomorrow. Tonight he just wanted to be next to her for a little while longer till he could come to grip with the reality that they were all really safe….**

**Before the reality of life after Ultimecia would hit them both. **

**He stopped at the door that looked all the same as the others. **

"**This is it." He announced awkwardly. **

"**Yes, I remember." She smiled despite not being impressed. "Very nice door."**

**He rolled his eyes at her mockery before swiping his key card granting permission for the lock to retreat back into it's confines allowing the door to slide easily open.**

**She walked through the threshold clearly feeling entitled to the space. It didn't take much for her to turn back around already seeing everything there was to be seen. His bed was pushed against the windows that were covered by white blinds. His neatly made bed had the standardized blue spread all SeeD's were provided with and in the far corner there was a small desk that was covered with books that had long since been forgotten. The space was left in the same condition before their journey had begun, bare and sterile. It was like it had been unaffected by time and was now a time capsule of the life he had left behind.**

"**Nice shoe box. Does being commander get you a room upgrade by any chance?" She jested… at lest he thought. He squinted at her trying to decipher if it was a legitimate question.**

"**I don't know." Honestly he didn't know what his new position would bring with it. It was one of those things he would have to negotiate with one of the SeeD Union representatives and Cid.**

"**I don't have a lot of things." He shrugged trying to understand why more space would be necessary as he walking into the threshold allowing the door to close behind him. "Most of the time we are deployed or out in the training center-"**

**He stopped speaking abruptly when she made herself at home on his bed while innocently looking around, before turning to him gesturing that he should take a seat next to her. He tried to put all the accusations and ideas away in his mind, but what she said next left him completely taken aback.**

"**I feel like I owe you something after all of this." Rinoa said looking over at him giving him a untranslatable look.**

**Those words could have a lot of different meanings and it must have been clear from the reaction on her face that she understood the first translation that came to his mind.**

"**Commander Leonheart!" She swatted him playfully. "What exactly were you hoping for?"**

**He could feel the old defenses rearing their ugly head. Some old habits were not going to be broken so easily. He jumped off the bed leaving her to lean backwards, crashing on the mattress.**

"**You know, it's actually refreshing to know that you are like any normal man in some areas."**

**He remained silent not disputing anything she was thinking. She had no idea how "normal" he was feeling seeing her on his bed. **

"**It feels surreal doesn't it?" She asked him letting the topic go off into a comfortable silence.**

**Her hair was wildly spread around her framing her as her lips slightly parted but remained silent. Her eyes studied his ceiling so intently that he nearly fell under her spell of just watching her. Remembering his presence, he finally found the urgency to break from his own serious stare and found some words that would break the building tension that was building to just touch her.**

"**I'm waiting for it to hit me. For the adrenaline to fade." He answered truthfully while fidgeting slightly.**

"**I'm still afraid Squall." The parted lips admitted as her eyes suddenly went to his holding him in place.**

**Those words aroused the protectiveness inside of him.**

"**I'm afraid I will wake up tomorrow and you'll be gone. That everything will be gone."**

**He had no idea these kinds of thoughts had been seriously running through her head.**

"**I'm not going anywhere." He reminded her but it did nothing to ease the fear in her face. "I belong here."**

**He wasn't talking about garden, but even with the lack of words she seemed to grasped the missing words he meant. He belongs beside her and nothing in this world could remove him from it. Sometimes he wish he could voice the thoughts in his head knowing it would bring her comfort but the words remain in his chest.**

**Rinoa blinked a few times holding back and swallowed hard before looking back up at the ceiling. "Its only beginning, Squall. I can feel it inside me and honestly- I'm scared. Just knowing that the entire world knows who I am now alone is terrifying."**

**He forced himself to sit down next to her, but he didn't expect her to grab his hand placing it on the exposed part of the center of her chest, making his heart race like the one below his hand.**

"**You feel it?" She asked her eyebrows raised in concern. "It's been like this ever since Ultiemica."**

**The heart under his hand protected by flesh and bone pulsed enraptured. **

"**It doesn't ever slow down." Her eyes remained fixated on him. "Is it because of you or the pow-"**

**Her words stopped mid-sentence as he lost all control of his will and any sanity he had left. Her lips didn't fight his intrusion, even though a small part of him wished she would. He wasn't sure what he was doing or maybe the case was he wasn't sure WHY he was kissing her unexpectedly with more fervor then he had on the balcony. His will to stop was absent, he would have to rely on Rinoa to keep him at bay, but from the direction her hands were heading there would be no one saving him.**

**One of her hands went behind his neck for support, as her other roaming hand carefully buried it's self under his shirt. Hesitantly at first she brushed her fingertips across his feverish skin, tickling him at first, until she placed her whole hand on his bear skin. That was when the unworldly like sensation passed through him.**

**His eyes opened to meet hers in awe. The heat surged through every piece of him igniting his senses; increasing their feeling ten fold.**

"**Do you feel that?" Her voice hardly cracked over a whisper as her dark eyes pooled into his searching for acceptance. Her labored breaths washed over him.**

**It was the same heated sensation that coursed through him earlier on the balcony. Apparently not a figment of his imagination, or from hormones run rampant. All he could do was nod in wonder as her skin touched him once more recreating the pleasure that could send him to his knees. He was use to keeping his emotions under control and didn't particular like the idea that she had such a emotional and now physical grasp on them. With the free spirit he suddenly acquired through his murky tribulations, he was going to have to find a way to lose some of the control or risk the chance of losing her, because he could see the frustration in her as she tried to read his reaction. **

"**You did that on the balcony." He found the words but hesitation came through unsettling himself in the process. **

**Her eyes widen suddenly.**

"**You felt it then too?" Rinoa attempted to pull away her hand, but the possessiveness in him refused to her go. Her eyes widen suddenly at the forwardness he was displaying which made him want to rethink it, but he steeled his resolve forcing himself to stay open. He looked down at the small hand in his for a moment but his mind was completely at a loss from the linger sensation that stood in his chest.**

"**What is it?" He questioned.**

**She was the one to suddenly break from him forcing the both of them to sit up facing each other on his bed.**

"**I don't know," She admitted with a small dark smile. "Honestly I can't seem to control it."**

**The two of them sat there together for a moment feeling the words between them drift apart. Rinoa's dark hair folded over her shoulder suddenly as she leaned in placing her body against him making him once again hold her tight like he had in space. This time there was no awkwardness to it. For once everything was happening in the right moment.**

"**You know we moved in to this pretty fast into this." Her words reverberated in his chest. "Seems like we are doing everything out of order."**

"**There's nothing normal about us." He stated tightening his grip on her.**

**A weak smile from his reassurance fell on her face. "Well, I guess that's true. I'm still worried we're taking this too fast." She looked up from his arms. **

**He gave her a sideways glance in confusion.**

'**It's just… normal there would be a date or two long before this point." She bit her lip to cover her amusement. "Not to mention you only realized you had feelings for me. I kind of feel like I'm taking advantage of you." **

**Maybe they were taking everything too fast. He looked up thinking how over night they had jumped from being a client/contractor relationship to a life revolving love affair did seem odd. Personally the idea of that label was terrifying to him, but in his world, tomorrow's mission may just be his last day on this world. Fast was how he lived his life now. After all, not even a year ago he only had his studies at garden to worry about. Now he had friends he could fully put his trust into. Why wouldn't that spill into other areas of his life?**

**Fast was not a problem, and he'd proved when his lips met hers once more, interlocking hers with the uncertainty of not know what tomorrow would bring. Afraid that as fast as she had come in to his life, he knew there was always a chance she could disappear just as fast.**

**This time he hoped there would be no words to distract them, as he greedily pulled tighter into his chest. He was fully enthralled by her willingness, straddling him as she ran her hands through his messy brown hair making his skin feel burning with life.**

**Rinoa was a series of complexities to Squall. Free spirited and idealistic followed her strong strength of justice and peace. How she could ever look someone with as much blood on his hands as him, and some how see hope in him? It made him question if he was doing the right thing by holding her so tightly- like he was looking for redemption that could only be attained from within her. Redemption was something he never had to seek out, until now.**

**Her body pressed hard in to his, pressing his well establish control to the limits. Feeling her breasts pressed so firmly against him inflamed the curiosity that he had to try to keep from entering his mind since realizing his attraction to her. He was thankful for the close proximity of her lips that hid the sudden streak of color that came across his cheeks when thinking of how far he could easily take this. **

**He buried his tongue into her mouth seek refuge from the thoughts wrecking havoc on his mind. The taste of her combine with the raking of her finger on his back was heaven, and he couldn't help detest the moment she broke away from him.**

**He looked up at her on the edge of sanity knowing that maybe it was for the best it broke off here before Squall's honor dissolved completely and he wouldn't be able to be stopped.**

"**Squall," Her words came as an out-of-breath moan against his starved lips. "Stop thinking and take off my clothes."**

**Those words that almost chastised him were not what he was expecting to hear. His eyes drew to hers questioning if he had heard right, which made Rinoa lean her forehead against his nuzzling him waiting for action. He tried to regain his breath as he tried to swallow the permission she had just given him. **

**Rinoa mistook the pause as hesitation and quickly pulled back not welcoming the pause. She was determined to have her way even if it meant she had to be the one to make the first move. She pulled the strings to her blue duster apart, shrugging her shoulders free and quickly went the to the black tank top reminding him of his own presence as his excitement became too apparent.**

**A knowing smile crept on to her face- with a hint of blush- as she pulled the tank top of her head freely displaying the perfect supple breasts being restrained by a single article of clothing that could be removed in seconds. His hands came alive running over the sensitive skin of her shoulders. Begging her not to ignore his lips anymore they collide in a pace that accelerated in to dizzying pace. From all the battles he had ever fought in, nothing excited him like feeling Rinoa's hand pushing his leather jacket of his shoulders, or the wild bid she made to free his jeans from the dizzying array of belts he wore.**

**Soon they had to break apart in a realization that there just was no way to escape from their clothes so cleanly. Rinoa backed off the commanders lap working frantically to remove her shoes and undo the buttons of her blue high wasted mini skirt.**

**Removing the belts with one fierce pull, Squall leaned back on to the bed arching his back up to lift his hips up as he un dead the buttons of his dark pants and rolled them over his hips, while simultaneously attempted to kick off his shoes. Soon they were hardly anything left between them but distance. Squall let his eyes pour over her forbidden areas he wished to claim as his own, making him rise up on to his elbow and hold out his hand for to join him once more on the bed.**

**His lips, swollen from abuse, formed a sly smile as her hand took his trustingly and every doubt and hesitation of what they were about to do faded from both of them. He pulled her roughly down to him and quickly covered her with his muscular frame. **

**He couldn't help but thank to whatever was out there that had kept both of them alive during the second sorceress war. He never was a man to believe in fate or a higher being, but whatever was out there had kept safe during the terror of Ultimecia. He had to thank whatever was out there for choosing to keep them together and allow her to fall deeper into madness with him. —**

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><p>oooOOOooo<p>

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><p>The dream Squall was living in suddenly shattered when he suddenly dropped to his knees. He felt his hands burry themselves into a cold wet rough texture underneath him, but everything about him hurt beyond comparison that trying to place where he was at that moment became impossible. He couldn't help but spit out a disgusting mixture of sand and blood from his mouth as air seemed to reclaim his lungs for the first time in what felt like it had been forever.<p>

The body that was holding his fragile mind was shaking violently and not completely from just the pain. He felt like it was the first time he opened his eyes, but from the dry feeling he knew it wasn't true. He had awaken in midst of his a battle of wills and he was on the losing end. The world around him blurred together just as confused as his mind. Only to be further confused when he felt a violent connection with his gut.

The air was kicked out of him once more, as the violent force flipped him on to his back. Submitting to the pain, Squall did nothing but to react defensively, not understanding anything around him. He could feel a presence suddenly jump on top of him with a pair of small but capable hands clasping on to his neck. He braced himself against the attack, but the attacker was in a dire fight or die mentality. He tried to quickly place where he was put the roaring sound of waves was nothing familiar. He tried to quickly think back, back to the last memory that could give him an idea of how he came to be in the predicament. His mind instantly went back to the dream. Rinoa..

It suddenly clicked all into place. Rinoa's kiss was the last thing he remembered.

"Quis-!" He said alarmed in a chocking voice.

The hands quickly withdrew as did the heavy weight on his chest allowing his lungs to finally expand in agony- and again the need to cough the poisonous mixture and force it again from his mouth.

He rolled over leaning his head out of the way as he felt blood in his mouth from an inflamed cut or two mixed with saliva. He spit a few more times before finally coming to rest.

"Is it you?" Quistis's voice questioned readying to make good on the threat that was hinted in her voice should he suddenly attack her.

"Where am I?" He felt the world spin around and he couldn't see anything above him at first, but it was clear from the elements he was outside on the beach somewhere.

"How do I know it's really you?"

The question threw him as he slowly pulled his ravaged body from the ground and casted his poor eyesight sideways to see a figure close to him crouched in a defensive stance. While clearly fatigued after multiple rounds of combat, the fighting stance was to close to the style Quistis to be anyone else.

"I attacked you?" It was clear from the way she flinched at the words that he wouldn't need her to confirm the next thought that came to him. "I slipped-"

He could feel the heavy weight of Quistis exhausted body fall to the sand behind him. He looked out in to the darkness that surrounded him. The sensation that had eluded him before finally registered on his awakening brain. He was freezing. He wrapped his arms around himself wearing nothing but his uniform dress shirt that had been ripped open to expose the under shirt. The black pants were shredded against his boots and soaked in freezing water.

He rubbed his arms trying to regain the feeling his in body, feeling the sand drop off from his frame. Squall runs his hands through his lengthy hair, pulling on it as the flash backs started to sink into his consciousness.

"I'm going to lose everything." His words were not meant for anyone else to hear as Squall laid his exhausted head in his hands.

The weight of his words affect his counterpart as she shifted closer silently, but gave him the respect in not touching him as he came to grips with reality of what he couldn't hide. This was literally going to kill him.

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><p><strong><em><span> I'm sorry for such a long delay. See my "Author's profile" for updates now. This will be under update 1-13-12<span>_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**Of course just when you think there is no way you can get a chapter out, you become inspired. I hope the story makes sense. I know it jumps A LOT, so if something doesn't make sense, or you have questions, please comment or private message me. If you have questions, most likely others do as well! I am trying to learn to write, so any and all critiques are helpful. So the bold font will always be memories, or in this case, dreams of the past. It might jump a bit in time, but hopefully I will explain it enough that you understand what part of the story each section is occurring in. Thank you all for reading and thank you to my reviewers! I am not kidding… it makes my whole day when I see that someone commented on my story. It's been a crappy year so far for me personally, so thank you for cheering me up! I read them all! (even the french ones I get translated!)**_

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><p><em><strong>I do not own these characters. I just love them!<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 19<strong>_

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><p><strong><em><span>oooOOOooo<span>_**

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><p><strong>Just how many women have fantasized about seeing Squall Leonheart undressing before them? It probably never even registered on the Commanders mind how many women must fantasize about this exact scenario that is happening in front of Rinoa right now. It wouldn't shock her if he never registered ANY of the long wishful glances he received from the female population he came across on a daily basis. Honestly, Leonheart was obliviously unaware of his own physical attractiveness. He worked diligently to keep in the statuesque shape that made women trip over them selves for, but it was hardly for vanity or for reaping in the rewards of what good genetics would bring to him, but for the purpose of functionality in combat. Once most women recognize this, they realize they could never compete with his first love, and the heat the battle brought to him. Rinoa liked to think she was different. The dedication he surrenders too was his comfort and she never wanted to remove him from that. Rather she wish to be near him as nearly an alternative and support when the rare occasion he needed something that couldn't be found on a battle field or in any training manual.<strong>

**Squall's hands tugged at his belts, unleashing them from his fiercely cut out hips that raised suggestively off the bed in a furious battle to free himself of his clothing. Even a simple act as this, he made seem effortless and gracefully, unlike Rinoa who fumbled with her own boots as she peered up from heavy lashes to take him in. Maybe this wasn't the most romantic scenario. Hyne, this may not even be the best of ideas. After all there was so little they knew about each other. Like she didn't even know if this was his first time, or if he had been with many others. She didn't even know if he was willing to take this all the way, and if he did, would he want to use protection even though Edea had filled her in that children was not likely to be a possibility for her now that her body had shifted into something slightly other then human. She didn't know if he had ever wanted children in the future. If he did surely that would be a deal breaker, wouldn't it?**

**These thoughts made the pit in her stomach grow, but didn't deter her hands from their set course. Because while many discussions should have been discussed before getting to this point, in the same sense she felt that she knew more about this man in just the few months she had spent with him, then most of the men she had been in serious relationships for years with. **

**Squall was the type of man that would face the god of death in unwavering bravery for people he didn't even know. The truth was he would sacrifice his life for the greater good for others with hardly more then a second thought, proving to Rinoa he was much more then a mercenary with blood staining his hands. He had a soul, a purpose, a moral and ethically conscious that reframed what she thought SeeD was. He was someone she could put her life in his hands with unwavering trust. So why not give into the physical desire that had been plaguing her since she realized she had fallen for the rouge SeeD?**

**She watched as he willingly and urgently mirrored her own actions, as she slowly disrobed and stood awkwardly in front of him. She was almost to embarrassed meet his penetrating glare until her eyes betrayed her with their own curiosity and settled onto the form before her. Suddenly her own insecurities and thoughts disintegrated in seeing his body completely bare. It was just enough time for her to realize that she was witnessing certainly the hottest man in the world 's steel eyes trailing over every inch of her body. Slowly confirming that his very extremely hard and very hard to miss arousal was indeed for her. **

**Why was that so hard for her to believe? She wanted to laugh at herself for being nervous. Besides rushing into this and then only considered the consequences, this was so unlike her.**

**But it was hard to believe the image on the bed in the first place. It might have only been seconds that her eyes were allow to linger on him, but in that time her eyes memorized the deep valleys etched into his flexing stomach, as he propped himself to extend his hand out for her to join him. Missing was any concern of his own modesty. Then again, looking like that, why would he? Every muscle was purposely built to be defined clearly, but careful not to add bulk to his frame. It was why he was so fast. Once again that was demonstrated when she gave into him, and allowed him to pull her into his arms, feeling their skin colliding into each other grounding her into her surreal reality. He then swiftly pulled himself over her, pinning her to the bed with his lips.**

**She could feel **_**every inch**_** of him dragging across her lower stomach. It scattered her thoughts into intelligible babble, so when he finally broke away, she couldn't even protest him. Her almond eyes just starred back at the knight who was colored in the moon's pristine glory. **

**Heat rose in her chest when she realized that was exactly where the commander's eyes had fallen too. His lips moved, but no sound followed, so it took Rinoa a moment to put the correct word to the gesture.**

_**Wow**_**. That was the inaudible word that passed over his lips in secrecy.**

**A nervous, but ultimately pleased laugh broke from her, breaking the tension that was holding her back.**

"**Coming from you, commander…. That is a huge compliment." She beamed expecting him to get embarrassed or at lest try to shy away. **

**She wanted to break the knight who was standing so comfortably in front of her. After all, a little vulnerability would have been nice to prove that he was human, but if he had any nerves he was still refusing to show it. He made no apologies for his intrusive studying and for a moment she thought he hadn't even register the remark she had made.**

"**Is it?" He finally asked, as his hand finally found the courage to touch her breast, lightly squeezing it. The sensation alone brought her right back to her impure intentions from before. His hand held her so firmly with the rough calluses of his hands posing such a contrast to her soft flesh that it made shivers go right through her.**

"**Yes." She would have been embarrassed how close her answer came to a moan had she not already been completely consumed by the trail his fingers suddenly made up to her face. "Most ****definitely yes…" She answered once more with a little more control as she moistened her lips.**

**Slowly tracing her lips with his fingers before cupping the side of her face with his hand, he leaned his forehead against hers allowing his eyes to suddenly close in deep thought. That sudden and unexpected gesture made her jump in alarm fearing the worst. He was having seconds thoughts. But they were so close, and she was so not ready for him stop now. She was not willing to accept this without a fight. A fight she was sure as hell going to win against this protocol-worrying commander.**

"**I wonder what you'd say about the words that keep coming into my head..." His questioned painfully.**

**And suddenly, everything just stopped around her. Even the agonizing fast pace rhythm died in her chest.**

**Rinoa looked wide eyed at man who now refused to even look at her, but continued to hold himself tightly to her as reassuring rock establishing his place within her life. Her lips parted to say something about the monumental **_**almost**_** confession, but once again the man who could take her breath away proved himself once more. He seemed to retreat into his head, never expecting her to answer his question, and failed to actually utter the words the hung in between them. But why should she be surprised? Words didn't come easy to this man, and she was not going to force them out of him. He made his feelings known-albiet in Squall fashion. It was enough for her and also made the next part so very easy for her. **

**She snaked her arms out from her side and forced her fingers through his hair, not allowing the commander to hide any longer, and asserted her lips to his to show him the full extent of her hunger. Once she started, however, the escalation from soft kisses to deep sultry exchanges flowed into a domino affect. Her hands bravely dipped down finding his pulsating erection neatly folded in between them, and started to stroke him in long strides that matched their kisses.**

**While his lips had found themselves manipulating her ear- breathing his hot breaths into them- he suddenly caved from his mission as she wrapped her fingers tighter around him and continued to manipulate the loose skin up and down his shaft. His body tensed in pleasure, but he was determined not to be rushed by her. ****Squall's fingers quickly found their own hold on her breasts again, and started to knead. At first it was gentle, and in the same pattern as his body motioned on top of her, but quickly it increased in speed and firmness.**

**There was something erotic about a man's weight on top of a woman. Like the strong movements he made as he moved on top of her that was completely contrasted by him layering her skin in small sweet kisses that worked it's way down to her breasts. Or how his tongue rolled over her flesh inciting an arousal of her own to harden. All of it was intoxicating to Rinoa, and she wondered how she could have lived this long without it in her life. With out him. She couldn't imagine a world with out him in it.**

**The thought must have been clearly written on her face, because she looked down to see an amused smirk and one last heady look up from her knight. She braced for what she was sure to come next. He lowered his lips down on to her nipple and began to suck and manipulate it with his slick tongue. Her body writhe underneath him in pleasure as she clawed at his back to gain some leverage against him. ****Maybe she was an all-powerful Sorceress, but in the end she was a slave to this man's touch. He could rule over her so easily if it meant his fingers would caress her skin like it did now for all eternity.**

**Those fingers had a way of traveling down lower, and lower, until suddenly she felt them brush the heat between her legs lightly, making her lose herself once more to a loud moan. Again the inciter smiled, entranced with his newfound power of her. Not to be out done, she punished him with a light bite to his finely defined shoulder, which erupted a moan that caught in his chest. His head leaned back for a moment both enjoying the pain and cursing it. Simply said, Squall naturally like a little edge to his foreplay. With that bit of knowledge stored away in her memory banks for later, she dragged her teeth against his skin and then quickly covered the small marks with urgent kisses. **

**Squall retaliated to her move as his fingers quickly separated her folds, and slowly sunk deep within her making her arch up in surprise at the lack of control he was suddenly demonstrated. His fingers plunge deeper into her warmth each time, making Squall close his eyes and groan slightly. Clearly he was imagining what it would be like to be inside of her instead of his fingers. He wasn't the only one who had enough of waiting. **

"**Squall…" She said grinding her hips against his fingers, interrupting his thoughts. She was far too ready, and couldn't hold out much longer against his fingers slowly slipping in and out of her. She gripped him tighter rubbing him against her urging his cooperation. **

"**Please."**

**The steel eyes studied her, as his breath remained ragged from his own need. It was clear from his mixed expression that his mind was just as caught up in the moment and was desperately trying to figure which way was up. Whether or not it was a good idea to continue.**

"**I don't want to die tomorrow with any regrets." She looked deep into his eyes with her body still urging him with deep meaningful grinding motion. **

**It was like her words had finally penetrated the mind that always seemed far away and troubled. Granting it permission to giving in to what he needed- no what they needed… the security that they could only find in each other.**

**It happened so quickly that she hardly had time to brace for it, which lead to the audible gasp and the intense look of worry from her partner questioning his own assumptions of her experience. She quickly relaxed and offered him a smile meant to calm his fears that he hurt her. It was quite the opposite actually. For some reason she thought that maybe Squall would be timid at first but then again Squall was good at everything that was physical. This was just one more thing that he clearly had confidence in and for justified reasons. She spread her legs wider, allowing him to slowly push deeper into her. She wasn't a virgin, that was for sure, but it had been a while and the mere sight and sensation of him in her was overwhelming to her senses. She was sure she could practically cum from just the sight of him, but the slow and agonizing sinful passes in and out of her he made would secure it more quickly. **

**Rinoa could feel the desirable burn slowly take over lower nerves, as her breaths became increasingly short. However the usual path the sensation normally took was bypassed and started to spread to each an every part of her body. Her body felt like it was literally about to burst from the heat pooling in her. It was nearly painful and with him inciting every inch of body her there seemed to be no escape from it. She started grinding her hips harder into him looking for a way to break from the tension that was destroying her body in order to be released. She couldn't wait a second longer and suddenly her instincts took over. She pressed her fingers in to the flesh of his back, and felt the familiar wave flow through her and into his body gaining the release she so desperately needed. It was a different kind of release then the one she was teetering on the edge that was caused by him being inside her, but it was just as gratifying. It was just in a different way that made her relax and once more her nerves could feel every inch of him as he claimed her body.**

**Squall on the other hand, reacted sharply to the sudden transfer of power. Suddenly pulling himself up, he quickly pinned her hands away from him on the bed with so much aggression that fear washed over her... That was until she saw the absolute lust in his eyes. Rinoa couldn't help but be in awe at his reaction as he tried to combat the sensations that overrode his senses. Soon a confused, but slightly amused smirk came to his face, and he lowered himself down to her once more.**

"**I'm not sure I can get use to that." He conceded in a hushed tone, as he slowly started to push back into her, but this time the urgency was increasing his speed. **

**His lips suddenly held hers hostage; just like her hands. He only broke away for a moment to whisper into her ear, "I'm pretty sure this counts as possession. I can't control myself around you."**

**She smiled feeling his burning lips singe hers as she felt her body slowly about to surrender to the losing battle. He was too much, and with each intense thrust of his skin separating hers, she couldn't hold out any longer. She forced his lips away just long enough to speak her mind one last time. "Say the word, Squall, and I'll release you. I won't possess you against your will."**

**With those words she felt waves of pleasure crashing through her unmercifully. Not only her body was under siege, but her mind melt into his, experiencing the intense pleasure that came from his own mind. Right about then she was gratefully for the lips that held hers' silent, as he slowly pinned her down while pulsating deep inside her. **

**After a second or two of silently basking in his mind, she found the strength to pull back into her own head, and try to control the unusual shaking her body seemed to be experiencing. She wasn't sure how much of this was because of him, or the newfound powers of being a sorceress. One thing was for certain; sex had a few perks from the powers she had acquired against her will.**

**When his serene eyes finally meet hers once more, they completely open for her to read. He lovingly leaned down to lightly brush his lips over hers; leave a slightly salty taste on her lips. Squall's fingertips brushed her dampen hair away from her for head, as he studied every inch of her face in awe. **

**In that moment he looked like any other ordinary man holding on to someone he loved. Even for being the savior of the world, and now a sorceress's knight, it was clear that in the end he was a simple man looking for this connection. Someone to keep him grounded in the furious and fast pace life he lead. She wanted to be that for him so desperately that she prayed to Hyne to keep the universe from destroying what they have.**

**Rinoa ran her hands through his hair as she finished her silent prayer, and gazed up into his curious eyes. She knew then what she needed to say incase the world fell apart tomorrow. If she wanted to live without regret she had to get it out now, before she lost her nerve and the moment would pass her by. However, being still too afraid that even saying the three words aloud might insight the world to change against them, she mouthed it silently hoping it would be enough for him to understand. His eyes grew serious and fell deep into thought, before his hands cradled her face once more. Once again his lips buried into hers.**

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><p>oooOOOooo<p>

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><p>Rinoa's eyes opened abruptly as her hand clawed at the raging heart buried in her heaving chest. For a moment, she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom somewhere in between realities trying to sort out what was real, and what part was the dream. Finally she allowed the tears to fall freely from the brave face she had in place for her friends' benefit; after she watched the man she thought would always be in her life walk out the door.<p>

Now, with the eerily vivid dream freshly plaguing her mind, she was sure that even her mind was against her as well. It wanted to torture her with the painful memories of her past. There was just something so wrong in dreaming about the night of many firsts, that involved the man who just broke her heart. Her mind seemingly wanted her to hurt her as bad as he had. That left Rinoa in uncontrollable tears. She had fought hard over the past year to become a stronger, and more reliable person. Someone who Squall could be proud of, but now she gave herself permission to break down and revert to her old self. Just once more, before she had to face the world and be a person that could inspire. After all, the entire world didn't stop just because Squall had left her world, as her friends would constantly remind her. In part they were right, but at the same time Rinoa felt like she had become and empty shell following other's ambitions while waiting for something to just happen.

It seemed like she wasn't even her own person anymore. She had lost touch with who she really was when he had suddenly disappeared into Esthar's streets.

That truth sent more tears down her face. She muffled the sobs with her hands from being over heard by the others whom she shared the over sized mansion with. Squall Leonheart was not going to break her spirit. As much as her heart was his, she had to find a way to burry this grief in something else or be consumed whole by it. The answers he gave were the right ones for her to know he was serious about moving on, but a part of her knew deep down that those answers weren't the whole truth for why he was so desperate to leave. But letting him walk was the right thing to do.

After all, she had told him to say the word, and she would release him. So with tears painfully streaking her cheeks, she promised to no longer possess him against his will.

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><p><em><strong>This is dedicated to Coco. Soul mates come in many forms and she was for sure my soul puppy.<strong>_


	20. Chapter 20

These are not my characters! I just love them!

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><p>Chapter 20<p>

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><p>oooOOOooo<p>

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><p>The car ride back to Balamb Garden had been a silent one, and for that Quistis would be forever grateful. Her mind was still on edge from the hours of fighting against an insane mind hell bent on destroying her and anyone who would stand in its way. It was a frightfully similar to the mad man she once fought under Ultimecia's control, and it left her beyond physically and emotionally drained. The erratic thought process, the death defying will for survival, and hallowed glare was the same as Seifer.<p>

Even though Squall had told her about Seifer's possession, she still had a hard time accepting the truth of it, even while consume by him physically as she was just a few hours ago. A small part of her mind felt it was easier- safer- to just leave some doubt to the story. But now seeing someone she admire fall from grace, afflicted by the same terror, it brought the reality to her in a way she could no longer deny. It also brought fear to her. The insanity was intense and it's host- Squall- was powerful. Quistis could tell that Squall hadn't been completely lost, as his actions constantly conflicted with each other in a large unseen battle of wills. Had he really lost it, there would be no way to know if she would be sitting here right now. Quistis never thought she would have to be afraid of and fear her student like this. Even now, silently siting in the car with his hand placed over his lips in deep contemplation, she could see his mind was still tearing it's self apart.

There was not a damn thing she could do. No words could mean anything to him anymore. Not until there was some way to seal Rinoa's powers from robbing them of their leader.

The Garden was mostly asleep as she escorted the Commander through the main entrance. There would be no way to explain their haggard appearance or the large bruises that covered their bodies.

"Commander Leonhear-" The stern voice dropped off as Quistis turned around, alarmed by the sudden presence.

She was allowed to breath a sigh of relief seeing Xu, who was the only person aware of Squall's predicament other then Cid and her self, walking up to them with an indifferent stare. Internally Quistis knew Xu had to be alarmed by the sight of them covered in scrapes and bruises.

"Do we have a situation?" Xu questioned neutrally, but there was no missing the defensive position she shifted into.

"The situation has been contained… for now. Though the Commander is feeling ill and should see Dr. Kadowaki-"

"-I'm afraid there is no time for that." Xu interrupted.

"Good, cause I don't have time for it." Squall shook his head trying to regain his balance on his own.

"Squall-!" Quistis hissed pulling him back.

"My mission is in a few hours," Squall said making Quistis shoot daggers at him, "I need to sleep-"

"No sleep either. Cid has been awaiting your arrival and has request your immediate presence."Xu reverted to the formal stance, with her legs spread shoulder with, and her hands clasped behind her back.

"I'm sure there is time for that later-" Quistis tried to walk away from Xu, but quickly was met with resistance.

"No, there's not." Xu stated with an underlining seriousness to her voice that made both the Commander and Quistis had happened, and clearly it was bad enough that even getting Squall checked over had to wait. Quistis gave a short reluctant nod, and worked to re-brace the exhausted commander on her arm.

Together they followed Xu silently through the administrator wing to the large doors that had some of the highest rank SeeDs flanking the outside. With one nod from Xu, they opened the doors without even acknowledging the presence of the war torn party being escorted through.

Cid sat at his large mahogany desk, with his mouth covered by the palm of his hand, staring bleakly up at the screen in front of him. It was clear from his disheveled appearance that he had been siting at his desk all night. The large dark circles under his eyes accented the gold-framed reading glasses and the bleak expression on his face did not alter once they entered in the room. It took Quistis a few seconds to also see Selphie standing in the room. Her eyes, redden from the lack of sleep, grew at the sight of the Commander and herself walking arm in arm. It must have been a sight, that was for sure, because Selphie's eyes fell straight down to the floor and refused to even acknowledge them further. Quistis thought about retreating from the awkward way she was holding Squall up. But then again, if she had she was sure he would fall to his knees, and that would be harder to explain then the intimate pose they were in now.

"Sit." Cid ordered as the doors closed and locked behind them. Nothing was more welcomed at this point then their own chairs. Her body cried out for the rest that would yet again be delayed. Her body was aching from head to toe and she really wished for a cure or two before they started this impromptu meeting, but that wasn't likely to happen either. The voice that ordered them seemed distraught, and angry, so she knew that this was serious. She braced herself for whatever would follow next.

Cid turned around his computer screen that he had been studying for the last few hours, and waiting for a reaction. Quistis squinted to see the images that were up for all to see, and immediately her heart sunk. She started to shake her head in disbelief as Squall feigned a glance, but it was clear from his neutral reaction that his vision was too impaired. He couldn't see the images caught with a telephoto lens. Hyne, Quistis wish the situation were reversed at this moment, because the image in question was of them on the beach in a very compromised position. While grainy and discolored from the darkness, it was still too clear to be left with any doubt that two figures were them. It must've been taken from the beginning of their fight because unfortunately they were not fighting, that would be much easier to explain, instead Squall had her pinned down with his face nearly on top of hers. It looked like a moment of passion and far from the life and death battle that it was.

"Can you explain this please?" Cid's ire was not missing.

"Those images are not what they seem-" Quistis started.

"Images?" Squall questioned alarmed, but Quistis quickly covered for him knowing he probably didn't see Selphie on his way in.

"We were of us _sparing_ this morning-" Quistis clarified.

Wasn't it obvious from the way they looked? Her eyes went to Selphie who's eyes remained on the floor holding her breath. This wasn't going well, and Quistis knew it.

"Where did they come from?" Quistis asked hoping that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

Cid looked over to Selphie who finally let out the breath she had been holding in ever since first seeing them enter.

"They were posted on the garden festival forum chat. While the Ip says it's wasn't uploaded in Garden, I have 10 students who had checked out in order to stay in timber with family and friends. I assume one of them had taken it and uploaded it in town."

"Then it won't be hard to find out who posted this?" Cid eyed her.

"No sir. I can have an answer within the hour." Selphie said meekly.

"Have these images been pulled?" Quistis asked, but with the lengthy delay in a response made her aware that they hadn't gotten lucky.

"This image was sent to me by five different newspaper agency. Maybe more now…. I've failed to check my email since discovering this. All of them are asking for comments on our Commanders love life." Cid normally a gentle and calm man teetered on the edge of shouting. "Tilmitt, I have given you a lot of reign with this website and you have let me down. May I remind you this is more then a school for children. This is also a business that relies on their staff's reputation and security for contracts. You are solely responsible for this mess and you better get us out of this."

Selphie stared up at the headmaster with a defeated face. "Yes sir. I will take down the website and punish those involved-"

"I want to see those individual myself." Cid interrupted her. "You can call the papers."

Selphie took a second to swallow his anger "What should I give as a comment?"

"The same as always. We do not comment on personal affairs of our staff nor on public events. Nothing more and nothing less, understand Tilmitt?"

"Yes, sir." She nodded waiting for her dismissal that was delayed.

"As for you two…" Cid's furry finally remembered the other two of his staff members sitting in front of them. "Sparring?"

He gave them one look over before letting out a frustrated sigh. Quistis squinted with confusion at the note of skepticism in his voice. Cid knew there was nothing like this between them. So what was the undertone suggestion about?

"Sparing is to be left to garden grounds. It's a rule for more then just the students. It applies to everyone. Perhaps the rules have been to lax around here since the last Sorceress war."

Quistis finally looked down in shame but Squall stood motionless as a rock, as if this chastising had nothing to do with him.

"If there is something going on between the two of you that is not for the outside world to witness. Keep it within private walls, understand?"

Quistis looked up at Cid confused by the insane accusation he suddenly was throwing out there. Wasn't the sparring story a good enough cover? Her eyes floated to Selphie who seemed shell shock by her headmaster's firm words. This wasn't part of the plan. What was Cid thinking?

"I understand Sir." Squall confirmed when Quistis failed too. "These infractions will not occur again."

"Leave Tilmitt." Cid ordered staring at the two of them.

Selphie sprung to life desperately wanting to leave the awkwardness in the room. Quistis wanted to leave right a long with her. She had no idea what Selphie thought had happened at this point, but sure enough this was going to spread to the others before they would even have a chance to say anything. Once the door slammed close behind them Cid let out a long breath and crumpled in his chair.

"How bad is this?" Squall questioned quietly.

"It looks like you two are practically ripping each others clothes off on the beach." Cid said understanding Squall's vision trouble. The harshness in his voice was completely gone and was now only with soft concern. "The news papers are linking you two together. I suppose it could be worst."

Quistis voice finally caught up to her mind that was working on overload.

"Sir, I understand that protocol is to never comment on gossip, or even the truth for a matter, but is this story really beneficial?"

"Quistis, as uncomfortable as this is for you it's better the papers think you were in the throws of a romance then our Commander through a violent rage against his comrades."

He was right, of course, but there were a few other people that were also going to be witnessing this mess with hurt feelings. One of those people had to remain anonymous.

"I understand that, but there is the matter of Rinoa." Quistis looked over to Squall.

The silence in the room grew and it was apparent that Squall was refusing to speak on the matter.

"It's a bad situation." Cid admitted. "But this is beneficial to her as well."

Quistis eyes grew wide.

"Perhaps this will help give her some answers and ease the separation. Politically it's the best move for her. She's not involved romantically with her knight like the other sorceress before her. A change is good-"

"I can't believe we are discussing it like this." That comment was supposed to remain in her own head but the overwhelming stress was taking its toll.

"I agree. It's crude. While I am fond of the Sorceress, and Garden will forever stand behind her, she is not my main concern." He clarified putting them back on topic. "What really happened out there?"

"I slipped." Squall stated completely in his own world.

Cid took in a big breath trying to keep his own fears and concern in check. "How did this happen? How did the two of you end up on the beach? I thought you were here in Garden, Squall-"

"Quistis should be relieved from any punishment. I was the one who took doctor Kadowki's car and appeared at Mayor's hill." Squall stated emotionlessly.

"Son, why would you do this to yourself?" Cid asked bewildered.

There was a moment of pause as Squall seemed to become tense.

"I wanted to speak to her." He struggled with the words feeling uncomfortable with their meaning. "Closure…"

Cid looked up at the ceiling and leaned back shutting his eyes.

"Well I think you have achieved that with her." Cid said frustrated.

"Not just for her. For me as well." Squall stated fixating his site on Cid's desk. "I needed the closure."

Cid stood there for a moment looking at his lost son in silence. Quistis could see the stress the topic was putting on Squall's fragile mind and quickly diverted the conversation. "I saw that there was an issue. One I would like to talk to you privately about later sir, if that is alright?"

"Thats not part of the deal." Squall's temper flared. "Do not keep me in the dark about any of this! I want to know what I did and what I'm capable of!"

The room filled once more with an awkward silence, but at Cid's urging nod, she fell into submission.

"Leonheart became agitated and started to slip in and out of competency. He asked me to be an ally in his imaginary war and when I wouldn't submit to his delusions… things turned violent."

"What delusions Quistis?" Squall picked up on the part she was trying to gloss over.

She drew in a painful breath and looked down, "You wanted to return to Garden and kill Cid."

Her words hung in the air, but no one looked more affected by them then Squall. His face was completely drained of color and his eyes fell to the floor.

"He had delusions that you were keeping them apart against his will. He was trying to make good on his threat sir." Quistis dutifully reported.

Cid took the words in stride, but it was clear that everyone understood that if Squall wanted too, he would surely accomplish his goal.

"This is insane…"

The voice was from Squall as he balled his fist in anger. "I'm threatening the people I care about. Do you hear this Cid? Now I'm after you! How can you trust me walking down your hallways? Why won't you let me resign?"

"Squall it changes nothing." Cid stated trying to keep his own concerns at bay. "There is no where safer then here for you. We can control you IF you understand your exposure to Heartilly must be restricted."

"The drugs can only do so much Cid. I can't avoid her for the rest of my life in this position. We will run into each other-"

"Son, I have already made grave mistakes concerning someone that was in the same position as you are in now."

Quistis felt her heart stop. She let her eyes fall to the side knowing whom they were discussing.

"I will not abandon another one of my children like that. I will not repeat the mistakes of the past." He Cid as tears came to his eyes.

Squall fell back into his own silent world leaving Cid to compose himself.

"There is one more thing." Cid said strained. "Early this morning I received a fax wishing us to turn over our contract for Mrs. Heartilly to Trabia Garden-"

"What?" Squall's voice growled in his chest.

"It was requested by her, Squall. I think it's for the best too." Cid said tensing his jaw in reflection.

Squall didn't refute him, but she could see the anger storming behind his eyes.

"Trabia is just as qualified." Quistis tried to console him, but those eyes turned against her in an instance.

"My mission starts in a few hours. I want to sleep." Squall demanded in a growl.

"Squall-" Cid interjected receiving Squall's furious stare. "You can't fight."

The truth seemed to settle on Squall's mind, but he wasn't backing down. "I'm going. I'll be on the Ragnarock the whole damn time, I don't care… but I can't stay here. Not this close to her."

Cid looked painfully to his hurting son and gave a small nod reluctantly. "You must see Dr. Kadowaki once your back. I need a full physical work up on your -"

This confused Quistis and the look suddenly made Cid's voice faltered. She knew they were collecting data for Dr. Odine but a full physical work up was new.

"Just a precaution." Cid assured her. "I'm just overly protective of my family."

Squall rolled his eyes and prompted Quistis to help him up. It took her a moment to find her bearings, but she was just as relieved to leave this office as Selphie had been. However she knew she was walking into a new firestorm. Garden already knew of the photos and the speculation will run rampant. It was only a matter of time before the rest of the world would catch up on their make believe scandal, and there were two people in this world who were about to get a shock of a life time.

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><p><strong><em><span>Thanks for reading!<span>_**


	21. Chapter 21

I do not own FF8 or these characters, but I can still dream, right?

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><p>Chapter 21<p>

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><p>oooOOOooo<p>

He had slept in this bed for well over a week, but every time he opened his eyes he still felt disoriented by the fact that it was familiar. Since the ending days of his insane romantic dream, he had woken up in different place- not typical a warm bed like this one- as he moved from place to place in order to stay alive. Even with the flimsy order of protection from the Gardens, there were many who sought his death. For a while he wondered if he would welcome it.

Seifer never found any of the attempts on his life of worthy of his death. He always thought he would go out in the heat of some great battle where he would forever become a legend, so when facing a few drunk men who's drinks inspired their "courage" to rid of the world of him, he fought back. Maybe at that time he wasn't really ready to let go of the tarnish life Ultimecia had left behind for him. As much as he wanted to convince others that he had changed since then, the truth was he really hadn't. He still craved a victory; that victory just didn't involve being anyone else's puppet. He still hungered for the world to remember him for more then just the Man who lost his mind and picked the wrong team. He wanted to become a legend, a legend the children enrolled at Garden would look up to in awe and emulate. Only after that, would death be truly welcomed.

Granted, his idea of victory was not involving babysitting a certain raven hair Sorceress either, but here he was, sleeping in her guest bedroom.

Seifer walked into the kitchen with the first thing greeting him was the smell of coffee, which was abnormal since the only other person who normally abused the coffee wouldn't be found out of bed until ten.

That's right. He is accusing Timber's newly elected mayor of faking early morning meetings just so she could sleep in. Leaving Seifer to wonder, who the hell would elect her?

Sure enough, standing next to the kitchen island stood said fair sorceress looking like utter crap. Wearing a light pink cotton robe tightly wound around her this waist, with her raven hair messily pulled up in a disorganized bun. In her hand she held a white coffee mug that appeared to be filled with the last cup of coffee before another pot would be need to made. Seifer walked by snatching it from her grasp making her jump as she only now realized his presence.

"Just what I need." He mocked sipping the nearly cold brew as he passed her on the way to the fridge.

"I hope you know I just spitted in that." Her voice stated in a foul mood.

He turned and gave her a once over, enjoying the bitter glare he was received from his former flame. He couldn't help but crack a smile and lifted the mug to his lips once more. "Well your spit hadn't done much to me in the past..."

Yes, that garnered the reaction he was waiting for. With a roll of the eyes, she shook her head, and headed towards the coffee pot. At lest his next cup would be hot.

"Fine." She said pulling the glass pot out with a forceful jerk. "Just one more thing you're freeloading off of me. Seriously, I should just kick you out."

He so enjoyed when she was feisty. He swung the door to the fridge open to find whatever was edible in the mansion where nobody seemed to cook, and was grateful when he found bagels that had seemed to be purchased within the last few days.

"Hey, I was just fine living in that tent out in the back yard." He reminded her from inside her fridge.

"Right, just the kind of press I need. A psychotic ex-knight stalking me outside of my residence looking for a new romantic dream." She muttered as he slammed the door close behind him

"And if they only knew we had that romantic dream in the past.." He feigned a dreamy look that made Rinoa scowled.

"Right, because the public doesn't have enough reasons to fear from me already." Her eyes refused to leave the coffee pot filling with water in her hands. "If they had any idea I had once been linked romantically to Edea's lap dog, I would be sent on a one way ticket to space. Trust me, Watts reminds me of that every chance he gets."

"Hey as I told you when I got here, that secret can stay safe between us and Garden if you let me do what I'm paid to do."

"Tell me again, why would my father of all people hire you to protect me? Huh? Not only did you single handedly took over his army, but you are the most despised person in the world, not to mentioned you tried to kill me? Remember?" Her hand slam down on the faucet cutting off the water and turned around her eyes trying to get a read on him.

He looked at her smugly pulling out a bagel from the bag and took large defiant bite out of it as her answer. She shook her head and went to start the next pot of coffee. With her back to him, she continued to wear down his patience.

"I already have SeeD watching over me. There's nothing you could possible offer me in terms of protection. So why not just take my father's money and run with it? He would never know." She said placing the empty glass pot under for collection.

"Do you think your father is stupid enough to give me all the money up front?" He said with his mouth full. "I want the rest of it."

"What does he owe you?" She asked dead serious. Seifer ignored the obvious anger attempting to hide in her voice. "I'll double it to get you out."

"What's the rush?" He mocked with a sneer. "Here I have a warm place to sleep, with free food, and a paycheck waiting at the end of this. You think just because you have your commanding boyfriend- Oh right ex-boyfriend…"He waited for a reaction and when he didn't get the desired exploding temper he kept going. "That's the kind of protection you want? Face it, your father picked me because the whole world is against me and STILL can't kill me off. I'm a fighter, a survivor, and his money can buy me. I'm sure there is a bit of double benefits for him being that the world will question my presence around you, but that only will help him won't it?"

He could see her eyes harden slightly as she watched the black liquid pile into the coffee pot below. The rage tightened her jaw, making him smile knowing he could still get a rise out of her when he wanted too. Also was probably the very reason why they didn't last. They both had fire and were passionate to the point of exploding when near each other.

"Face it Rinoa. I might be the only one here who is actually looking out for you. Hell your father doesn't want any SeeD to do it and I don't blame him either. If I were him, I wouldn't trust your knight either seeing he personally assigned his grunts to do his work for him. Face it, you need me."

That was when he saw the seismic shift happen. Her eyes flickered to him, burning him with her stare. Damn, he hoped he made people feel this way when his anger turned on them. Then she did the unexpected, which ultimately made him uncomfortable. He was ready to take her on and take the brunt of her anger. He preferred that she lash out all that anger at him instead of keeping it inside all the time, but instead she turned her back to reach up and grab a new coffee cup to pour her a glass.

"You're right about some of that." She said quietly filling her mug. "That's why I had our contract forward to Trabia Garden."

The bagel he was working on suddenly got caught in his throat.

"You did wha-?" He said spitting half his bagel in the process and managed to recover before dropping his cold coffee all over the floor.

"As you said, his attention is somewhere else. He came over last night, and it was clear that some exes just can't work together." She said her eyes never looking up at him. "Trabia Garden has just rebuilt and is just as qualified to full fill the contract now."

"I'm sure they were just chomping at the bit for what that remodel cost them-" Seifer was now the one who irritated beyond belief. He walked towards her his eyes on the fresh coffee. "Aren't you just the love them, and leave the type."

Rinoa seeing his desired path quickly pulled the coffee pot over the sinking, draining it's contents out slowly.

Seifer laughed taking the direct slam in stride, watching the wasted valuable commodity circle the drain. "Com'on, don't get pissy at me, because you tend to pick assholes for lovers."

She gave a half toxic grin before setting the pot in the sink and stormed out of the kitchen.

The moment she walked out of the swinging doors his attitude soured along with his smile. This was an unaccounted deviation from the plan and of course he was the last person to fucking know about the Commanders unexpected appearance last night. He was being kept out of the loop of things again. He was about to dig out the cell from his pocket when he suddenly heard the sound of glass shattering in the next room.

Instantly, he shifted into action flying into the room searching for the unseen assailant when he slowly realized she was standing in front of the table staring down at her laptop. Seeing absolutely no threat other then Rinoa's own clumsiness, he quickly turned his anger onto her.

"For Hynes sake Rinoa!" Seifer barked rushing over. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He tried to push her away from the scalding mess, but when she refused to move away he looked up at the laptop in front of her suddenly forgetting himself in the process.

"What the fuck?" He said pushing her out of his way for good this time, and adjusted the monitor for his height.

The widow opened in Rinoa's email was a message sent from Timber mechanics requesting a comment for a photo posted on Garden's Web forum. A grainy black and white photo was then visible, where he could see puberty boy in full throws of passion, which was enough to make anyone sick on their own, but seeing Quistis lying underneath him only centimeters away from his face made him want to hurl.

"Huh." The words lacked his normal confidence. "Looks like he moved on fast."

He wanted to tear his own eyes away from how he was pinning her into the sand holding her hands down. Seeing his lithe body taking over his position with Quistis made him want to throw the laptop at the awfully tacky decor hanging on the wall in front of him. Instead his mind pressed on, studying the picture for answers that had to be hidden somewhere in it to why such a picture exists.

Rinoa suddenly remembered how to move and silently walked away shell shock.

"Hey aren't you gonna clean this up?" He called out to her, but lacked the motivation to really sound sincerely callous.

This must be running in all the papers now. Of course the cock-sucker who wrote this email already tried to get a comment for this news break from Balamb Garden and received their standard no comment answer. He scrolled down letting his eyes skim the letter that followed with a barrage of personal questions that no one in their right minds would answer.

The world was too fucking absorbed into these SeeDs and Sorceress that saved their world now. In their minds, everything they did was now fair game to report on, and any hope for privacy was lost. Journalist like this one ripped peoples lives apart over gossip. He would know, as this particular news reporter had personally shred Seifer apart after Ultimecia. Rodger R. McClain. When that bloody bastard didn't have the facts, he had no problem drugging up "reliable sources" to give false testimonies. He was the scourge of the earth that would go to any lengths that would sell newspapers. This "news man" had been itching for Seifer's blood ever since the end of Ultimecia, and had run several issues about him ever since he started staying in Timber.

Seifer's hands quickly took to her keyboard, and with a quickly few strokes of the keyboard he sent off a letter with a few choice words, and his phone number attached to it. It took a minute after that for Seifer to leave the computer screen that still held the unholy image, still burning itself onto the screen.

Outside the claustrophobic mansion, he felt like he finally had room to breath. The air had a bit of a chill in it still, as the sun was just starting to rise to start warming the ground he walked on. He let his finger hit the only number in his speed dial, and waited as the phone on the other end continued to ring endlessly, until it finally rolled over to voicemail.

"Leave a message." The prerecorded voice muttered making Seifer grind down on his teeth in irritation.

He hit the speed dial once more, but this time it snapped right over to the voicemail. Now the fucker was just messing with him. He pounded on the speed dial a few more times until finally the other side decided to pick up.

"What?" The voice attempted to sound angry, but in it's exhausted state it was muddled frustration at best.

"You're really fucking this up, ya know that?" He said trying to keep his own anger in check. The last thing he needed was anyone to over hear this phone call. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't have tim-"

"You better make time!" Seifer growled in to the phone. "We've got a problem! She transferred over the contract-"

There was a long sigh on the other end and a painfully weak voice cut through the anger, "-I already know."

"Well thanks for the fucking heads up!" Seifer said his eyes scanning the mature wooded area for life. "She really liked the pictures by the way. Why don't you just fucking shoot her and get it over with."

The voice had disappeared from the other side of the phone making his grip on the phone that much tighter.

"What the fuck am I suppose to do over here? When I told you about the threat on her life you said you wanted Balamb to take over, and now you go and fucked yourself over? What's the game plan now, huh?"

"I don't know." Said the tentative voice.

Seifer scoffed. "That coming from the commander of SeeD? Well shit- there goes their reputation…"

"I'll call you back when we regroup. You volunteered for this, Seifer. You can drop out at anytime."

"Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't ya?" Seifer mustered a laugh, under the heavy breath of cold air he took into his lungs.

"Squall…" His voice followed up more serious then he had ever been in his entire life. "Stay away from Rinoa. You remember Dr. Odine's lab right?"

Again the pause made Seifer wonder if this failure of a commander was even awake on the other end, but after a long pregnant pause a muffled sound in the affirmative came through.

Seifer looked up through the tree's seeing the grey sky finally hinting a dash of blue through its low cloud cover.

"Tell Quistis the shots got her good side." And with that he hung up the phone and slipped it back into his pocket.

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><p>oooOOOooo<p>

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><p><strong>The days bled together as he spent time in his sire's home trying to repair his brittle mind that seemed to have too many cracks to fill. Squall's vision had returned to him rather quickly, but from what he gathered from the long and detailed account Seifer had given to Dr. Odine, the longer he was exposed to a Sorceress power, the more devastating the effects would become. Squall moved through the Estharian mansion like a body missing its soul. He watched the people around him make hard decisions about his life, ones he probably would have liked to been involved in, but he couldn't help feeling like he had died and was merely listening into the world continuing on without him. A part of him wondered if he had died in the battle with Ultimecia, because this surely had to be some hell he'd fallen into. Perhaps retribution for all the lives he had encountered and ended with little thought.<strong>

**He was walked into a room that was a make shift laboratory for Dr. Odine. Kyros, Ward, and Laguna sat quietly talking amongst themselves in one corner, and Cid hugged the wall with a troubled smile plastered to his face in another. Seifer sat uncomfortably in a metal chair with his elbows on his knees, and a single hand propping his head up. He could have been a statue for how still he remained, completely loss in his own mind that he didn't even notice his arrival. Squall wondered if that is what he looked liked to the outside world, now. The indifference of living or dying was obvious on Seifer's face.**

"**We iz ready to begin!" Dr. Odine from a door that had opened to a smaller room.**

**It was clear from the bland tope color on the wall, and rich cherry wood trim surrounding this room, that it had once been a conference room cleared out to make way for Dr. Odine. Once further inside the room, Squall saw it had been filled with medical equipment ranging from monitors, to examining tables, to two treadmills that were lined up side by side with various machines next to it already being calibrated by two nurses dressed in white scrubs. The small man begged for them all to squeeze into the small room, and forced the two Knights towards the examining tables, where a tray of needles awaited with needles and empty vials. **

**Suddenly Squall saw a familiar face enter the room behind them. Even though her smile strained at the sight of how ravaged he had become, she forced herself to remain in a neutral tone.**

"**Commander Leonheart." Dr. Kadowaki greeted with a solemn sigh. "I wish I could greet you under better circumstances."**

**Squall looked at Cid who jumped to life. "She is here under Garden's behalf to supervise all treatments. You didn't think SeeD would just hand over one of their own with no conditions, did you?"**

**Truthfully he hadn't been sure about that.**

"**That's just great, more of Squally boy's fan club taking up space." Seifer griped, pushing through Squall with his shoulder. **

"**Seifer Alsmey, if I don't live and breath-" Dr. Kadowaki allowed her voice to lose it's neutrality.**

"**Don't pretend you missed me, Doc." He warned.**

"**I don't miss the people you put into my infirmary, Alsmey. But I can't pretend that I am not glad to see you well, knowing the circumstance that brought you here." Her full face asserted. "I'll be over seeing your health care as well."**

**A skeptical smile cracked of Seifer's lips. "I can't afford you Doc."**

"**You won't have too." Cid stated.**

**Seifer turned to Cid for a moment with a look in his eye that brought Squall back to their encounter, back when Seifer was under the control of Ultimecia. His look now was the same look of hatred that had shown in his eyes back then. The scar of Balamb Garden turning their back on him ran deep.**

"**I don't want SeeD's fucking gil." He hissed.**

"**It's not SeeD." Cid clarified. "Not that I wouldn't have pushed through the conflict of interest to do that for you, but an anonymous donor-"**

"**Not so Anonymous." Laguna corrected clearing the air before the questions could arise. **

**Cid conceded with a bit of a tense look. "- is picking up your care."**

**Everyone's attention fell to Laguna including Kyros. Apparently even his right hand man was left out in the dark on this one. Seifer evaluated the President for a moment as Kyros shot Laguna a hesitant glance.**

"**You?" Seifer's eyebrow raised scanning Laguna. "And why would you do that for me?"**

**The same question had entered Squall's mind, even though this whole situation had nothing to do with him.**

"**Whether it was your intention, or not, you saved us from another Knight creating havoc in already stressed times. Esthar is in your debt."**

"**And the fact that the deranged knight would've been your kid had nothing to do with it?" Seifer mocked pleased to get under the skin of all around.**

**Squall pierced Seifer a glance that warning him that his tolerance for this topic wouldn't be allowed to be breached any further. Laguna shifted his weight to one leg and looked down. "I can't pretend that I don't feel personally indebted for that as well, but as it stands now, it's Esthar's commitment and not my own."**

"**Huh." Seifer stated suddenly feeling bored with the conversation.**

"**Enough! Itz waiting time." Dr. Odine said from a computer.**

**The group refocused back to the medical equipment before them and Squall quickly saw the examining table that was being designated to him by a nurse doing her best to hold her fragile smile in place.**

"**Please take a seat commander." She nervously smiled.**

**Squall hated doctors, and not surprising, he hated being placed under a microscope like this. He knew he was nothing more then a test subject for Dr. Odine in his pursuit in better understanding Rinoa; which in it's self troubled him. This Doctor lacked moral ethics and knew no boundaries when it came to getting what he wanted; leaving the concern of what he would do with the information once he obtained it. Squall knew his personal troubles, or whatever outcome they caused, wouldn't matter to Dr. Odine. It all would be data to go into this little black book for research. There was little choice in the matter, but to allow it, being this doctor may be the only person who would have any insight into his predicament, and may hold the only key to keep this plague from ravishing his mind. If he needed to become a rat, then so be it. Still that didn't explain the reason why Seifer was volunteering himself in this little experiment. **

**Seifer casually rolled up his borrowed loose fitting white shirt, and effortlessly offered his arm to the blonde nurse who flirted shamelessly with him. Squall begrudgingly followed suit, but with much more unease.**

"**Just a little poke." His nurse, a brunette with thin mousey brown hair brushed smoothly out of her face, cleaned the area of his skin with alcohol. Nothing about her features stood out, making her completely forgettable. Ironically enough, in his eyes that made him watch her a little more closely. In his line of work, that kind of look was of value as she could easily slip in and out of a scene where witnesses would be present. He must have tensed because her murky green eyes flashed up to him once more and she offered a thin smile. "This is the only painful part-"**

"**-For today maybe." Seifer said nearly molesting the blonde nurse with his eyes, as she quickly withdrew another vial of blood from his vein.**

**Squall felt a quick pinch and slowly his own blood started to flow out of him.**

"**Today we juzt note the condition your in nowz. In da future you will come to mez for more recording." Dr. Odine said holding a long metal object that had white metal ball on the end of it. The lights started to flash as he started to roll the transducer over Seifer's skin. **

"**Watch it." Seifer warned sharply, but the Dr. Seemed too into his own findings to even note the objection of his patient. **

**The lights at time would flicker yellow, but for the most part, it had remained green. Which must have been a passing grade, as the Doctor seemed genuinely disappointed.**

**Soon the odd machine started to near Squall when suddenly, without even touching his skin, the lights started to flash red. Dr. Odine's eyes lit up and stared at Squall in a mixture of awe and confusion. Trepidation sunk its claws once more into Squall. Flashing red lights was never good sign, in any situation.**

"**There! All done." Squall's nurse said sweetly, as she removed the needle to place a cotton ball over the drop of blood that appeared in its place. "Do you feel light headed?"**

"**No." Squall looked over to Seifer who hesitated near the two treadmills.**

"**Nowz we ztrap you up to the heart monitor and we will tezt the ztrezz on your body through cardio." Dr. Odine said opening his black book to record his findings.**

**Squall rolled his eyes as his hand held steady pressure against the cotton ball. Granted it had been a while since Squall had a proper work out that didn't include unconscious fighting that resulted in ripping apart rooms, but he wasn't sure how stead he was on own two feet. The need for an outlet to relieve the overwhelming stress would've been welcomed had it been under different circumstances and without so many witnesses.**

**The nurses linked blood pressure cuffs around Seifer and Squall's arm and placed heart monitor tags on various spots on their body.**

"**You will feel the cuff periodically go off, giving your arm a squeeze. Try to keep your arm straight as possible for the best result." The blonde nurse smiled sweetly to Seifer who returned the gesture with a half smile that made Squall sick. Even with a legacy like his, women seemed to flaunt themselves. That was baffling. He couldn't even imagine the kind of woman who would shamelessly pursue such an asshole.**

**When the last sensor was put into place, they both climbed up on the treadmill. Noticeably absent was the smirk on Seifer's face and was replaced by anger.**

"**This is stupid. I don't need to do this with an audience." Seifer echoed Squall's sentiments exactly**

"**Are you afraid of not keeping up?" Squall asked unable to resist the ability to take the opening. There were a million more important things Squall needed to do right and the urge to get it over with made him hit the button starting the preset course. He started to jog slightly as the count down from ten miles started to move the belt underneath his feet.**

**Seifer still failed to take the bait, and looked at Cid. **

"**You said you were willing." Cid reminded him returning the Ex-Knights long glance.**

**Dr. Odine was less interested in playing into Seifer's tantrums, and hit the start button for him, lurching the giant forward making him stumble at the sudden movement.**

"**Have you been skipping your workouts?" Squall said between the even paced breaths. It was odd for him to be the one to antagonize, but something about his self-righteousness attitude was getting under his skin more then usual. No one has forced him into this, and he could walk away from this at any point. Squall on the other hand didn't have the same luxury.**

**Squall watched the timer tick down and the resistances rise and fall reenacting one of Esthar's popular running paths. It was hardly strenuous so Squall let his mind drift back to Rinoa, which ultimately drugged up the memories of their short time in Esthar. Right before his world had caved in on him.**

**Before all of this they called a flat in Esthar's business district home on the theory that that part of town would turn into virtual ghost town during the evening as the businessmen returned home to their families. Only then could they leave together, and indulged in what Rinoa called normal everyday life activities. But truthfully, nothing they did had any sense of normalcy for him. He had never experienced the world as a civilian, like she had growing up in Deling, or her time in Timber. As a child he was isolated off the beach of Centra's coast, where he had nothing but his imagination there to occupy his time. Going to the movies, and late night dinners at restaurants were part of a life he never lived, and it was a bit unnerving to have so much down time. For Rinoa though, it revived a part of her that had been missing and he could see it in her face every time they left their one bedroom studio.**

**For their first night in Esthar, Squall had taken her to a small restaurant that specialized in Galbadian cuisine that came as a recommendation from Laguna through Cid. The place was a small hole in the ground, off of a corner between two businesses complexes, that one had to go down a flight of stairs into the basement to find. The solid wood doors lead to a dimly lit restaurant decorated in heavy wood trim stained black and red velvet curtains between each booth granting it's patrons a certain amount of anonymity, which was invaluable since the over zealous world wanted to know more about their unusual heroes. Squall could remember the black dress she wore with it's plunging loose neckline that delicately framed her necklace that held her mother's ring with the copy of his griever ring together. And not far below that traces of her breasts that had him diverting his attention frequently or risk caving into his weak will for her.**

**The look that crossed her face seeing the menu would be etched into his memory forever. The way her warm eyes floated up from the menu, at the same time her smile grew wide realizing his consideration of her. She was always a hard one to predict, as she often let her emotions run away with her, but in this instance he hadn't expected her to slam her menu down on the table and strain over the small table to kiss him. Still the warm affection was so sporadic that he hadn't had time to over think it, allowing his body to just simply accept it and enjoy it despite the public setting. That night he hardly said more then a few sentences, instead he had spent hours listening to Rinoa open up about growing up with a famous general as a father and a famous singer as a mother.**

**At one point Rinoa had caught herself rambling and concerned that she was boring him to death she asked him more about the orphanage he grew up in. He obliged and told her a memory he had by the sea when he had waited for sis to come back, but all his memories paled in comparison to what she could remember of her life. He could hardly remember his life before Garden and he wasn't sure if that was because he was just so little at the time or if the Gfs had just really robbed him of so much. Uncomfortable with the realization, he turned the focus back to her, because truthfully he was fascinated by her stories of her family, and only now he had wished he had told her that at the time. He was so struck by the foreign concept of a family where something like dinners out was normal. It was part of her life he just couldn't share in. Even though his fathered turned out to be very much a live, he still considered himself an orphan. When he told her so, he saw only compassion and understanding in her eyes as she leaned over the table to take his hand. Her next words to him had really resounded in his mind, even to this day. Even though her father was a live and in contact, she had felt that her father died in that car crash along with her mother. The man was only an empty of shell of man he used to be. He couldn't help watching her through the candlelight thinking that in the end they really had more in common then it first appeared. Both of their father's were alive and yet they had that piece missing in their lives.**

**Their first night in Esthar he couldn't sleep in the same bed with her. Even though the notion of him sleeping on the spare couch was ridiculous to her, after the night they had in Garden he wanted to take it slow and do things the normal way. Well, as normal as it could possible be feigned in their situation. Now reflecting back, maybe a small part of him had been holding back because he was afraid of the stirring emotions building in him. The passion for her and the fear of what would result from loving her that much.**

**A week later he had brought her to a movie. Neither one had any idea what was playing, nor could his memory recall what they had ended up seeing. Sitting far back in an empty run down Movie Theater, innocent handholding had turned into something else entirely. For sure if anyone was to blame, it had to be himself. For most of the beginning of the film he couldn't look away from her face that was lit up by the movie screen. He was so captivated by how she innocently reacted to the story being told on screen, envious at how she could escape from her reality and empathize with what was going on.**

**He would look up on the screen every now and again, and what he saw were mere actors trying to portray a flawed attempt of the reality of war. It had been written by a writer who clearly had never held a weapon or seen combat from wherever he or she sat. It was all what the movie studio wanted its customers to think war was like and it made Squall feel awkward watching it from this perspective. That was when her eyes met his and devilish smirk appeared before her lips before he moved to make her lips disappear against his lips. Then both had lost interest in the move, and found more entertainment in each other until a coughing from down in front had alerted them their previous notion of being alone was sorely mistaken. Being less then enthralled by the movie, Rinoa and Squall left out the emergency exit, and walked hand in hand through the back streets of Esthar for hours. That time neither of them said a single word to each other. His mind was too tied up with how he could just fade away in this life and never return to Garden. There was no need for him to carry a weapon on him for protection and how they could walk for miles without meeting another soul or run into anything that would harm them. They were protected in the walls of Esthar. They were just another anonymous set of people amongst the millions of others. That thought plagued Squalls mind for the rest of the night. **

**He finally gave in and agreed to share the bed with her, where he held her all night wondering if this was the life she wanted. She seemed to content, but Squall realized he was the one dying inside. He missed the fields of Balamb and the feel of a gunblade in his hand. This was not his normal and none of it was his reality. He held her tighter in his arms as the questions petrified him. He remained sleepless wondering if her Knight may have an unseen weakness after all.**

**Squall looked down at the mile counter. He had reached mile four and now was at the top of the resistance. He was pushing his body to the limit, running as fast as he could for sometime now without even noticing it. The troubling memories were good distraction as beads of sweat were beginning to roll down from his hairline. He looked over to Seifer seeing him ghostly white and sweating profusely. Even his breaths had fallen out of pace.**

"**Seifer?" Squall's alarm only raised when he saw the knights hand suddenly claw at his chest.**

**It was Dr. Kadowaki who rose to her feet first, staring at Seifer's heart monitor in alarm.**

"**Shut it down." She ordered.**

"**What?" Cid asked cautiously.**

"**I can't breath-" Seifer gasped between labored breaths fumbling to keep his self up right.**

"**We iz Not Done." Dr. Odine said ignoring the woman entranced by the screen.**

"**Yes we are!" Kadowaki shouted, before a large crash interrupted everyone from the sudden fight that was about to break out.**

**Seifer seemed to stumble unexplainably, slightly catching himself on the rails by his arms, but the speed the treadmill took his body down throwing the behemoth against the wall behind it. Then the room exploded with noise of panic. Shouts from Dr. Kadowaki to the nurses, as well as sirens from the machines monitoring him, made Squall quickly jump to the sides of the machine and hit the emergency stop button on both machines. He watched the chaos in the room as the Nurses quickly grabbed Seifer who clutched his chest taking short breaths, as his face redden in pain.**

"**There's pressure in my chest!" Seifer Gasped as the Blonde tried to secure him down to the ground.**

"**Get the man Oxygen!" Dr. Kadowaki snapped reading the papers coming from a small machine reading his heart waves. Erratic lines inscribe the paper and with one look she let the papers fall to the ground and assisted the nurses trying to lay Seifer out flat. Squall silently watched over him in horror as the ex-knight held his heart in chest as if it were going to explode.**

**Like, Squall the rest of the room remained out of the way, silent in shock. Laguna had his arms folded across his chest straining to keep calm. Both Kyros and Ward looked on much in the same way from behind Laguna, but soon Kyros whispered to Ward who gave a short nod before leaving the room.**

"**What the hell is happening? Do something! He's having a heart attack!" Cid was frantically shouting at Dr. Odine who was doing nothing more then writing in his black book of notes with little more then care for his patient lying on the floor. **

"**Yez, it zeems that way. There iz more then that going onz here." Dr. Odine picked up the papers that had fallen to the ground and read the findings. **

"**How the hell can someone in his shape have a heart attack? Less then a month ago he was in fighting condition-!" Cid shouted.**

"**Waz he?" Dr. Odin turned to Cid who suddenly lost his voice. "The power he gain from the Zorcerezz came at a high prize phyzically."**

"**What are you say?" Squall asked in a low tone visibly shaken from seeing his rival writhing on the ground. Something deep down finally understood why Siefer had been going along with all of this. He had too much pride to admit it in front of Squall but he had been sick and it was clear he couldn't make it on his own anymore.**

"**I'm zaying the extend expozure haz weakened his heart muzclez. He'z got a ticking time bomb in hiz chezt."**

**Fear dug it's nails in to Squall as Seifer suddenly went limp in Dr. Kadowaki's arm from something she injected into his arm.**

"**Help him." Squall demanded turning back to Dr. Odine. "You are the expert in this, fix it!"**

"**The damage Iz done. Hiz dayz on the battle field iz numbered." Dr. Odine said simply not looking up from the black book. "I'm no Hyne boy. He haz hiz own fate to follow and theirz nothing I can doz about it."**

**The pent up rage in Squall exploded all at once as he targeted the cruel man who had no idea what kind of death sentence he had just laid out unsympathetically for a solider. This was their life! And giving up wasn't an option Squall could easily take from a mad man.**

**Kyros seeing the incoming fist quickly intercepted grabbing Squall's arm, and with the help of Laguna, they restrained Squall from pounding the Man to an inch of his life.**

"**Squall get a hold of yourself!" Cid shouted, who was now by Seifer's side.**

**He couldn't though. The anger he felt at the world was pressing him on to the point of insanity. If he could just connect one blow he felt he could release the pent up anger that was killing him inside.**

"**Squall!" Kyros strained as Squall did everything he could to shake to the two men off of him. Dr. Odine looked up calmly to observe his rage.**

"**You thinkz hurting me iz a good idea?" His eyebrow rose pretentiously. **

**It was the best idea Squall had heard of in a long while, actually. Nothing would have pleased him more then to wipe that indifferent look right of his face.**

"**I cantz change hiz future, but I ztill have a chance at yourz." He said then pointing at Squall's heart berating his own chest. "Takez a good, long, and hardz look at thatz boy down therez. Diz iz your future with out me. With outz me you will becomez that…"**

**Even with the words ringing true, Squall couldn't find forgiveness in his heart to stop trying to take the man's life.**

"**Squall, he's right!" Laguna's words pierced deep. "This isn't his fault. So keep it together for Rinoa-!"**

**Her name was like a lightening bolt in his mind making him able to restrain himself- but barely. Even Kyros didn't fully trust Squall enough to remove his grip from his arms. Squall turned his sights away from the mad man. "I need to find her. Rinoa has no idea where I am-"**

**A sudden look came over the president's face.**

"**What?" Squall asked knowing something more had been kept from him. **

**Kyros gave Laguna a long look and eventually Laguna nodded slowly in agreement that it was time to be more open with his biological heir.**

"**She showed up at my place when you were… not yourself."**

"**What?" Squall looked at Kyros who seemed to be on edge. "Why didn't you tell me?"**

"**Honestly, I wanted to wait till you were more… recovered and had more of a game plan. When she showed up on my door step I told her I had no contact with you-"**

"**-Squall the world thinks you have returned to your post at Garden." Cid took over the conversation. "As far as the world knows, you're in Garden resuming your post as Commander. We've gone to great length to have sightings of you, and even have paperwork released with your signature on it. I can even get pictures of you at your desk to be released if need be. You need to recover at your pace, and we need to get our head wrapped around this thing. Despite what President Lore thinks, I have to respectfully disagree with him. I urge you, as commander. to keep your distance from Ms. Heartilly."**

**He couldn't believe the world that was surrounding him. His arch rival, once the only one who could offer a real challenge, laid on the floor recovering from a heart attack which in a way was a presentation of what could become of his own future. Not long ago his only worry had been living a mundane life, not knowing that life would be ripping them cruelly apart. He wished he had spent less time worrying about the future and just living in the peaceful moment they had. If given another chance he vowed he wouldn't waste another second not living in the moment with her. Only if Hyne could give him one more chance, he would embrace a mundane life if it meant he could be close to her once more.**

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><p><strong><em><span>Ok, longest chapter yet. Nearly 7,500 words here for you to read and as always I thank anyone who might be reading this. I'm going to dedicate this chapter to Al Rio (a famous comic book artist from brazil) may he rest in peace. Artist like him come inspire many, and he was gone too soon. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm on vacation till Valentine's day so I wouldn't expect anything up till after that. Please R&amp;R. Good or the bad, it's always appreciated. <span>_  
><strong>


	22. Chapter 22

FF8 is not my creation, but the ideas in this story are. So enjoy the ride.

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><p>ooo000ooo<p>

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><p>Chapter 22<p>

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><p>ooo000ooo<p>

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><p>A mere two hours before the scheduled mission with Squall was to proceed, a sudden rapping at his door drove him from his much needed sleep, begging him to rejoin the living. Had it been anyone else at his door the cowboy would have let the deep sleep brought on from the drinking last night continue uninterrupted. But somehow the light, and demandingly up beat knock came from only one person. And for her, his door would always remained open.<p>

The moment the door was unlocked the strong willed brunette forced his door open knocking right past him without any regard to his current state of undress, which was emasculating to say the lest.

"I think the world is ending. I'm very certain this is the sign of the apocalypse-" She stammered wondering his room in a daze.

"If that's true, I've always had a vision of what I would be doing in the last 20 seconds, and baby I'm glad you're here." He grinned despite being exhausted.

"Do you know what I've been doing the last four hours?" She frantically asked not even registering his lewd comments. His face dropped knowing how this conversation was going to go, and he still would have no relief for his stagnant sex life.

"Obviously drinking a lot of caffeine.- Selphie honey, we talked about how that's not good for someone like you-"

"I've been in Cid's office getting my ass kicked, cause one of my students posted a lewd picture of Quistis and Squall getting it on at some beach." She shot back still not hearing a word he had said. But to be fair, until now, he hadn't registered the anger and absolute hurt in her words either.

It took a minute for his brain to try to comprehend the full meaning of her statement. There were many reasons why she would be upset, and he couldn't dissect which part needed attention first. He let his tall frame sink back on his bed rubbing his forehead.

"That's a lot to process…" He admitted tensely. Dealing with the break up ending up to be difficult enough for her, but the new development would likely be shattering.

"If you think the words are hard to hear, you should see the pictures." Selphie finally found the reason to sit and stop pacing the room. The confident man watching her with intense green eyes hardly felt the bed shift as her lightweight frame fell on to it.

"I'm sure Cid was mad." He prodded her to continue.

"Furious." She corrected casting her eyes downward. "All the hard work I put into the school website is going to be history by tomorrow morning-"

Irvine watched her face, and slowly took in the worry expression on her face. "But that's not the part that really upsets you…" Irvine ventured.

His theory was correct when her eyes hesitantly glance his way before lowering themselves to the floor in defeat once more.

Irvine scratched his head trying to imagine the many emotions going through his normally spritely counter part. "You know it's every males fantasy to hook up with his teacher…"

"Don't blame this on hormones." Selphie's jaw clenched, "This is Squall we're talking about."

"So? Even a robot like Squall is programed with urges." Though admittedly he was surprised to hear he had the follow through to go that far with his former teacher. Might be the jealousy speaking, though.

"Ew." Selphie looked at him in absolute disgust. "We are all like family! That's equivalent to doing his sister!"

"Oh," Irvine felt like he had just taken shell to the chest. After a second to recover from his internal wounds he tried to shrug it off.

"Hell, still plausible since some men have fantasies about that too." He reminded her.

Selphie looked at him appalled and quickly shook away the horrifying thought, "Plus he has Rinoa-"

"Selph," He adjusted himself on his bed to better reach out to the stubborn brunette. "We have to face the facts that Squall is a living, breathing, person who has been through a hell of a lot this year. He is the one who gets to choose his life pass. I personally can be at peace as long as he is happy. He deserves that much."

"What about Rinoa? She's one of us- does no one see that? Her place belongs here with us!"

"But she's not one of us." He hated this, because a part of him understood her argument completely. "She's not SeeD, and she never wants to be. It's all we know and maybe that makes Squall and her incompatible."

There was a long silent pause that occupied the room after that, and he did his best not to break the spell they fell under. He really enjoyed being able to just watch her silently like this. He wasn't sure how many people got to see this side of Tilmitt; It was few at best. Under all that fiery personality, and sometimes shockingly crass thoughts, laid a concern soul who worried endlessly. When her eyes grew distant and her lips part in slight thought he could sit there and watch the beautiful display for all eternity if Hyne allowed it.

"I never thought that the happiest time in my life would be during Ultemica." The serious omission passed through those lips slightly wavering. "Does that make me a bad person?"

Irvine would never understand why she felt the need to drag herself through the mud this way. No one would be happy with the idea of his or her family growing distant and eventually moving on, but in away that was what life was all about. All one could do was accept it as reality. Dragging her heels in the mud was only prolonging the pain and suffering she would have to face eventually.

"Selphie, there isn't a bad bone in your body."

"Is this where you're going to offer me yours?" She snickered looking down at his boxers.

Wow, and when you think that little package was just cute, and uplifting you get a reminder of how Selphie Tilmitt REALLY operated. She could pack a punch, and that was indeed his weakness. He let out a laugh that made her smile weakly too.

"I'm not sure you could handle all of my badness." He winked.

"Ah, so you're one of those men lusting after sisters then." She feigned amusement for his benefit.

"Selphie, I love you, but you're not my sister."

She turned to him to object, but he wouldn't allow another word. Taking her small face in his hands, he quickly placed his lips on hers sweetly, but quickly removed them before overstaying his welcome.

Her face expressed genuine shock, but he purposefully left the kiss somewhere in the middle of being chaste, and hinting of where his desire really lied. He wouldn't rock her fragile world at a time like this unless he was sure it would be a welcome advance.

The confusion registered for only a second before she quickly dismiss the advance as part of Irvine's odd, but innocent quirks of affection he showed to his friends, leaving him once more frustrated at the stalemate he was left in. All he could do was accept that she wasn't ready to look at him anything more then her closest confidant.

"We're not related by blood, but we're more then just friends." She stated cryptically.

"Yeah, I'd say so."

"I have faith that we're fated to always be together. " She looked at him sincerely.

"And we will be Selph-"

"-And I feel that way about Rinoa and Squall too. I feel like no one is in their corner urging them to fight. I'm not giving up, Irvine. I can't… I just feel it in my heart that this isn't right."

"What about Quisitis. Does her happiness matter at all?"

Selphie's eyes shot to him in anger as she held in her breath for moment in anger.

"Of course it does…" She said releasing her anger slowly. "Don't make me sound like I don't care, because I really do. I love Quisty so much and I don't want her to get hurt in all of this either."

Her eyes surrendered the anger she felt and were quickly filled with pain as she pleaded with him to spare her from guilt. "I just know when things are right…. and things aren't right now. I don't know why anyone else doesn't feel it too. It's like the world is spinning backwards and no one believes me."

"So you thinking they way our group was set up back in Ultemcia was, right? That was perfect?"

She clearly saw that that thought bothered him, so she stopped and thought about it.

"Yes- mostly." She let out a frustrated sigh. "Don't you?"

As strange as it sound, he could understand the complex thought of recognizing Ultemcia as being one of the best moments in his life. After all, he finally had found his lost friends of the past. He wondered how fate had worked their lives together just so they could meet again in that exact moment. It nearly killed him when he realized they hadn't kept any of their memories. It had felt like a cruel joke the world was playing with him. However that painful time made the moment they remembered each other that much sweeter.

Then there was Selphie. He couldn't lie and say to her that that time hadn't been the best moment of his life. The war had brought her back into his life, and even to this day he can't understand why this utterly vexing woman meant so much to him. Maybe she was right about fate. However he doesn't pine for the relationship he had with her in the orphanage, or the one he holds with her now. He was ready for things to change; hell his balls would welcome it.

"Anyways-" she broke his train of concentration by jumping off the bed. "You've got a mission to get ready for, and I have a phone blowing up with requests for comments for this alleged sparing incident-"

Irvine's ears picked up and his eyes widened. "Wait what? Back that up, woman!"

Selphie looked over and frowned. "What?"

"Sparing?" He pushed her to continue.

"Well come on Irvine, we all know that's not what they are doing on a beach at night. Even Cid said so…" Selphie put her hand on her hip.

His eyes narrowed at the little piece of hidden information she had conveniently hidden from him. His mind twisting all the facts around looking for it to make sense but a last it didn't. None of it did…

"Just promise me that you're not going anywhere ok?" She smiled weakly by the grey steel dorm door. "I know it's selfish, but I really need you in my corner."

"Say the word, Selph. I'll come guns a blazing." He nodded to her with a half smile planted on his face.

That warrant a smile to tug at the corner of her mouth as she mouthed words of thanks that failed to actually sound. He heard the sound of the automatic door close behind her leaving him with an unsettled feeling in his abdomen. Now only did he understand the feelings Selphie was trying to describe… the uncomfortable feeling of being deceived.

Sparing at night?

He worked the idea through his head and moments of the night before flashed vividly in his head.

"Fuck me." He whispered pulling in a breath.

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><p><em><strong>Sorry, I know, it's short, but it needs to happen seeing that the next chapter will likely be a very long one again. I hope this will help with the wait! Also I started a new story, into this air. (Rated T- though I'm sure it will be a strong T) Feel free to read that if you haven't, and as always, reviews are helpful and encouraging.<strong>_


	23. Chapter 23

**_I do not own FF8, but I can dream, right?_**

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><p><strong>ooo000ooo<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

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><p><strong>ooo000ooo<strong>

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><p>His fingers traced the walls of the Ragnarock as he eased silently through the hallways listening to the hum of its engines beginning to roar to life. He had paced these hallways with his eyes closed so many times now that he has commit its layout to memory incase of a situation like this became.<p>

He had hoped that maybe his vision would improve by now but instead the haziness continued to plague him. Right at that moment his vision was honestly the last thing on his mind. Instead it was fully preoccupied of her. He wanted to replay the last meeting over and over in his mind. Tracing over the memories of the way her voice sounded over the intercom giving away her surprise when he arrived unannounced completely unguarded. He could recall so easily every step into that home he made and every movement she made from his short visit there. That was until the walked into that kitchen. That was when his memories started to dim. He remembered the betrayal in her voice, how good she smelled, and wanting to betray everyone who depended on him for her.

Squall ejected the thoughts quickly before any emotions could stir. There was no chance he could fight to stay away if he were to remain so close to Rinoa. Still, Squall was troubled by his impairment as he rand his free hand over his heart feeling the easy beats that followed it's on rhythm. There was no clear way to know how much was too much strain on his heart. He couldn't ask Seifer that, nor would he likely divulge that information easily. A question was always left alone was how close was his bond with Ultimecia that it had affected him such adverse effects on him. Physically Squall wanted no part in knowing just how far things might have gone between him and matron when Ultimecia had over taken her. A small part of Squall still recognized her as a mother influence on his life and that was far more then he would ever want to know, but if knowing that their relationship had never gone that close Squall would be start to question how stressful their time in Esthar had been on his body. It was true, that his heart in his chest had raced faster in her presence, and when he had awoken in from his delirious dream he felt like he run for days without rest. The damage could already be done.

"-She turned to her friend and they whispered something, but man I promise you that look only means one-" Instantly, their lively talk was dashed as their commander suddenly entered the cockpit. Squall ignored the sudden shift in mood as he made his by counting his steps to his designated spot up front. He let his body fall into the leather chair and slouched without saying a single word.

"Hey Squall," Zell said in a hesitant greeting. "Late night?"

They knew. Of course they knew. If Selphie knew, then every last woman, man, and child knew. She would have made sure of it. Squall wasn't amused by the question or the ignorance they were displaying. With silence as his answer, his hand rubbed over his mouth in contemplation wondering how he would ever survive this two-day mission with both of them in the room.

"Right," Zell gave Irvine a look that Squall didn't need to see to understand he was being mocked. "Well let's see what this mission is about then."

Zell hit the controls quickly prompting a pre-recorded message to begin playing.

Laguna sat back behind his desk uncomfortably, staring into the camera, waiting for an obvious que to begin from Kiros behind the camera. Squall shifted as Laguana's uncomfortable awkwardness started to spread to him from the screen.

"Still can't believe the President of Esthar is your father." Zell spoke absent-mindedly.

"He's not." Squall corrected. Biological donation aside, this man had no connection to him and one could hardly call him a father. A father raises his children. He did not. It was as simple as that and would never understand why the others couldn't see it as simply.

"The men in your family don't do anything half ass, do they?" Irvine scoffed. "President, A Commander that will one day become Headmaster of Garden."

_Or maybe the next Knight to terrorize the world_, Squall thought to himself. That truth had more validity the longer he was forced to listen to these two.

"Greetings Commander Leonheart. I trust I find you and your party in good health." Laguna suddenly broke into ease as he finally was signaled to speak. "Your mission is to explore the Islands closest to heaven. Our scientist's readings have signaled that a large meteorite crashed there containing invaluable material useful for our research in anti-sorceress technology."

Squall could feel the tension in the room rise slightly. The group was over protective of Rinoa and certainly they were already beginning to question what the President's agenda was in learning such technology. It would be his poor choice in words that would force Squall into another uneasy conversation when he least needed it.

_Damn that man._

"We must warn you that after the Lunar pandemic this area has found to be a hot bed for dangerous creatures, and should be approached with caution."

Suddenly specs flew up on the screen of the stone they were looking for that made Squall look down. All the words were giving him a headache and

"This meteorite property is unstable and should be handled with caution. Too much vibration can fracture it releasing its energy rendering the material useless. Commander Leonheart, I must stress the value of success that is needed for this mission. Material like this does not appear often and the research that can begin from this could be…"

The president paused and the haze didn't allow the translation of emotion to be visible to Squall.

"Well, it could redefine a lot of things for many people. We cannot afford to miss this opportunity. Best of Luck to you and your team."

The video feed suddenly was cut leaving the group in silence for a second before Zell turned to Squall. "Kind of an odd mission to pay for Rank A SeeDs."

Yes it sighed knowing that part wouldn't be overlooked. "I'm doing it as a favor on behalf of Cid."

Undoubtedly a smirk had to be growing on Zell's face seeing as his cold attitude towards Laguna wasn't coordinating with his actions, but he couldn't outwardly be forward on how much of this mission was for Rinoa and himself. This stone could make the Odine Bangle over forty percent stronger then the last model from the calculations Odine had ran. If that would be enough to save Squall and Rinoa, he wasn't sure, but he was finding himself desperate to get the results of this experiment that he had rearranged several important missions to accommodate this.

"Lets move out." He commanded as Ragnarock prepared for lift off. The sooner they could find that material, the sooner the furious pounding in his chest would wane.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Ooo000ooo<span>**

* * *

><p>It took Ragnarock two attempts to land in the rock terrain of the Islands closest to Heaven. The ride went rather smoothly, but the company was outright painful. Between listening to the latest martial art film Zell had seen from the library's collection and how it ranked from the ones he had seen previously, to the past exploitations of Irvine in his former Garden which mounted up to be nothing more then numerous potential sexual harassment lawsuits in Squalls opinion. The last few hours had amounted to be a mind numbing experience for Squall.<p>

Occasionally, his two-team members would remember he was even there and throw a comment his way that he could supply a one-word answer to or just nod. This was the isolation she had grown accustomed to for many years, and conceitedly, he had used his indifference as armor far as he could remember. Now it was an unwelcome dead weight he wished he could shed. Even though much of their conversation grated on his nerves Squall still missed the familiarity and trust he once had shared with his team member. It seemed that Rinoa had been the key bridge between them and now the bonds were weakening.

"Squall, you coming?" Zell asked from the lift gearing ready lower as Irvine swung his trench coat over his tall frame.

"Supervising. You two can handle this." He dismissed as he pulled out a pile of papers hoping they were not upside down.

"What? Seriously man?" Irvine questioned pulling his jacked on. "You're going to miss out on all the fun for some paperwork?"

The fewer words the better.

Squall waved his hand motioning them to go on with out him. Zell audible sight of frustration was not missed as he pulled the lever down letting the gears being to lower them down. Only a minute passed before Squall could see two forms walking away from the ship on the outside, emphasizing the silence growing around him.

Silence was deadly. Squall sat in the leather cockpit chairs only for a moment before standing up to pace. It could be a few hours before they would return giving him sometime to rebound from the He walked with one hand on the railings of the large center map orb trying very hard to keep his mind blank. In the end it wanted to go back to the night before.

"Damn it." He whispered to himself dropping his other hand on the railing and letting his weight fall against it. He lowered his head as her the hurt expression on her face replayed over and over again. Her lips tried not to shake as it held his hostage in a very calculated bid to keep him. He wanted to yield in that very moment to her desires.

Squall raised his head up as the truth of his feelings weighed heavily on him.. A part of him doubted how much more he could stand hurting her. When she had asked him to stay for her, he wanted to take all the fear and pain away. If only she knew what she was really asking from him. Then she too would want to keep the insufferable distance.

In the end she will still be in pain.

What they had- or will ever have was in Dr. Odine's hands now and that thought in its self was uncomforting. He had to trust so many people in the handling of his life that it hardly seemed fair. His fate never seemed to be his own.

Making his way back to the chair, Squall eased himself in front of the control module and went straight to the keyboards. He stopped wondering if what he was doing was right, but after only a second of hesitation he quickly tapped in his access code name and password to pull up Rinoa's case file.

"Case file has been transferred. Access Denied. Please reselect a new prompt." The computer quickly responded to his request.

A frustrated laugh left his chest as he leaned back rubbing his chin in thought. Quistis took no time to transfer the case to Trabia. Conveniently, she also took away his access. That was a smart thing to do. It was the proper protocol and nothing short of this action was expected from her, but in this moment of time he wanted to strangle her.

He quickly went to the keyboard again.

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

He frowned. What would Quistis code name be? He was terrible at hacking and in this condition he couldn't even try if he wanted to. He would have to do it the old fashioned way- by luck of the draw. Obviously "Quistis Trepe" hadn't been correct access code, so he tried simply Trepe.

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

He followed that by Trepe9-4

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

He slammed his fist on the dashboard and threw himself back against the seat once more running his hands through his thick hair in exasperation.

_What the hell could she have named it?_

He rested in that position for a few minutes trying to let his mind clear to let it come to him naturally, but instead his mind drew up something less then professional. It seemed unlike her but then again it was so out of character that it had merit in someone not guessing it. So with hesitation he awkwardly typed in _Quisty_

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

Squall let out a relieved sigh. He was genuinely thankful for that, actually. He wasn't sure how he could look her in they eyes if she had actually picked that for an access code. Still he was no closer to gaining access.

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Ooo000ooo<span>_**

* * *

><p>Zell shifted through his mind finding Ifrit ready to in circle him in his strength. Zell looked up feeling the incredible strength and resilience the best had imparted on to him. Irvine had chosen Diablos and was just beginning to stir back to consciousness when Zell walked past him.<p>

What was going to be a male bonding experience suddenly was moot point when Squall refused to come along citing and decided to leave them to the heavy lifting.

"I can't believe he expects us to do this alone." Zell groaned wondering where they had gone wrong that Squall reverted back to in his introverted self.

"What? Afraid we can't handle a few Malboros or Chimeras?" Ivrine playful pushed passed Zell throwing his rifle over his shoulder.

The wana-be cowboy took a few steps tipping his hat forward a bit to banish the sun glare before he turned and looked over his shoulder at Zell. "After Ultimecia I feel like we can handle a few monsters on our own, but if your feeling like a chickenwuss we could always run away." Irvine shouted back to him tauntingly.

Zell scowled, as he gave the Rangnarock one final glance. Of course they could handle any monster that laid waiting on this hyne-forsaken island. Any rank A SeeD could, as long as they were well equipped for ailments these monsters could furnish. But operation Rinual has been a failure despite their A ranking, and worse yet, their leader is increasingly growing despondent. Selphie might be worried about the state of her ideal fairytale couple falling apart, but for Zell it was his friend he was more worried for. Not that Rinoa wasn't his friend- she was for sure someone he would always be loyal too and always care for. However, she was kind, sweet, likeable, and resourceful. She could make it in a world without Squall. Zell wasn't as certain that Squall was as capable without her.

"So basically the mission is to look for a rock." Zell mumbled catching up to Irvine.

"A very expensive rock that will pay us well." Irvine cut him off as they sauntered through the plains.

"What do ya think it's for?" Zell could feel his brain beginning to fry from the heat all ready. "I mean really? I'm surprise Squall would openly accept such a mission for that Quak of a doctor. After Rinoa and all-"

"Well look at who asked for his help." Irvine supplied adjusting his hat for the sun glaring off the water. The only bearable part of this trip was for the wind breaking the heat by pouring over the lost island.

Squall's paternal issues were a hot topic no one brought up out of sympathy. Zell wondered what had he would have done had he found his biological parents were found a live and simply never looked for him. No matter way it was cut, it wouldn't have bothered Zell as he had his ma. No one, not even his biological mother could replace her and the life he had been given. Squall didn't have the same experience. Maybe that was the reason for his sudden isolation?

"You think they've ever talked about us being the fairies?" Zell wondered aloud.

"Squall's not one for talking." Irvine rolled his eyes. "I doubt he has ever spoke to Laguna outside of a professional setting let alone one that verges on something such as personal."

"Touché. Would you be upset if you found out you had a parent that was alive?"

Irvine departed that internally for a moment trying to draw up con and pros to the questions.

"Given the same circumstances as Squall?" Irvine scoffed shaking his head as he kicked a small rock. "I would ride that shit all the way to the bank! Just imagine how fast the girls would line up for the 'Team leader' who saved the world from a crazy sorceress and in turn became the Commander of Balamb Garden who just so happens to be the lost child of the good looking president of the most technological advance city in the entire world! Yeah, he shoulders a hard burden."

"Naturally we can leave it to you to find the silver lining any situation-" Zell rolled his eyes before suddenly seeing movement in the distant.

Zell look to Irvine, whose long eye brows forged together as his emerald eyes looked down the scope of silver Exeter gun aimed right to at a Malboro that quickly began to charge on rampage towards them. Irvine pulled the trigger, and faster then Zell could track, the bullet left the gun sailing into the green giant's head.

The bullet struck it casting off disgusting green mucus every which way, but despite the brutal bullet forcing a horrific squeal of pain from the monster, it did little to slow it down. There was no way they were going to avoid this fight and with that Zell started jumping from side to side to warm up.

"You equipped well?" Irvine asked preparing a demi spell.

"Ya, lets take this mother down!" Zell said picking up a Berserk spell and swiftly casting it upon himself.

It was like a massive storm rising up from the pit of his stomach. It rolled through him with violent lightening striking him causing his body to twitch and shake. His core temperature began to rise as his heart raced from the excitement. His heart pounded so freely that he was certain it was trying to escape his chest. All his senses were over come by the spell that his thoughts started to fragment until the only thing he could think or hear was the sound of his heart beating in his chest.

The Marlboro turned its attention to him and started flailing it's tentacles around wildly. His first attack would be bad breath, it always was. Only seeing red everywhere, Zell happily surrendered into the violent urge pushed into combat.

His fists were relentless smashing into the green ball as Irvine quickly casted status impairments allowing Zell to easily dodge the blind creatures attacks. Hyne knows those razor teeth have shredded his skin back when he first encountered one.

The battle was long and tedious with two members but still possible. The spell on Zell wore off as the Malboro thrashed wildly as it succumb to the last limit break of Irvine's. In its last bid for vengeance, a black tarry substance flew up and into Zell's eyes and instead of it rolling away it clung there absorbing in, blinding him with searing pain.

"Damnit!" Zell shouted jumping back and forth trying to wipe the stuff away but the harder he clawed at the tarry substance the more it seemed to penetrate his vision. If that hadn't been enough to damage his ego, the vigorous laughter coming from Irvine as he slung his rifle of his shoulder and walked towards his partner.

"I thought you said you were junction!" He mocked as he wiped away the dripping from sweat from his face.

"Bastard got lucky!" He winced doubling over from the pain gripping his face. "Don't just stand there! Cast an Esuna… Eye drops… anything, damn it!"

He could sense Irvine coming closer and felt a small vile being pushed into his hand.

"You can kill the next one by yourself!" Zell cursed leaning his head back feeling the tar suddenly dilute on contact clearing his vision.

"Stop complain and lets move forward." Irvine called already a good distance away. Mumbling Zell followed cursing Squall for refusal to help. What the hell was he up to anyways?

* * *

><p><strong><span>Ooo000ooo<span>**

* * *

><p>"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."<p>

Chocobo

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

IhateSquall

"Access code name not recognized. Access Denied."

It been well over two hours and still he was no closer to guessing her code name and there would be a password after it. This was futile he decided when suddenly a vibration from his pocket made him jump.

He struggled to retrieve the small thing out of his pocket. Out of habit he tried to check the incoming phone number before answering but the screen still remained in a dark, blurry section of his vision. He frowned knowing he would have to answer it blindly.

"Yes?" He said short of a proper greeting.

"Have you given up on guessing my codename yet?" The irritation registered quickly with Squall.

He frowned and lowered the phone away from him as he leaned his head back in frustration running his hand through his soft hair allowing his body to sink in the chair. Of course Quistis has some security in place. No doubt the many failed attempts alerted her to his efforts. After a second to clear his mind, and a voice calling him back to his phone, he raised it back to his ear again

"Squall?"

"Yeah..."

"What do you think you're doing?" She questioned irritated.

It took him another minute just to respond to that. Even though it should be obvious what he was doing he knew she meant _why_ was he trying to hack into Rinoa's files. Truthfully, he didn't have a good handle on much of his impulses lately to be able to supply her with a logical answer.

"I want to see the plans." Stating the obvious. He waited as the woman on the other side of the phone let out a long sigh.

"Keeping your distance is part of the plan. Do you really think that getting involved is going to help you achieve this?" Quistis asked. "You're torturing yourself."

"A valid opinion but just that. " Squall said shortly.

"Squall." Quistis lectured him grating on his last nerve.

"She is _mine_ to protect."

The words were authoritative and possessive, which did more then shock the administrator on the other end. It shocked him into silence as well. It was his words and not the thoughts of the dark knight haunting him though. Just the appearance of his true emotions but it made both of them uneasy.

"You _are_ Squall" Quistis voice came in a little softer this time making Squall squirm from the pity he was receiving. This is not what he wanted to hear right now and started to weigh the consequence of hanging up on her. "Commander Keller is supervising-"

"Is that a joke Quistis?" He pushed himself up in his chair. "Keller has been in Commander position for four months-"

If he hung up now he wondered how long it would take for the dispatch SeeDs to arrive and detain him on Quistis orders.

"You haven't been in this position for much longer Squall," She reminded him. "And he has six years of SeeD behind him to your year and a half."

"Year and a half in which I stopped a sorceress from killing all of us. I think I've proven myself to be capable." He provided knowing he was on the losing end of this battle. Logically, there was no rational reason for him in continuing on and debate her on orders given to her by a client.

A frustrated sigh came through the phone. "I'm not saying he is more qualified then you but he is very capable to handle this. You will torture yourself over the information, Squall. You will go over it and over it again and again. The last thing you need is to be distracted wondering what they are or are not doing-"

"I fail to see where that is of your concern." He reminded her. "I was the one who stepped away to protect her. I fail to see where I've signed away the concern I have for her life! I just want to see for myself that she is safe or that will drive me into another type of insanity. I'm not going to jeopardize by getting involved-"

"-InstructorQuistis." She suddenly spoke.

Squall's grip on the phone lightened slight as his train of thought disappeared, "What?"

"InstructorQuistis." She hesitated on the phone suddenly as her voice thickened as if she suddenly had grown uncomfortable. "I had it before they revoked my teachers license. Never thought to change it and at lest now I know you can't hack it."

Of course, he rolled his eyes. How did he not think of that?

"Password is INSQ7_82#2437."

Even with the best equipment that would have taken hours to decode.

"Why are you helping me?"

He couldn't follow her actions. First she called, rightfully upset at his actions, and when he expected her to shut him down she moved on and gave in this wishes.

Silence was all he heard for a moment making him wonder if something was wrong on her end.

"What is it Quistis?" The sixth sense he was trained to hone in on was alerting him on some unknown danger.

"Truthfully?" She ignored him but while on edge the trouble in her voice had been replaced with concern of her own. "Because I might need a favor one day."

"I don't already owe you enough?" He sure thought he did.

"Use it if you want to." She answered cutting their conversation unexplainably short. "If you wish to make yourself miserable then so be it. However Commander, you should be aware that Cid has given me the authority to detain you for any reasons. Good or bad reasons. Don't make me use that power, alright?"

He snapped the phone shut and tossed it into the chair away from him as if holding it for one more moment would indebt him more to her. His fingers flew on the keyboard and entered everything in from memory.

"Mission Case: WhiteOwl." The computer generated voice sounded unnatural but he leaned back letting his mind take in every word it put together.

"Mission Transferred to Trabia Garden On Administrators Orders. Target Code name WhiteOwl. WhiteOwl explicit order: Commander Leonheart to be bared from all related material."

He lets his eyes go unfocused and retreated into the words that flowed brokenly from the Ranganrock. It wasn't just a simple transfer as everyone had been playing it off to be. Rinoa went the extra step to cut him out of her life completely- making sure that any new developments would by pass him completely. The anger an pain was visible and regret was starting to rear its ugly head.

He scrolled through the computer prompts looking for developments. The first twenty minutes were history on Rinoa, her position, title, and contract details. All of which he knew already from sitting tensely through that meeting with her. The next logs were sealed as Trabian files with their own unique passwords. There would be no way to access them without an expert. Selphie maybe, but she wouldn't be as good as Quistis. There was no way he could get help from her again. There was already to much debt and it seemed that she would be willing to call in at some point. He rubbed his forehead trying to reason with himself that new files were a positive thing.

He finally found the last unlock files in the case after scrolling down the locked filed.

Forwarded from the Galbadian military. He clicked to open the file.

"Found in a compromised security breach by Galbadian Officers. An unsecured line a message was received stating the following from him:

Peace talks. Target Raven: Destroy the foundation."

Squall sat there waiting for the computer to continue on but instead the silence grew as the computer waited for a new prompt.

_That was it?_

Squall could feel the anger twisting and turning through his stomach as he quit out of the application letting the screens go dark.

That was all they had to go on? This was hardly enough to know who or what was behind the plans and what they intensions were. His mind instantly went to the obvious suspects. The various political governments that were none to please to have a sorceress retaining a political presence, even if minor one, was at the top of his list followed by various fringe groups of anti-sorceress. The names and groups were endless who would want to harm her.

The saner part of his mind told him he had worked on cases with less then that, but this wasn't just any person. This was Rinoa, and someone was targeting her solely on something she was burden with while on his mission. And with the new developments locked away from Balamb garden, he had no idea how safe she truly was.

Squall stared off into the distance as ground his teeth. He hated to admit when Quistis was right, but looking into those files only made things worse. It would be hard to just focus on his own mission knowing there were threats coming in from every side.

* * *

><p><strong>Ooo000ooo<strong>

* * *

><p>"Should be up a head." Irvine said reloading his gun after taking down another chimera that had been unlucky enough to cross their paths.<p>

Zell stood up with his shirt in hand to wipe away the sweat that had built up on his forehead.

"I'm thinking Squall knew something we didn't when he stayed back in the air conditioning."

Irvine too had shed most of his clothes in the swamp like heat that permeated the area. The island closest to heaven could be warm in the summer, but the tropical like atmosphere was odd for the northern cotenants. Also the lack of high-grade monsters hadn't gone unnoticed by the group.

"Two monsters in two hours. I swear I couldn't go more the two feet without running into one the last time we were here." Zell murmured as the forged down a slope but suddenly came to a halt as the edge suddenly took a violent turn downwards.

The pair carefully peered over the edge down the newly formed crater that was as wide as a football field.

"Ready to get a little dirty?" Irvine's smiled deviously to his partner.

"Dude, don't say it like that…" Zell glanced sideways at the cowboy as both stepped off the side on the fresh dirt and began to slide down the side foot by foot, kicking up dirt as the went down.

A Large stone laid impacted deep in the center and as the two came closer the more the realized that this job was going to be far more work then they had first anticipated. Various typed of rocks had collided together in space to form this massive meteorite and there was no description to the specific stone Laguna had been looking for.

"This could take hours." Zell, covered in dirt from the journey down the crater, started to walk around the massive site hoping there would be an obvious indicator of which one was their target. "OK- so what now?"

Irvine opened the leather backpack he had been carrying and pulled out a small instrument neither one had ever seen before. It was easy to see that it read some sort of energy off the stones, but unfortunately for them, no instructions were left for them on what to do with it.

They would have to wing it. Fantastic.

Irvine started to push each of the buttons in hope for some sign that the thing was on as Zell continued to walk around the perimeter looking for clues as where to start.

"To think that this was actually in space and made it here without the crystal being damaged." Zell pondered. "How sensitive could this thing be then?"

"You heard Laguna. It's rare for the thing to make it through the atmosphere in one piece. This meteorite might've been ten times larger then this to begin before it was melted down to this by the atmosphere." Irvine s said as the machine suddenly lit up and flashed red urgently.

Zell looked up as Irvine started to drag the machine over the meteorite surface looking for where the strongest reading was coming from.

"I've got mixed feelings on the whole thing." Zell stated seriously. "What kind of research do you think this is intended for?"

"Not paid enough to care." Irvine stated walking the perimeter dragging the meter underneath some of the crevices.

"It's not about being paid." Zell grumbled defensively. "It just so happens that one of our best friends is a sorceress and here we are, looking into for something that will create an anti-sorceress device-"

Irvine looked up from his readings, "You think Squall would agree to do this is if it was intended to harmed Rinoa?"

"Hey, I'm just stating the facts!" Zell pointed out getting further away from his friend. "They're break up is getting messier by the day-"

"-Still your insinuating that a man who walked across the bridge all the way to Esthar when she fell into a coma would conspire with a crazy doctor to construct something that would harm her? Come on Zell, he risked his _life_ by jumping out into space for her, and then broke her out of that seal that would've sent her into space. Plus he's the one who broke up with her… I would be more concerned if Rinoa asked us for a an anti-knight device."

"I'm telling you I just have a bad feeling that we shouldn't be here. This is wrong."

"Its just research Zell. You never know what will happen in the future. Rinoa's not capable of it but what if another sorceress with impure intentions came along-" His words stopped as the device in his hands suddenly sparked to life with a reading that went of the charts."

"Uh Kinneas…"

"Hold on, I think I found what we were looking for-" Irvine maneuvered the meter downwards picking up a stronger signal.

"Ugh, Irvine… you better come and take a look at this…. Quick."

Irvine dropped to his kneels and looked under the meteorite to find a rock wedged tightly between a small crevice of the meteorite. His long fingers glided over the smooth surface but as he gently tried to remove the rock from its prison, he recognized this was not going to be easy to remove from the wreckage.

_Sensitive to vibration?_ Well that was just great when this thing was smashed into a colossal fucking mess Irvine groaned internally as he stood up.

"I think we are going to have to smash the outside apart to get the thing out, so give me a hand will ya?"

"Seriously Irvine… were not alone." Zell's voice called out dryly voided of any humor.

Irvine looked up to see Zell slowly backing away from the massive meteorite with his eyes still fixated on it. Making his way to his companion he stopped short seeing what made his partner draw back slowly.

The stone was an opaque blue that had collided with all these other materials in space to become such a massive rock that survived the fall through the atmosphere. It was more then in rough shape with many fissures running through it threatening to break apart, but inside the stone laid something neither of them could believe.

Underneath blue hazy stone, trapped inside was a figure of a woman that would make Shiva envious. The skin was like black onyx, that was smooth and polished so well that it reflect Zell's and Irvine's hazy image back to them. Her form was completely nude but had no defining features other then generous curves that made Irvine's mind wander into unprofessional thoughts. Her face held a generic form, with lips pulled shut and eyes closed peacefully.

"What do you think that is? A monster? A GF?" Zell asked unnerved.

"No idea." Irvine said contemplating. The rock was barely holding together at this point and it wouldn't take much to find out.

"We're not paid enough for this." Zell said shaking his head anxious to leave. "Let's get that rock and get out of here before we find out one way or another."

Irvine looked at the sleeping face wondering how long had it been lying there in space and who or what had put it there to begin with.

_Another mystery to add to the never-ending list that seemed to plague their lives recently. All these secrets and mysteries…_ His mind went back to Selphie the night before. His mind had been running rampant since their discussion and truthfully he hadn't been ready to react with suspicions with no solid proof. That had been his trouble, finding proof that their was something being kept away from them. Looking down at the beautiful woman he started to weigh his options, whether to test his suspicions or to follow blindly waiting for the truth to come out.

Irvine looked up to Zell who turned back to face the tall cow boy curious as to why he was failing to follow. A lengthy sigh came from his chest as he looked apologetically at the fighter who suddenly seemed alarmed by the cowboy's posture of the mysterious being.

"Kinneas?" Zell's voice was alarmed.

Irvine looked up tentatively, "I gotta say first, that if I'm wrong I'm very sorry I did this…"

Zell squinted in confusion, before taking a step towards his friend. Irvine quickly raised the riffle slamming the heel of it into the opaque glass causing the fractures to splinter deeper.

"Hey Kinneas, what the hell-?" Zell shouted in horror.

Quicker this time, Irvine Raised the heel up and slammed it with more force breaking part of the stone away.

"THE HELL KINNEAS?" Zell started to run towards his comrade in order to stop him, but Irvine raised the gun one last time slamming it forcefully into the rock breaking the solid casing.

A violent force thrust the cowboy back slamming him into the friend that had been barreling towards him. Landing on the ground Zell's knee caught his gut knocking the air from him rendering him to gasp violently Slow to recover, as he slowly lifted himself from the ground with his gun protectively in one hand. The meteorite had split in half and was oozing a black substance onto the ground. Seeing no immediate danger, Irvine straightened up with his barrel still pointing to the rock with the thick tar like falling from it.

The fighter bounced up his teeth baring at him as he screamed out, "What the fuck was that about?"

Irvine kept his gun and his eyes trained on the substance as he slowly backed his way the part of the meteorite had the strongest signal had been picked up while he was scanning the area. Ripples started to form from the deep pool despite no vibration from around them; it was almost as entrancing as it was horrifying.

"No seriously dude…. What the hell did you do?" Zell's eyes widen as the substance started to raise taking form into the black female form with no face that they had witness earlier.

The onyx goddess raised her head as her soulless eyes opened revealing more dark matter.

"What are the chances that this thing is peaceful?" Zell questioned beginning to slowly jump back and forth in his familiar fighting pattern.

Her eyes suddenly turned to Irvine as it let out a high-pitched screech making both the men slink backwards. It was then she melted into a shapeless form again and the ripples appeared before falling away into a new shape that reflected his own.

Complete in a blank cowboy hat and shirtless figure, the woman now stood tall with a barrel pointed right at them leaving little time for Irvine to think.

The sound of Irvine's gun firing rang out as the bullet hitting its target dead center of where his forehead. Slowly the liquid imagines started to ripple again and as Zell and Irvine started back away, the bullet slowly started to reverse its path out of the mock Irvine's head.

Irvine quickly reached down where he had felt the stone before. This time the stone was loose enough to pry it from the wreckage.

"RUN." Irvine ordered taking the stone putting it in the leather backpack and handed it off to Zell.

There were no other sweeter words to hear for Zell as he grabbed the bag turned and started to run as Irvine took two more shots towards the mysterious creature.

The creature absorbed each shot, but the mimicking cowboy raised it's own Exeter and fired a round that sliced through the Cowboy's arm with deadly precisions.

"DAMMIT!" The Cowboy fired another round slowing the thing down. He quickly casted a shell and released another few rounds before turning to flee.

Squall couldn't remember the last time he had ever sat so still for so long. He wasn't sure how much time had passed now, but he was certain it had been longer then the mission had thought to initially take. Many things could come to factor in another hour or two, but Squall was certain that it had been well past that as the sun was beginning to set and no amount of Marbaloros could cause this kind of delay and the concern was mounting.

What if they couldn't find the stone, or what if it had been damaged in the process of retrieval?

His mind quickly pushed back the lingering thoughts knowing all to well what over thinking would lead to.

"Squall!"

Squall's attention peeked at the thought of hearing his name, but he wasn't sure he had really heard it until his name frantically called out again.

"Squall! Lower the haul-!" It was Zell's frantic voice followed by a gunshot firing off in the distance that made Squall rise out of his chair.

Squall's eyes widen as he essentially fell over himself on the way to the platform that would lower him down to the main level of the Ragnarock. His eye sight had improved a bit for him to make out images enough to function, but in the darkness of the poorly lit Ragnarock everything looked grey and lost it's shape once again. His gloved hand smashed the button down as the floor underneath him rumbled to life and slowly began its decent at an agonizingly slow speed. So slow in fact that the knight took it on himself to jump over the protective guardrail in order to get to haul faster.

He landed with a thud that echoed through the empty room and sprinted through the doors into the poorly lit hallway. Rushing through the counting of steps became useless he was taking far bigger steps then he had mapped. All there was to rely on now was his memory and his hand against the walls to get him to where he needed to be.

The cynical part of his brain snarled at him that it was taking far too long to get to them and that if anything happened to them because of his condition he would never live that down. He quickly chided his inner voice for being unhelpful but a part of him knew it was right. Cid was right. He should've taken more precautions and better care of his team. They were relying on his help and what did he have to offer them?

He with drew his gunblade as he reached the final haul and pressed for it to lower to the ground. He wasn't sure what he would find or what the causes of their shouts were, but he refused to abandon them.

With the ship facing east, as the haul lowered the full intensity of the setting sun peered through blinding his sensitive eyes. His reaction was to wince away but he could hear more gunfire, this time closer, so forcefully tried to peer through and make sense of the scene around him.

The Haul wasn't even halfway open when the sound of two desperate people climbed up on the lowering metal grate.

"RAISE IT BACK UP!" Zell's voice demanded frantically, as Irvine's gun rang out once more so loud that it made Squall deflect backwards.

Instinctually he didn't question the order as his fist slam down one more time on the button that would take them up.

"What is it?" Squall said raising his gunblade but with the sun setting nothing but blinding light and growing darkness from the bottom of his vision were left.

"What the hell is it doing?" Zell shouted.

"It's shifting again-" Irvine called out as he called on a Firaga spell igniting the darken world around Squall for a split moment giving him some clarity to their sudden plight.

It was a dark stalker, or so he thought until the Firaga spell back it their foe, and cleared his vision enough to realized that the shadow was the physical entity hunting his partners.

Squall kept his eyes locked on the shape that shifted and formed in front of him not understanding how it could be possible. It raised its fists to guard its face and started to go back and forth wildly as it's hair stood wildly up like Zell's… Not like Zell's- Exactly like Zell.

"Squall Move!" Zell Shouted.

The ball of fire had been released towards him, but Squall stood entranced lost in thought as it collided with the dark shadow casting them both back against the metal wall.

The force of the blast knocked Squall's head back sending spots to his eyes from the impact. Instinctually he raised his gunblade up deflecting something that came down on him with a heavy hand, but the moment his eyes could track it would disappear and another shock wave would flow through him casting him to the side.

"Damn it Squall!" Zell had been the one throwing him out of harms way but not with out a cost. Zell collapsed down to one knee as Irvine quickly casted a curaga that allowed him the strength to stand up once more. "What's wrong with you? Help us!"

Zell quickly maneuvered something one shoulder to the next as he dramatically shifted from a defense stance to a fighting prowl. Zell's muscular arms drew quickly back and cut forcefully up three times missing his target before lunging forward kicking his opponent back.

The door to haul closed casting them into darkness and was detrimental to Squall's sight now. All he could see was shapes of his friends fading in and out of the darken room, but it was difficult to tell which Zell was the true Zell from the imposter.

Irvine quickly pulled out a smaller gun and took aim shooting at the darkness three times.

"We need a new game plan!" Irvine shouted as the last bullet sounded off.

"Squall To Your right!" Zell's agitated warned.

Squall quickly shifted right and out of harms way of what seemed to be a fist coming down on him. He rolled his body to the side and sliced his gunblade up through the darkness in front of him. He felt the blade make its way through the weight of mass only for it to give way from the trajectory of his blade.

Had he sliced through it? He could see a shadow move and stagger but certainly his blad had not sliced this monster in half. He pulled the trigger to the gun but besides a flinch it made no impact on his enemy.

"What's the game plan…" Irvine called out letting another bullet fly. "Nothing damages it-"

There was nothing he could do with a blade. Not with the risk of his vision mistaking his teammates as his target.

"Stand back.." Squall ordering as he lowered his gunblade to the side and raised his fingers to the center of his scar. He lowered his head reaching back into the deepest part of his mind asking her to come forward and take over his presence.

The air around him dropped around him significantly as her presence entered and filled his mind as an answer to his call. The hair on his arms rose against the goose bumps on his flesh as he slowly let out a breath that appeared in the frozen air.

He needed to her to take over him; he needed her eyes and her speed to protect them. He opened his eyes as he quickly waved his arms as shards of ice engulfed around him and suddenly they were one.

Being one with a guardian force was like feeling a sixth sense that over ruled all others. One could sense her mind, feel her pain and see from her perspective like they were standing with her. It took a great deal of trust on Squall's part knowing that he had to rely on her to act on his will, but they had been through so much together in the past. So much trust, that Squall trusted her to protect Rinoa in the fights up to Ultimecia. He knew he could trust her to fight on his behalf.

He could sense the muddled emotion from his second half as Shiva watched perplexed at her foe. It was through her eyes that he had finally had any understanding of what they had been fighting. The shadowy figure resembled Zell, but quickly dropped that shape to an unidentifiable form that was neither sex.

Losing all interest in the others, the attacker looked to Shiva with interest in her sudden challenge. Raising her head in confidence, the ice goddess lifted her arms leaning backwards drawing the freezing air in from around her and became electrified with power. The world around them precipitously exploded in crystals, freezing anything in her path. She gave one internal look back to her master in approval as she snapped her fingers delivering a fatal blow. Emission of ice shards flew everywhere forcing the group to take cover from its flight.

Shiva looked up confident in her powers until she saw the black shadows true form; A female standing before her unharmed and incensed.

"No fucking way-" Zell quietly susurrated as Irvine raised his gun hesitantly.

Shiva herself stood in disbelief and her emotions ran wildly through Squall; it was bewilderment mixed with a great deal of fear. Shiva understood what this being was but without words Squall couldn't get the definition. The form suddenly took a new form. Form its hand grew a long glade with a handle and a lean muscular body heavily gathered with black belts emerged.

A vision of her master stepped forward as well as the alarm screaming out to him, but it was to late to react before the form suddenly reached out to her in a summons.

It was a searing white lightening that raped through his mind suddenly making Shiva drop form and allowed Squall to drop to his knees with his head in his hands. The assault threated to break his mind apart as he collapsed further as he let out agonizing sound from his chest. Being devoured by ultemcia and lost in time compression was less stressful on his body then whatever was playing tug of war in his mind. Suddenly the goddess was ripped from him.

A shot was fired as Squall fell back to the floor his head slamming in to the metal haul. His hand went to his abdomen while the world around him faded into complete darkness. His mind couldn't make sense of the pain he was in or where it was coming from. All he could feel was the hot liquid on his hand that tried to hold his abdomen in place from moving so violently. That must be his breathing… irregular and shallow…

He could hear the screaming of his comrades but as he tried to pull himself together he would have another exhausting pull from his head that would send him to fall once more against the floor and back into hell of pain he couldn't escape from.

Zell tried to attract the imposter Squall away from his friend who writhed in pain. He wasn't sure of what he had just witnessed but there was no way he could try not. Zell broke into his limit break and went with his most deadly choice, My Final Haven, in hopes of attract its Ire.

Zell raised his fist feeling his energy bound into him ruthlessly and looked up to the monster's eyes ready to begin to charge.

Squall could feel a hand on his back.

"Don't move." Irvine's words flowed through the haze that clouded his mind, as a full-life spell was casted on him. Instantly the pains from his stomach disappear and the screaming pain in his mind dulled but was far from being healed away completely.

His fist slammed through the being and explosion behind him propelled him forward slightly.

Squall sat up slightly but in the after math of the explosion he had a difficult time distinguishing the figures in front of him. From his count the enemy was still standing but where he couldn't tell. His eyes bounced back forth between them.

"Squall…" Irvine was starting at him- Intently. "What's wrong with your vision."

Squall looked up at the cowboy next to him silently.

"Shit," Zell said backing up knowing he had nothing that would harm this. "Any other ideas?"

The form raised it's blacken gunblade and charged the frantic martial artist.

Twisting from the way of the blade Zell tried to deliver a few blows without results other then a slight s.

"You can't see it can you?" Irvine accused him. "You've been hiding that from us?"

It was a simply question, one he should respond to with denial, but his mind still felt like it had been split into a thousand pieced.

Irvine reached out a hand to help him up but as Squall reached out he missed it entirely; a glaring omission to his real state.

"Squall…" Irvine said disapprovingly, but reached down to grab his friends arm to ease him up. "We're gonna have words later about this…"

His feet were as unsteady as his mind as he looked for his guardian force in his mind but the close bond was severed and nothing but deep void was left. He called for her several times but his hallowed thought was the only sound.

"Shiva's gone-" He mustered leaning on Irvine when suddenly a group of bodies slammed into them separating them. Zell had wrestled the black form to the other side of the room pinning it to the haul.

"Give us some room!" Zell shouted as he raised his fist "Take it Squall!" Zell shoved the leather bag.

"ZELL NO -!" Irvine called too late to be effective. Zell's hand released the leather bag and Squall only felt a slight touch of the soft worn leather graze past his fingers before hearing something crash and break at his feet.

The form suddenly turned towards the sound and dropped the form he had been using to her original female form. She looked a few steps towards Squall who sat there emotionless looking down at the leather bag resting at his feet. His eyes lifted to the heartless figure in front of him as it stared at him intensely.

The inner darkness he tried to keep at bay rushed forward to break free of his restraint and take control of him and the monster before him sensed it, shifting away quickly.

The black gunblade fell from the creatures' hand on to the ground to become a black puddle that pooled through the cracks of the grate below. The entire figure followed, melting into a substance that ran through the cracks of the Ragnarock and Squall struggled to keep himself together.

. The room dropped into an eerie silence as Squall dropped to his knees and started to rip a part of the bag hastily. Fragments of the crystal spilled out on to the floor as he tipped the bag upside down.

Squall remained frozen as listened to the crystals hit each other and roll around on the floor. The anger of the darkness mixed with the pain of what was left of his mind immobilized him.

Zell took a second step closer as he panted for air. "I thought you had it!"

"Zell…" Irvine warned softly.

"He was standing right there- oh shit man Laguna is not going to like this." Zell said raising his arm to cover his eyes.

Squall didn't hear a word that was said from there on. His mind had refocused on her. The moment he had to give her up in her kitchen was only made possible because in somewhere deep inside of himself he held out hope for this. Now there was nothing but the hope smashed across the haul of the Ragnarock. He picked up one shard lifting it up to feel the smooth edge that suddenly jutted off in to rough uneven surface where the break occurred.

"LEONHEART."

His last name snapped him out of his reverie and to the hazy form he knew was Irvine.

"You were only an inch away." Irvine called him out.

"Hey Man-" Zell sputtered suddenly shocked at the blame being thrown about. "-its just as much my fault. I threw the damn thing!"

"First you pull away… Alright… maybe you are hell bent on being stuck in your own little world forever. Then you break up with Rinoa without so much as sheading one tear over the situation or offering one explanation to the rest of us-"

"Hyne man… what does that got to do with?" Zell said before getting cut off again.

"Selphie thinks those pictures of Quistis and you are from some sordid night together, but Quistis denies it saying you were sparing. SPARING. What SeeD spars in the middle of night with no weapons around?"

Zell blinked a few times looking between the two men, "Whoa, what are you suggesting Irvinne?"

"Answer me truthfully," Irvine squatted down in front of Squall the anger and hurt laced in his voice. "Are those pictures of a heated night between the two-?"

"Hell Irvine, of course it was! What else would it be?" Zell came to Squall's defense.

Irvine kept his integration glare on the broken subject before him refusing, "I think you attacked her and she was covering for you."

"Ok, seriously you're beginning to piss me off…" Zell said standing next to Squall.

"You're blind aren't you?" Irvine shot off demandingly stunning even Zell into silent. "You couldn't see the attacks that thing made towards you. You missed on almost all of your attacks and when you had a clear shot you didn't take it. You refused to go on the mission for that reason, didn't you? Tell us why, damn it. What the fuck is going on that you would but your friend's lives in jeopardy like that?"

Squall could hardly focus on the words with the screaming pain left behind from whatever happened to Shiva. He wanted to deflect, change the subject and at the very lest inform them it was classified information, but at that moment holding the only hope broken in his hands he was coming undone. There was nothing left holding him together.

Squall breathed hard as he leaned against the wall of the haul as the pieces fell from his finger on the to metal grate below him.

"Uh, guys can we pick up after we get the ship off this damn Island? We don't know if that thing is planning to come back or not…" Zell interjected finally as the silence grew. Squall would be forever indebted to Zell at that moment, as Squall's mind couldn't formulate a simple sentence.

Zell reached down to help Squall up slowly getting his aching body of the unforgiving floor. Irvine was less then inclined to drop the subject.

"You've got till this thing is off the ground Leonheart. Then you better start talking."

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><p><em><strong>Alright, this has been the WORST chapter to write! So if it's terrible please forgive me. The first time I wrote the action scene it was so much better and more fluid, but then the geniuses at the genus bar quit out of my word document without saving. I am terrible at action so for me to lose it all was very disheartening, so thank you for the reviews that were so encouraging to keep on going. Without them I might've just given up. I have great things planned for this story and I hope I don't disappoint in future chapters. I also promise there will be an update to this with in the next month that will be worth the wait! I also am looking for a beta reader for both my stories (Reverie and Into Thin Air). I have looked on the BETA boards but surprisingly no one is responding to my inquires. So if you know anyone or have extra time on your hands PM me! With that R&amp;R... Thanks for hanging in there!<strong>_


	24. Chapter 24

I do not own FF8, but I can dream.

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><p>Chapter 24<p>

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><p><strong>His fingers traced her exposed skin over and over again. Like Squall's mind, his fingers never seemed to stop moving. As Rinoa lay in bed watching, she couldn't help but know that despite touching, the chasm between them was growing. She pressed her lips into a fine line, wondering when this had happened. When did the both of them retreat into their own world and become comfortable? She grabbed his hand, holding it tight. Life awakened in those blue eyes that she cherished so much. She was able to draw him out, but now he was waiting with expectation and she only let the silence go on.<strong>

**Someone had to say something, but the silence didn't seem to want to yield. Rinoa continued to look at him, holding his hand completely naked, exposed on so many levels, that it left her nearly wordless. Then it came to her.**

**"I'm scared of losing everything."**

**Since finding their way to Esthar, neither one of them spoke of the war or their future. It was easier to think that this would go on for either then to admit that underneath the surface things were boiling to ahead. And in an instant, without warning, she ripped away the dream they were hiding in.**

**She held his hand waiting for a reaction, but his emotions didn't betray him. The only reaction she received was in the form of a small squeeze from his hand. It was small but it was something. It was enough to encourage her**

**"What if I am unable to keep my mind right?" She asked in a thin whisper. "What if I fail at this?"**

**"What evidence do you have that says you will?" He asked her.**

**"Do I need evidence?" Her gaze dropped unsure. "What if I told you it was just a feeling? A feeling that my world is spinning faster then I can adjust for?"**

**He had trouble understanding. She could tell from how his eyes narrowed on her as if to analyze her. "I would tell you fear is a powerful feeling that can survive without evidence. It's human to feel it. I would be more concerned if you didn't."**

**Her hand loosed its grip on his, allowing him to take control. His hand easily enveloped hers.**

**Rinoa sighed, "As it gets more powerful I feel like I am less in control."**

**"That's pretty standard with any talent skill. We will work on this together. We will practice and gain more control. It's something that has to come from practice and dedication."**

**She breathed out her frustration, "It's not like that."**

**His brows furrowed furthered as he shifted towards her.**

**She continued knowing it would be hard to explain. "It's not the kind of control you can hone in on. I don't know what I'm trying to say." She paused letting the room go quiet again.**

**Squall looked down, his face falling into a flustered look. Suddenly feeling bad about destroying the peace in the first place.**

**"Not every sorceress was bad Rinoa. Matron was proof of that. There could be others. No one knows how many others there could be, but I can't believe you are the only one out there."**

**" Is it the same, really? I inherited three sorceress's powers. Does that not come at a price? Edea's power, Adele's power, and Ultimecia's power… Sounds like my chances of going insane are one out of three. "**

**Squall gave her a deadpan look, "I beg to differ. It has to depend on the wielder behind the power."**

**She pressed her lips together trying to keep herself from smiling. Failing, she retreated, rolling on to her back covering her face with her hands.**

**"So you think I'm a good witch," She inquired from underneath.**

**Hearing rustling from next to her, she peered between her fingers to see him crouching over her. His griever from his chain dragged across her chest as he came eye to eye with her**

**Pulling her hands away from her face he leaned in, "I think you're the most compassionate I've ever met. To the point it may even be a flaw of yours."**

**"Gee, thanks." Rinoa rolled her eyes as he drew in closer to her neck.**

**Kissing soft he whispered, "That's why I know that nothing will happen."**

**A small sigh escaped from her as his lips moved over hers. Pausing a brief moment he held her breathlessly pinned beneath him.**

**"No matter who's or how many powers you've absorbed. You're not the villain here. If anyone were in his bed the likely hood of it being me would be higher."**

**"You?" She laughed. "Mr. Hero?"**

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><p>Rinoa sat at her desk, completely unaware her office door had opened until hearing her name called out. It snapped her out of her reverie, forcing her to look up at Zone who stood there with a heavy expression. He must have picked the short straw, she realized.<p>

"I'm sorry, " She blinked few times and picked up whatever papers she had in front of her to look productive. "I think you just caught me staring off into space for a second."

He (Who) gently closed the door behind him before taking a few step forwards. She mentally braced for the awkward conversation that was certainly going to follow.

"Why are you here Rinoa?" He asked her. "Go home. Take a personal day."

Shifting the papers in her hands, she watched her friend resort to putting his hands in his pocket to mask his uneasiness.

"I can't. I wish I could… Really I do-" She attempted but before she could finish the phone on her desk rang to life.

Sufficiently distracted, they both waited until the answering machine took over before looking at each other again.

"I wonder why Garden's "No comment policy" doesn't work for us." She laughed awkwardly.

Zone took a chair in from of her. "They play by different rules then the rest of us."

"Trust me, I know all about it." Rinoa said under her breath before realizing just how her friend would take that. Concern grew on his face as she tried to play the comment off. "Really, Zone. It's business as usual today. I won't lie and say that I wasn't rattled by seeing the news this morning but I also can't say that I didn't have a hunch it was coming."

Zone's fist clenched, "I should have decked him when I had the chance."

Rinoa laughed it off, "Maybe I should've let you."

Conveniently the phone started to ring again causing them to break away from the awkward conversation.

"That's it!" Slamming his fist down, he pushed off the chair and yanked the telephone cord from the wall, ending it mid-ring.

"Oh damn. Looks, like I'll have to send maintenance up. I'll get to that eventually."

Impressed Rinoa shrugged, "No hurry. I know you're busy."

That made Zone's mood sour, "Yeah. About that."

That was never a good sign from him. Usually this would warrant a stiff drink before continuing but given working ours she had to brace for impact.

"Ok, what do you got for me? What did I screw up?"

"You didn't screw anything up. It's about that deal we scored to advertise the upcoming peace rally."

Rinoa frowned trying to remember.

"The interview with Esthar's largest Magazine?"

"Oh, " Rinoa blinked. "I totally forgot about that honestly."

"Yeah, well, I tried everything I could to post pone it until after the media dies down, but they are refusing to reschedule. It's going to have to go down. I black listed the obvious topics you wouldn't want to discuss, but that's as much as I could do."

Rinoa looked down frantic. Somehow she had completely blanked on the fact that she was going to be sitting down with a report to promote Timber's Peace Rally. At conception, this was her chance to present herself to a public uncomfortable with her movement into Politics. She could stress her wish to keep Timber's independence and layout her intentions with her oath of pacifism.

"I- Uh…" She was failing to present her confident self now. She set her papers down in an attempt to reboot.

Zone jumped in. "We have a guy coming who is pretty much as good as it gets for fair reporting. He came with high recommendations from the President of Esthar himself."

"Laguna?" She asked surprised upon hearing his name.

"Oh. It's Laguna now is it?" He asked leaning back. "I mean, I know you met him while you were busy saving the world, but I didn't realize you were on a first name basis."

"That tends to happen when you save his country." Rinoa stuck her tongue out at him.

"Professional. Try not to do that at the interview, and for the love of Hyne, call him by his professional title. As I mentioned we've black listed several topics; many of which involved SeeD and the specifics of what happened during time compression. We also black listed the events of last night. I couldn't get him to swear off talking about the walking piece of shit known as your ex-boyfriend, but he agreed to keep it relevant to our cause."

"I know exactly what he's going to ask. What am I suppose to say when I don't even know myself?" Rinoa ran her hands through her unkempt hair.

"All they want to know is that your not a threat." Zone clarified. "Keep all the points centered on that and you will be ok. We will get to read the piece before it goes to press as well. So no matter what we will be able to do some damage control if need be."

Rinoa let go of the breath she was holding in. He was failing to reassure her.  
>"Ok, so when is this all going down?"<p>

"Six thirty at the Ten Oak's Hotel's restaurant."

"Ooh, A government fancy dinner."

"The dinner is being picked up by the publication. Delegates would have been up in arms over their eighteen year old mayor ordering an eighty Gil meal."

"Truly you're an artist of negations if you can get them to throw in a free meal." RInoa feigned impressed.

"You're in high demand as of last night. Not to mention there are not too many sorceress willing to be named publicly now a days. I should've tried to get an all expense paid trip to Esthar."

Rinoa's mouth gaped open in disbelief, "Exactly! You're fired."

Zone laughed as he dug out his wallet. "Anyway, it's at six thirty. You better not be late, understand?"

Flooded with nerves, Rinoa could only watch as Zone produced a small business card.

Taking the smooth plastic card in her hand, she turned it over to read the fine engraved writing. "One would think Andrew Lockwood would have a card that matched up to Estharian technology. It's not even hologram embossed."

"They wouldn't want to spoke us hicks with their gadgetry." Zone laughed as he started towards the door. "Get it out of your system now. I need you on your best and most professional behavior. It's all going to ride on you"

"No pressure!" Rinoa called out as Zone closed the door behind him.

The thin card dropped on to the smooth wooden desk as she blew an errant strand of hair away from her face.

_Andrew lockwood from Esthar…. What the hell have I gotten myself into now?_

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><p><span><em><strong>Layla's Corner<strong>_

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><p><span><em><strong>Ok, granted this is mostly a set up chapter but the point is... I UPDATED THIS STORY! The reason I set down this story was because of my hectic schedule and the several other stories I have going on are eating up my time. This was my very first fanfiction. I went into this not knowing how to write, or plot, so much of it is a mess. So truly, thank you to those who look beyond that. I hope to get the story back on track and someday go back to polish the rough start. I don't know how often I will update this. I would expect several short chapters back to back and then a pause as I work on the others. I hope you all enjoy. I'm polishing the next chapter after I post this.<strong>_

_**What's going to happen next? Squall's point of view and there is no escaping the many questions his mates have. EK!**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**I do not own FF8 but I can dream.**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter 25<strong>_

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><p>Squall held the shards of the meteorite in his hand. The haze obscured them when he looked, but there was no doubt that the bags contents had become worthless. It was a seemingly perfect metaphor for his life. He couldn't see that his dreams- his future- was as broken as the mineral they had been sent to fetch. He was living in denial by trying to hold on to hope that some how he would find a way to be with her again.<p>

Now his emotions were starting to run wild as Irvine helped him walk the ship's corridors.

The leather knapsack's contents clanked together as they walk. Each step produced that sound, and it only reminded him of his failures- so many failures. With every clank came the reminder of how far away she would have to remain from him. Before they could even step on the bridge's lift, he had enough.

Hurling the Nap sack against the wall, Squall followed that with his fist striking the metal wall. The pain was excruciating but it allowed him to express what had been building up. He struck it again and then again. Faster and faster until he released every ounce of anger he had been holding back until there was nothing left. Letting out frustrated cry, He struck the dented wall one last time before falling to his knees. Nothing was left. He was broken, bleeding and couldn't think straight. Irvine and Zell pulled him from the ground and put their arms around him. Squall lost it. He lost it all.

Minutes from there seemed to bleed together. His vision faded back and forth but thankfully his mind seemed to remain sound. The next moment he found himself in the engine room, bandaged, and cleaned up, but there was pain everywhere. His finger touched his stomach where heat and pain seemed to radiate intensely. In all of his grief, he didn't think about his injury or the complications that could arise from it. The dark part of his mind wished Irvine hadn't cast the damn full life spell. Maybe it all would have been better had it all faded to black.

Squall tried to shake himself from that thought. Where was his mind right now? He couldn't leave her. Hyne knows what would happen to her if he were gone. He couldn't let that happen.

He looked up at the two individuals who watched him with apprehension. He knew they were demanding answers from him and for the first time he felt like he was honestly ready to offer them up freely. But he had no idea how to start or where to begin.

"I had no choice but to leave her."

His voice barely made it over a whisper but he knew they heard him when Irvine looked to Zell. Damn it. He was not good at this. He couldn't even get this right.

"Are you talking about Rinoa?" Irvine asked for clarification.

He just nodded painfully as the heat in his gut started to shift towards a rolling pain.

"I don't get it. Why the hell would you feel that way, mate?"

"I don't _feel_ that way," Squall was careful emphasized. "I'm telling you I had _no_ _choice_."

His mouth went dry and suddenly found himself wishing that Quistis were here. Why hadn't he listened to her in the first place? She would have done a far better job at this then him.

"You remember when Rinoa and I went Esthar?" He asked, waiting for a second before continuing. "I hadn't decided Garden over her. I hadn't chosen anything… our bond..."

Zell and Irvine both made the same expression. They didn't understand him.

He sighed while running his non-injured hand through his hair. "Her power is strong. In order to sustain it, she pulls from my energy and in return I absorb the excess run off."

"Okay." Irvine spoke encouragingly.

How could Squall put this? There was no real way to put it that was believable. "The excess that I'm absorbing from her, leaves me temporarily insane."

He could see the confusion turn to alarm in a flash as Zell flinched.

"Whoa, insane?" Zell asked unable to grasp the concept. "Like crazy?"

Squall simply nodded, "It become too much and it overwhelms me. I can't really explain it other than I become someone else entirely. I become paranoid and often times delusional. I think everyone is out to hurt Rinoa. In Esthar, I ended up in President Laguna's home trying to destroy it. That was the first time but there have been others."

"The sparing incident." Irvine understood as his hand covered his mouth in concern.

"I slipped. I attacked Quistis while experiencing delusions. During our meeting with Rinoa, she had tried to access our bond and get into my head. Combine that with a private discussion at the party and it became too much. I wanted to kill Cid. I wanted to turn on anyone who would or could harm her."

"Wait," Zell held up his hand as an epiphany struck him. "This sounds a lot like Seifer's claims. Does that mean he was telling the truth the whole time? He really was possessed with no control?"

Irvine glanced towards Squall who confirmed with a nod. "I'll substantiate his claims. He wasn't lying."

"Hyne. That is so hard to believe, though." Zell shook his head trying to process it.

Feeling the pain starting to grow in his stomach Squall moved slightly causing him to wince, "Trust me, no one would sign up for this in their right mind. It comes with consequences."

"Your sight?" Irvine asked.

Staring at the floor, all Squall could do was shake his head, "An inconvenience of slipping in out. The stress absorbing the extra powers manifest in other ways, heart mainly."

"If you don't stay away you're going to die?" Zell leaned against the control panel eerily still.

"Hard to say. But from looking at data Odine has accumulated, its not good." Squall knew that the exposure to Rinoa would kill him sooner rather then later. Ultiemica may have been reckless with the way she allowed Seifer to absorb her powers, but the amount of damage the short term exposure had on Seifer was alarming. Rinoa was now possibly the strongest Sorceress in existence. There was no way to know how long he would have before he fell, if he chose to stand next to her.

"Accumulated? From Seifer?" Irvine seemed to understand.

Squall shrugged. It didn't feel right

Irvine shook his head as his hand dropped from his face. "It's fucked up that Seifer is trusted with this and not us, mate."

Squall understood where the hurt and distrust would come from. Even Quistis accurately predicted this outcome.

"I didn't have much of a say in it initially. Seifer warned Cid this would happen us, which is why Cid had sent us to Esthar. They were watching us without us knowing. Seifer was there when I was recovering and volunteered for the study Odine was doing."

" And now he's conveniently next to Rinoa." Zell pointed out.

Squall nodded tensely, "He's not her knight but he's the closest person who knows what she she's be going through."

"She needs _you_ not him." Zell said defiantly

"If I was around her with that kind of insanity, she would absorb it. I can't do it. I can't do that to her."

Irvine looked at the leather bag. "What was this crystal for?"

"Research," Squall replied, wiping a bead of sweat away. "Dr. Odine wanted it for research. To make an Odine bangle that would take some, if not all, of Rinoa's power away."

"Shit." Zell's eyes widened in dismay as he realized the depth of what had transpired moments ago. "Fuck! And I just smashed it…"

Irvine grabbed Zell's arm. "Zell, it's not all your fault."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better man? This was his chance… I didn't know but that doesn't make it alright." Zell stood up to pace the cockpit.

"Irvine is right," Squall knew he had to take some of the blame. "I should have told you all. I wish I could say that I just didn't want to burden you all with this, but so much of it was my pride. It could have gotten you both killed. I deserve-"

Irvine held up his hand, " Just stop. This didn't happen because of your pride. It was an accident."

"An avoidable one." Squall interjected.

"Perhaps." Irvine conceded, "But there is no point in going over it. What's done is done and can't be changed."

They all stood in silence letting the truth sink in.

"I'm sorry man." Zell whispered again. "I'm so sorry.

"I should have trusted you guys." Squall whispered.

"So the plan is just to stay away from her? Let her think that you just don't give a shit?" Irvine seemed to struggle with the concept

Squall looked up to him, "What would you do in my situation?"

They stood for a moment longer before Irvine lowered his head shaking it.

"It's a tough one man." He admitted. "I don't know what I would do. I don't even know what to do with the knowledge I have now."

"I've been through this in my mind for months." Squall leaned his head against the headrest as a splitting migraine slowly formed. "I could live with her hating me. I couldn't live if … If I…"

He trailed off but they knew what he was saying. He couldn't live with himself if he turned her.

"Don't take this the wrong way Squall, but you don't look so good." Zell stated the obvious. "We still have no idea what that thing did to you or Shiva. We've got to put this on hold until we get you somewhere safe."

To say he felt like shit was an understatement. The pressure building up in his head at an alarming rate was starting to affect his functions. Closing his eyes gave temporary moments of relief but he knew that it was not a good sign. His other pressing injury was starting to radiate to his back and legs, and even made breathing hurt.

"To be honest, I'm not sure how much more I can take."

"I'll place a call for a team to meet us." Irvine said as Zell went to Squalls side.

"I'm going to kick your ass if you ever try to hide something like this again," Zell whispered before helping the commander move his chair into a reclined position.

The commander took the help in stride as his friend adjusted him for transport but his mind kept wondering back to the thing that they had encountered. It was one more complication in to his world that would keep him awake at night.

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><p>Quistis saw the glimmering light of the Ragnarok in the distance. An emergency call was received over an hour ago but the radio transmission was brief in nature. All that was communicated was that there had been complications in the mission and they would need a medical team waiting for them. With that vague understanding, she had to assume the worst and plan accordingly.<p>

Dr. Kadowaki waited with a stretcher and a black duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She didn't need to ask what was in there. Undoubtedly there were restraints and medication should the injured party be the commander. The only other people permitted to stand waiting with them was Cid and Laguna. Quistis didn't understand the reason why Laguna was here, but there seemed to be some strange understanding between him and Cid where Squall was concern.

Squall would hate that he was here, Quistis recognized. It wasn't her place to say anything at all either way, but a small part of her wished Squall would realize how lucky he was to have him in his life. Squall was a standoffish person by nature, and yet this man fought to stay in his life no matter what. Growing up she dreamed of someone coming into her life like that. Still he wouldn't see it like that. With Squall, everything was more complicated.

She sensed Cid approach and mentally discarded the thought before he reached her side.

"I hope you're properly equipped."

"Yes Sir." Quistis reassured him, as the wind from the engines grew stronger as it approached.

Shielding her eyes, she watched as the ship on loan from Esthar landed with an intense thud. The engines were cut quickly and that was never a good sign.

"I would assume the worst, " Quistis looked to Kadowaki.

Kadowaki seemed to have the same plan as she pulled the stretcher closer to the docking doors and open the back medical bag for a quick response. On top a white Straight jacked with a large shot was visible. Quistis caught Laguna looking at it, his expression paled.

Once the haul door started to lower, the group moved forward to form an assist. Irvine and Zell were slowly walking Leonhart.

Kadowaki picked up phone. "Get an emergency room set up and staffed right away. We have one with unidentifiable injures coming down in three minutes."

Squall's consciousness seemed questionable but given his ash coloring and weak walk he was not going to pose any threat.

"What happened?" Quistis took charge in aiding them down the loading dock's lift.

Quistis looked back to Kadowaki to hide the straight jackets as she went out to meet them

"A gunblade blast through the abdomen. " Irvine informed as Squall groaned with their movement. Irvine quickly handed her a leather bag, which Quistis swiftly slung over her shoulder.

"What?" Kadowaki asked in dismay.

"Not… my own." Squall struggled to clarify.

That did very little to clarify the situation as Quistis turned her focus to the injured commander. At least he was somewhat conscious and alert. They had time.

"Also Shiva was drawn from him while summoned." Zell added.

That made everyone pause.

"What? How?" Quistis asked before looking to Squall, "By whom?"

"We're not sure. We didn't even know it was possible. The whom part is going to need some explaining." Irvine rushed to get Squall onto the stretcher.

Moving him was the hardest part. He did his best to keep from calling out, but the pain that lit up his eyes was enough for all of them to know that this was becoming critical.

"Quistis," Squall whispered breathlessly before grabbing her hand. "They know."

Processing what he meant took longer then it should have, but when the meaning dawned on her, she felt a huge weight lifted from her. She squeezed his hand as her only reply as Dr. Kadowaki placed an oxygen mask over his face.

"Alright, lets get him down to medical bay one. A team is on stand by."

"I'm going to be… ok." He whispered from the mask as he struggled to take a breath. His eyes fluttered to somewhere behind her and the sight made him wince.

"Why is he here?" Squall asked before his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Let's move! There has to be a slow bleeder somewhere." Dr. Kadowaki called out as Irvine and Zell grabbed each side of the gurney to help push him forward.

"How far was the shooter," Kadowaki demanded as they cleared the elevator.

"Close range." Irvine replied just as the elevator doors closed cutting her off from their conversation.

Silence left the three of them standing there a moment to process the turn of events. There were too many problems to address and trying to find which one took priority at the moment was futile.

Cid turned to her looking pale, "I do believe a debriefing is in order. Is that the meteorite they had been sent for?"

Quistis had forgotten all about the bag she now possessed. Pulling it down, she opened it to find shards of broken stone. Instantly her heart sunk to the bottom of her feet.

"The mission was a failure, sir." Quistis relayed holding up a piece of the meteorite.

Laguna slowly approached to take it from her. Quistis watch as Laguna slowly approach and reach out for the broken piece. Unable to speak, she allowed him to take the back and splintered piece. Laguna was unable to mask the upheaval his emotions have gone through in seeing the contents of the bag. His voice came out shaking, "I'll send this to Dr. Odine and see if he can get any data off of these."

Cid pulled himself away from the emotional scene starting to unfurl.

"Meeting in the Executive office in thirty minutes," He stated once more before giving a small nod to excuse himself.

She saluted the Headmaster as he passed, but she couldn't find the strength to leave the President of Esthar alone while so distraught.

She turned to him while he remained lost in his warring emotions that seemed to age him. She hadn't known if he had heard Squall at first, but now it was all too apparent that he had.

"He pushes those who cares the most away." She tried to give him some solace. "Family showing concern is a novel concept to him still."

The president looked up a bit stunned and then laughed nervously, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you know. You guys were the fairies in my head all those years ago. It took me a while for me to realize why you all felt so familiar."

The conversation seemed to die until the President looked over to her. "Cid and I have had an agreement in place when Squall's paternal lineage was discovered. He wasn't eighteen yet and I suddenly had rights to him."

Quistis felt uneasy at where this was going.

"I agreed with Cid that it was a joke to think that I had any right to pull him out of SeeD. Trust me when I saw that a large part of me wants to given the hazardous occupation SeeD seems to be aligned with, but I know its not my choice. I wasn't there. I didn't raise him. He seemed… content with SeeD. Our agreement was that I would not go for parental rights and he would privately keep me in the loop. It was the best possible scenario really. I just want to know that he is alright." Laguna's leg seemed to twitch as he looked up into the sky trying to calm down. "When I got the call that something might have happened to him…"

Quistis watched, as the President seemed to choke up.

"I've never thought myself as father. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be any good at it so it never came to mind. My role was always to be the fun uncle. Then in a single moment that all changed and I don't know how not to worry like a father. It's maddening really."

Something in Quistis eyes must have made Laguna realize he had gone on to sensitive ground. He drew up his emotions in one large breath and smiled at her.

"Anyway, I'm sorry if my presence causes complications."

Quistis reached out, stopping Laguna. "I'm glad to see you here. Squall needs you here no more then ever, but I think it's going to take time for him to realize it."

A warm smile flashed briefly on his face before giving away to that of a worried parent again. Unexpectedly, Quistis found herself envious of Squall, to the point that she was angry.

"Can I walk you in?" He asked, offering his arm.

"I need to make a quick phone call. I'll find you inside." She said retrieving her black mobile from her pocket.

Nodding, the President was quick to head back inside.

Making sure she's alone, Quistis pressed the call back button before holding up the mobile to her ear. It rang a few times making her frustrated that she even bothered, but before she could disconnect his voice picked up.

"Yeah?" Seifer spat out quickly.

Evidently she was not on his good side, "They returned."

"And?"

Why was he making this difficult? "There have been complications."

"That's SeeD talk for they fucked it up."

Ignoring his outburst she forged on, "I have a debriefing soon but I expect that the news I'm about to receive is going to change everything. Can you meet up with me?"

"Must be serious if _you_ can find time to come out this way."

"Seifer don't be an ass. I don't have time for it."

"I'm an ass?" He laughed astonished by her insult. "Really?"

What the hell has gotten into him? It took her a second to remember the news from this morning. "If it's the photos that you're pissed off about…"

What did she want to say here? She stopped herself for a moment to think about what she was doing.

"It has nothing to do with you," She replied coldly.

"Good call. Better not lead me on because that would be wrong." Seifer mocked.

She had enough of this. Why did she call him in the first place?

"You know what, forget it." She was about to hang up when she heard his voice cut in again.

"Did you know the sorceress has an interview with an Estharian Magazine tonight?"

This was a revelation to her.

"What?" She said in a state of shock before moving on to anger, "Why are you letting this happen? Stop it."

"What the hell can I do about it?" He asked her. " Apparently it was prearranged for that stupid rally of theirs. There are black listed topics but I think we both know how _honorable_ the field of journalism can be."

"We really don't need to be dealing with this right now."

"Tough shit, because it's going down. If it helps any, daddy Laguna picked the reporter. Daddy wouldn't let his son get burned in his country."

"What time is this at?" she asked looking at the time on her watch.

"Knowing Rinoa you won't need to be her before seven. It's at the Ten Oak's Hotel," He stated before dropping his voice an octave. "Should I get us a room?"

"We are not having this conversation," She rejected.

She heard him laugh on the other end, "We won't be able to hear them but I can do my security detail and while you fill me in with you're earth shattering debriefing. Think about it."

The phone disconnected leaving Quistis hanging and even more frustrated with the former knight. He seemed to be aiming on controlling ever situation they encountered and it was getting old. What made the whole situation unbearable was that his plan might make the most sense at this point. She closed her eyes placing her fingers at the source of the on coming migraine. Placing her phone into her pocket, she cursed his name a few times in to the empty air before turning away.

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><p><span><em><strong>Layla's Corner<strong>_

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><p><span><em><strong>See? Look at that. I updated. Someone give this girl a cookie. I will probably have another delay in posting a chapter. I want to work on the other stories so they don't feel so neglected. I hope to have some time to write soon as I will be in Hawaii for two blissful weeks. I can't wait! I hope you enjoy and as always...<strong>_

_**Read and review! 3**_


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